# What are you required to disclose in a committed relationship?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-required-to-disclose-in-a-committed-relationship/566405>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [January 4, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-required-to-disclose-in-a-committed-relationship/566405 "2011-01-04T19:55:48Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\
**Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-required-to-disclose-in-a-committed-relationship/566405/61 "2011-01-06T19:06:23Z")

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> [@stpauler](#):
>
> Yes, but private is more of an end result and not the reason. Why would one keep something private? It could obviously be a myriad of reasons and rationale. But one, just one, might be to avoid judgment on actions that society or a mate or a stranger would deem less than savory. Whether that’s an abortion, a rape, pre-marital sex, smoking, or even liking reality TV.

Some people feel that sharing too much of one’s inner life is bad for one’s emotional well-being. Some people also feel that others have no right to know certain things about one’s life.

I recently stopped going to church completely. I’m not hiding that information from anyone, but I’m not explaining why to anyone but my wife, because it is nobody’s business but mine.

Privacy has value.

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**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\
**Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-required-to-disclose-in-a-committed-relationship/566405/62 "2011-01-07T04:14:08Z")

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> [@Shodan](#):
>
> Sometimes I read responses to questions like this, where Dopers will airily reply that they really don’t care if she was born a man, or did time in another state, or were filmed in a compromising position with a Lhasa Apso - as long as rhe person is willing to do the STD tests. Really?
> 
> A German Shepherd - _maybe._
> 
> Regards,  
> Shodan

Ah, I see you are a fan of the fine German classic _Das Hund_.

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**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\
**Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-you-required-to-disclose-in-a-committed-relationship/566405/63 "2011-01-07T04:37:24Z")

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> [@TriPolar](#):
>
> You have to reveal everything that could come up again some day. So the STDs, criminal records, debt, psychotic relatives, and the like. Other than that, a couple should negotiate the rules. Don’t ask for more than your partner wants to reveal, don’t offer more than your partner wants to know.

I dunno. That sounds nice, but if your partner is a head-in-the-sand person, that information (whatever it is) might not be something they can really afford to be ignorant about.

I generally feel that if it’s something big I’m going to be judged for I’d better get it out into the open and let the judging happen. Whether I tell or don’t tell, I’m the person who did X or Y. I’ll give him the opportunity to reject or accept all of me, rather than rejecting myself on his behalf.

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