# What are things that non-parents cannot understand? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 23, 2021, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756 "2021-05-23T20:29:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/1 "2021-05-23T20:29:57Z")
As a single person in my 30s with no kids, I’ve heard or seen comments quite few times to the effect of “You don’t understand (this or that) until you have kids yourself.” Or, a non-parent simply cannot understand what it is like to be a parent. Etc. So…for parent Dopers…what are these things? I’m sure it’s not usually a reference to practical things (i.e., most non-parents know perfectly well not to let a kid play unsupervised with a loaded handgun or leave kids in a hot car, while even some parents do those aforementioned reckless things.) Does it mean a non-parent does not understand the mindset or attitude or…what? ---
**Author:** ![Kelby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a587f6/32.png) [@Kelby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kelby)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/2 "2021-05-23T20:47:44Z")
One of the ways I’ve described it is…these little people grab hold of your heart and never let it go, for the rest of your life. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/3 "2021-05-23T20:58:20Z")
Children are not appendages of their parents, but independent people with their own thoughts, desires, and opinions. We try our best but fundamentally, we can’t control them. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/4 "2021-05-23T21:13:46Z")
Well, I am glad my parents did not control me. Not completely, anyway. > [@Kelby](#): > > […]for the rest of your life. Your life is not over yet, you don’t know. I wish you the best. Disclaimer: No, I do not have children. But I was one, once upon a time. I will (try to) treat this thread as _read only_ from now on, but I couldn’t resist making this comments. As a non parent, the OP’s question intrigues me too. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/5 "2021-05-23T22:09:13Z")
I don’t think non-parents really understand how much kids occupy every aspect of your life. Particularly if you are used to being young and single doing whatever you want, whenever you want. ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/6 "2021-05-23T22:16:39Z")
> [@Kelby](#): > > One of the ways I’ve described it is…these little people grab hold of your heart and never let it go, for the rest of your life. This states it really well for me. Kids awakened new emotions in me – the combination of love, responsibility, pride, and devotion was like nothing I had ever experienced. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/7 "2021-05-23T22:59:07Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I don’t think non-parents really understand how much kids occupy every aspect of your life. Particularly if you are used to being young and single doing whatever you want, whenever you want. This. I can appreciate it even more having come out the other side, my kids now on their own and far away. An example - pre-pandemic, when we won Hamilton tickets, we could drop everything and go to San Francisco at a moment’s notice. We couldn’t do that with young kids. The other thing is holding your baby for the first time, right after she was born. Before that happened to me, I had no idea such love could exist. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/8 "2021-05-23T23:02:41Z")
That you are a little scared, all the time. ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/9 "2021-05-23T23:26:44Z")
I remember reading a quote that went something like “after you have a child, your heart forever walks around outside your body.” That. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/10 "2021-05-23T23:37:44Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > That you are a little scared, all the time. In _The Magnificent Seven_ Bernardo O’Reilly (Charles Bronson) get a trio of boy groupies who admire him and follow him around. When he asks why they tell him he’s brave and, “Our fathers are cowards.” He grabs the nearest one and gives him a couple swats. > Don’t you ever say that again about your fathers, because they are _not_ cowards. You think I am brave because I carry a gun; well, your fathers are much braver because they carry responsibility, for you, your brothers, your sisters, and your mothers. And this responsibility is like a big rock that weighs a ton. It bends and it twists them until finally it buries them under the ground. And there’s nobody says they have to do this. They do it because they love you, and because they want to. I have never had this kind of courage. Neither have I. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/11 "2021-05-23T23:43:21Z")
I think many people without kids assume parents have greater control over their children’s behavior than we do. I remember before I had kinds, watching my friends interactions with their kids and thinking _I’d never do it that way._ > [@msmith537](#): > > I don’t think non-parents really understand how much kids occupy every aspect of your life. This. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/12 "2021-05-23T23:49:37Z")
Trying to make a relationship work bc you don’t want to be away from your kids. Or a weekend dad basically. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/13 "2021-05-23T23:59:48Z")
“Being the parent of a toddler is like being in charge of a 24 hour suicide watch.” ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2021, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/14 "2021-05-24T00:23:31Z")
The sickening, horrifying, (hopefully short-lived) feeling that comes when you’re out in public and lose sight of your kid. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2021, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/15 "2021-05-24T01:03:33Z")
I can only tell you my experience before and after having a child. I was 38 at the time and had four nephews/nieces from three siblings in our very close family. I thought having a child would be a more intense version of having a niece/nephew or our cats. When the kid was tiny I expected the 24/7 occupation of our minds/hearts would fade as the kid grew older. Kid’s a high schooler now. Hasn’t lessened one bit. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2021, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/16 "2021-05-24T01:22:13Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > That you are a little scared, all the time. And sometimes, sickly scared. It’s the hardest job in the world, and you can’t quit. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2021, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/17 "2021-05-24T01:37:46Z")
Would I give my life for one of my parents? Probably not since they are older and wouldn’t want me to do it anyway. Would I give my life for a sibling? Probably not. Would I give my life for my spouse? I’d have to think about it. Would I give my life for my kid? In a split second. ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2021, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/18 "2021-05-24T02:07:20Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I don’t think non-parents really understand how much kids occupy every aspect of your life. Particularly if you are used to being young and single doing whatever you want, whenever you want They also rarely understand how it _doesnt stop_. There’s no “the nieces go home” and things go back to normal. Maybe a break, but it never stops, and the degree of never stopping is difficult to comprehend unless you’ve experienced it. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2021, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/19 "2021-05-24T02:13:10Z")
I know, from personal experience, that having children doesn’t automatically confer such insight, nor does not having children automatically prevent one from gaining such insight. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2021, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756/20 "2021-05-24T03:11:38Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > > [@msmith537](#): > > > > I don’t think non-parents really understand how much kids occupy every aspect of your life. Particularly if you are used to being young and single doing whatever you want, whenever you want. > > This. I can appreciate it even more having come out the other side, my kids now on their own and far away. An example - pre-pandemic, when we won Hamilton tickets, we could drop everything and go to San Francisco at a moment’s notice. We couldn’t do that with young kids. > > The other thing is holding your baby for the first time, right after she was born. Before that happened to me, I had no idea such love could exist. This. But also replace “love” with “terror”. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-non-parents-cannot-understand/942756.md?page=2)