# What are "Things that should never be inserted into a vagina?" for 200 Alex. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 6, 2008, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328 "2008-05-06T19:32:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/1 "2008-05-06T19:32:08Z")
Inspired by the [Tampons Suck](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=466845&page=1&pp=50) thread, I believe it would behoove us Dopers to compile a master list of things that should never find their way into a vagina. So far we have the following entries: -Tampons -Brillo Pads -Sharks -Elmer’s Glue -VHS tapes -Trees -Crucifixes -Alaska -cider -very small rocks -churches -douche nozzles -bees -starfish -pine cones -scissors -cactuses –fire -ninja throwing stars -modems -the empire state building -telescopes -icebergs -Christmas trees -Pyracanthas branches -Pit Bulls -CD Cases -Larry King I will add the following: -laser beams -cats in heat -paint -champagne bottles (large size) -rose bushes -alarm clocks -Dan Rather What can you contribute? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/2 "2008-05-06T19:33:42Z")
Mousetraps. ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/3 "2008-05-06T19:34:16Z")
aluminum foil ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/4 "2008-05-06T19:34:32Z")
pirahnas hangnails ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/5 "2008-05-06T19:35:30Z")
Round hair brushes. Although I’ll never forget the comment many years ago from a friend with a vaginal infection who said that she really, really wanted to stick her round hair brush in there to scratch! ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/6 "2008-05-06T19:36:01Z")
Paris Hilton cell phones not set to vibrate ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/7 "2008-05-06T19:38:02Z")
Household pets plants billboards children that are not being born at that moment ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/8 "2008-05-06T19:39:24Z")
3 ring binders ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/9 "2008-05-06T19:40:13Z")
jalapenos or any chile/pepper really. “alaskan pipeline” ( if you really gotta know you can find it on Urban Dictionary and it is mostly NSFW) ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/10 "2008-05-06T19:42:47Z")
The OP’s hand-me-down ladles. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Natch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/858c86/32.png) [@Natch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Natch)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/11 "2008-05-06T19:43:40Z")
nice cups of tea. other vaginas would be bad also. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/12 "2008-05-06T19:55:40Z")
Centipedes. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/13 "2008-05-06T19:57:46Z")
Am I the only one who wonders why **Auto** specified the size of champagne bottle not to be inserted? Sorry, gonna hafta say bottle in general, no matter the size have no reason to ever enter my vagina, while I will allow tampons, as they are much better than wearing a diaper (pads). ---
**Author:** ![RiverRunner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/977dab/32.png) [@RiverRunner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RiverRunner)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/14 "2008-05-06T20:04:41Z")
Krazy Glue Blowfish A blowfish covered with Krazy Glue ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/15 "2008-05-06T20:05:23Z")
[QUOTE=Litoris] Am I the only one who wonders why **Auto** specified the size of champagne bottle not to be inserted? Sorry, gonna hafta say bottle in general, no matter the size have no reason to ever enter my vagina, while I will allow tampons, as they are much better than wearing a diaper (pads). [/QUOTE] I have never used a bottle in sex play, but I was just thinking that some people might be into it if the size was not obscenely large. A related Flight of the Conchords song: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0) ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/16 "2008-05-06T20:08:08Z")
15 posts and no one has mentioned sand, yet? I am disappointed. Also, sandwiches. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/17 "2008-05-06T20:10:22Z")
Swords Brightly wrapped presents Explosives Rats (unless the vagina in question belongs to a lady rat, in which case, knock yourself out) Any other variety of small furry animal, for that matter (unless the vagina in question belongs to a woman who likes short, hairy men) Copies of the Vagina Monologues (Unless they are very creatively bound…you know there is probably a market for that…) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/18 "2008-05-06T20:13:32Z")
Curling irons A computer mouse Uncapped felt tip pens ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/19 "2008-05-06T20:14:08Z")
-Neutron stars -Cowboy hats -Communism ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/20 "2008-05-06T20:14:40Z")
Car keys Garage door opener A trampoline Risotto Tether ball set Antique baseball cards Spinner hubcaps [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328.md?page=2)