# What are "Things that should never be inserted into a vagina?" for 200 Alex. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 6, 2008, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328 "2008-05-06T19:32:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/41 "2008-05-06T23:37:11Z")
[Ping-pong balls](http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080313090644AAGf6t0) ---
**Author:** ![ryobserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/42 "2008-05-06T23:47:50Z")
[QUOTE=Hockey Monkey] -business end of a pickaxe [/QUOTE] ANY end of a pickaxe. ETA: I’m seeing a Google ad for grease trap collection on this thread. Just thought I’d point that out. ---
**Author:** ![ryobserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/43 "2008-05-06T23:51:38Z")
Now the Google ads are for felt padding and custom thermos bottles. Neither of which should be inserted in a vagina, of course. Maybe that’s why they’re there? ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/44 "2008-05-07T00:25:42Z")
John Hagee John McCain Tom Cruise Jack Chick Any sort of roadkill Papa John’s Pizza ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/45 "2008-05-07T00:33:11Z")
Seamen Elephantiasis Acrostics Manhole covers (get it?) Eggshells Nintendo cartridges ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/46 "2008-05-07T01:49:37Z")
[QUOTE=Mama Tiger] Round hair brushes. Although I’ll never forget the comment many years ago from a friend with a vaginal infection who said that she really, really wanted to stick her round hair brush in there to scratch! [/QUOTE] Your friend is not alone. I had a nasty one of those recently and I confess, I was having very lewd thoughts about the bottle brush we keep in the kitchen. Only thing was, I knew it’d been around the germy kitchen sink so figured it would, ultimately, NOT be a good idea :eek: Back to the OP: ‘Alarm clocks’ (agreed, unless one wants to redefine the old Laugh-in line ‘Ring my chimes!’) Furniture too large to fit through doors Cleaning supplies of any sort ---
**Author:** ![DellieM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@DellieM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DellieM)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/47 "2008-05-07T01:56:10Z")
Legs of ham chimney stacks spiders ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/48 "2008-05-07T01:56:27Z")
Clocks Computer monitors Globes Porch columns Stop signs Dictionaries Ceiling tiles ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/49 "2008-05-07T02:13:35Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] (list of vaginal no-no products) -Crucifixes [/QUOTE] Dammit! Does ‘jackhammer Jesus’ count? (The ‘2 click rule’ prevents my linking it here, google it up yer own darn selves. If you dare ):eek: ---
**Author:** ![chicken\_wire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@chicken\_wire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chicken_wire)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/50 "2008-05-07T02:19:11Z")
One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic, One soiled. —\> (Actually, they might be OK) 😉 One black suit jacket. One pair of black suit pants. One hat, black. One pair of sunglasses. Twenty three dollars and seven cents. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/51 "2008-05-07T02:44:49Z")
The guy in the office next to mine. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/52 "2008-05-07T02:45:39Z")
I’m amazed nobody has mentioned a flute yet. Whether or not it’s during band camp. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/53 "2008-05-07T02:59:45Z")
spam spam spam spam baked beans and spam ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/54 "2008-05-07T03:05:46Z")
Post #54, and I’m the first to mention **chainsaws**? I’d have thought it would be at the top of many more people’s lists. Xenomorphs Tube worms Balut ETA: Superman (For those who’ve not read it, yet: _Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex_ can be found here: http: [//www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html](https://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html). Link broken because the essay is a frank discussion of the sexuality and mentality of one Kal El, and may not be considered SFW by some people.) ---
**Author:** ![Sanity\_Challenged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Sanity\_Challenged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sanity_Challenged)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/55 "2008-05-07T03:38:07Z")
12 Drummers Drumming. ---
**Author:** ![Crocodiles\_And\_Boulevards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee7513/32.png) [@Crocodiles\_And\_Boulevards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crocodiles_And_Boulevards)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/56 "2008-05-07T04:49:53Z")
Any child older than “currently being born.” ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/57 "2008-05-07T05:05:35Z")
Crocodiles And Boulevards, or crocodiles, or boulevards. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/58 "2008-05-07T05:17:28Z")
red hots ---
**Author:** ![Manatee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/50afbb/32.png) [@Manatee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manatee)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/59 "2008-05-07T05:20:45Z")
Icicle. Mercury. Magma. Sledgehammer. Pepper spray. Assorted Lego bricks. Wolverine’s claws. ---
**Author:** ![erleichda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4da419/32.png) [@erleichda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erleichda)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328/60 "2008-05-07T05:47:57Z")
ice cream cotton candy spare tire laundry hamper lysol Two and a Half Inches of Fun 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-things-that-should-never-be-inserted-into-a-vagina-for-200-alex/448328.md?page=4)