# What Are You Doing Next Tuesday? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 24, 2013, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017 "2013-08-24T00:29:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/61 "2013-08-27T20:11:00Z")
The combination of selfishness and a refusal to be direct and honest on this thread is disturbing. You don’t have to be “busy” to decline an invitation. A simple “no thank you” is sufficient, and if you wish to clarify that it is the activity you are declining, feel free to provide more information, in order to discourage similar invitations. “No thanks, that’s my day off, so I’m going to spend it relaxing.” “No thanks, baby showers aren’t really my thing.” “No thanks, I don’t like those kinds of parties.” “No thanks, I know you helped me move MY piano, but that’s different.” “No thanks, I’m a selfish lazy a-hole who sees nothing to my advantage in accepting your invitation.” etc. Someone asking you if you are free is a perfectly normal segue to a normal social invitation, not automatically a trick to force you to do something you don’t want to. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/62 "2013-08-27T20:14:13Z")
> [@FallFast](#): > > Maybe, but more likely the nervy person is the person who originally agreed to help clean up afterwards and then decided they don’t want to and are looking for chump to do the work for them. The person they asked could have done all the prep setup work before hand. You agreed to do this task 52 weeks a year pal, not 51. I don’t care if it IS your granddaughter’s first dance recital, you’re not getting out of this so easily. I won’t be played for a fool, now get busy washing my cup, I’ve a lunch date to make! ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/63 "2013-08-27T20:16:13Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > The nervy person is the one standing around DRINKING of the COFFEE, but thinking they should never have to participate in the clean-up or help out a fellow church member who can’t cover their chore this week. How did you get that out of this? > [@BobArrgh](#): > > A couple of months ago at church, my wife and I arrived for the 11:00 service, and while I was getting coffee and making chit-chat with a group of people, a lady in the group said, “What are you and your wife doing after church?” Thinking that she was inviting us to lunch with her and her husband, I said, “I don’t think we have any plans.” > > “Great,” she replied, “Tony and I have to be somewhere at noon, but we are on coffee duty today. Would you be willing to take all the coffee pots to the kitchen, wash them out, put them away, and put away the cream and sugar? Thanks.” > > :rolleyes: ☹ :smack: > > Since then, I have learned to always say, “I need to check with Mrs. Aargh and get back to you.” It seems to me that the people on duty had made another commitment, and were counting on finding someone to take over their chore. \*\*Aargh \*\*didn’t say that he and/or Mrs. Aargh never did coffee duty, he only said that he wasn’t expecting to be put on the spot like that. What’s more, the person on coffee duty didn’t ask him to do it, she more or less ordered him to do it, without his agreement. She took his consent for granted. If she had somewhere to be at noon, then she should have asked someone to cover the coffee duty earlier…not wait until about an hour before the cleanup was to occur. It was HER emergency, not his. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/64 "2013-08-27T20:23:34Z")
It was HER emergency and she was solving it by getting a fellow church member to help out. The guy was already free after church, as he admitted, so what’s the big deal about being asked to wash some coffee urns? If the task is so onerous, he could just ask yet another church member to help him. “Hey, are you free after church? Marcy can’t cover coffee clean-up today and I could use a hand. Afterwards, let’s get some lunch.” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/65 "2013-08-27T20:39:59Z")
And that’s another reason (besides not believing in god) I don’t go to church!! Amen! ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/66 "2013-08-27T20:42:37Z")
Some of us don’t impose on others, kayaker. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/67 "2013-08-27T21:11:28Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > Some of us don’t impose on others, kayaker. And you’re the ones I’d invite over for coffee after whatever it is y’all do Sunday a.m. My Sunday mornings are for grass cutting.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/68 "2013-08-27T22:17:08Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > It was HER emergency and she was solving it by getting a fellow church member to help out. > The guy was already free after church, as he admitted, so what’s the big deal about being asked to wash some coffee urns? If the task is so onerous, he could just ask yet another church member to help him. > “Hey, are you free after church? Marcy can’t cover coffee clean-up today and I could use a hand. Afterwards, let’s get some lunch.” She didn’t ask, though. She just told him, without waiting for him to agree or refuse. And while he might not have had time specific plans, maybe he just wanted to relax and NOT do any chores. If she had waited for his answer, that would be one thing. But she didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/69 "2013-08-27T22:30:04Z")
My ex started conversations like this all the time: with open-ended questions. You know what we should do tomorrow? Are we busy this weekend? Are you golfing on Tuesday? Can you do me a favour? On, and on, and on, and on… Drove me nuts. Just fucking come out and ask the goddamned question. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/70 "2013-08-27T22:41:39Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > She didn’t ask, though. She just told him, without waiting for him to agree or refuse. And while he might not have had time specific plans, maybe he just wanted to relax and NOT do any chores. > > If she had waited for his answer, that would be one thing. But she didn’t. Did we read the same thing? She started the question with “would you be willing” and it ended with a question mark. That’s what a question sounds and looks like. Where’s the part where she then fled the scene? And if he didn’t agree, then I guess he’s not on the hook, and can just leave the coffee urns for someone else to clean up, no more obligated to clean them than any of the other coffee drinkers. It sounds like they should just quit having coffee since no one should have to go through the agony of washing up. They can all just sit with their fingers in their ears while someone yammers on about helping your fellow man or whatever they lecture about at church, check “go to church” off their list of chores, and carry on with their important living. Jesus, Buddah, Allah, the elephant-headed six-armed guy, and even Satan all agree about one thing, and that’s that you and your comfort and pleasure should definitely be top priority to you. If you don’t look out for #1, why should god look out for you, as they say. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017/71 "2013-08-28T01:20:37Z")
Moderator note I think the church coffee urn crisis has gone on long enough. Let’s drop the hijack and get back on track with the main issue. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-doing-next-tuesday/667017.md?page=3)