# What are your conversational gambits? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 24, 2013, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347 "2013-07-24T01:51:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/1 "2013-07-24T01:51:34Z")
Once I get a conversation going I’m pretty good. But getting there can sometimes be a struggle. I do several “meetup” type things these days so I’m often in the situation of chatting with someone I sort of know and might like to know better but can’t just rely on the vast backstory of old friends for conversational fodder. I find “what did you do today?” to work surprisingly well (it is also surprising how hard it is for people to remember!). It’s boring but it gets things going. Sometimes, depending on the chemistry of the moment, I can get away with “Tell me a story!” which usually gets a more interesting answer. How about you? ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/2 "2013-07-24T02:05:39Z")
Oh boy. Back when I was doing internet dating, all of my face-to-face guys got the “f\*\*\*” test. I would ask them what their favorite word was, and listen to their answer, which gave me some interesting information. Then I’d say that my favorite word was f\*\*\*. It’s a noun, a verb, an adjective, even an infix–and there just aren’t many infixes in English. It can express any emotion or attitude you want it to express–what a great word! Yeah. I weeded out some losers with the f\*\*\* test. And snagged my husband. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/3 "2013-07-24T02:37:18Z")
I usually have to have two or three drinks before I can talk to strangers. Hell, before I could talk to my wife; one of the reasons why I left, but that’s a different story. Anyway, once the door’s open, I’ll talk about damn near anything, whether I know what I’m talking about or not. Talking to strangers cold sober just gives me the willies. This may not be helpful to you. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/4 "2013-07-24T14:51:14Z")
The fact that you even think about conversation strategy demonstrates that you are much more socially adept than I am. I generally don’t talk to people unless they talk to me. Then I am very friendly. But I am not a fan of small talk, and will probably try to steer the conversation to something meaningful. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/5 "2013-07-24T14:55:30Z")
In a variety of situations I use “Where are you from?”. Problem is if it’s a local person and they aren’t from anywhere else. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/6 "2013-07-24T15:01:34Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Oh boy. Back when I was doing internet dating, all of my face-to-face guys got the “f\*\*\*” test. I would ask them what their favorite word was, and listen to their answer, which gave me some interesting information. Then I’d say that my favorite word was f\*\*\*. It’s a noun, a verb, an adjective, even an infix–and there just aren’t many infixes in English. It can express any emotion or attitude you want it to express–what a great word! > > Yeah. I weeded out some losers with the f\*\*\* test. And snagged my husband. Technically, I’d say that the verb or the gerund is the infix. I can’t think of an infix with just the root ‘fuck.’ That is, I absofuckin’lutley can’t. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/7 "2013-07-24T15:11:29Z")
If it’s someone I’ve never met before, I always like to go with something like, “So! How’ve you been? What have you been up to? I can’t even remember the last time I saw you!” Usually it just gets a laugh, but it’s great when someone jumps right in - “Well, as you can see, I’ve lost about 450 pounds, and I’m not an astronaut anymore; I do data entry now,” or even, “Oh, you know me - same old same old.” But at very least, it breaks the ice, and conversation just seems to flow after that. And if all I get is a polite smile (or a confused and/or nervous stare), then I know they probably aren’t interested in conversation with me, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/8 "2013-07-24T15:11:31Z")
For somebody I already know and have for quite some time, if I find myself getting bored hearing about their day (because, honestly, most people do pretty much the same things every day), especially in relationships where you get to that one point where you’ve feel like you’ve said everything you can to each other and you’ll probably never talk again (is that just me?), I ask them to tell me something about themselves that I don’t already know. Most often they’ll tell me something from before I knew them, sometimes wayback childhood stuff, and it generally opens up interesting conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/9 "2013-07-24T15:29:59Z")
It’s an Irish traditon: “How’s the brother?” ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/10 "2013-07-24T15:32:26Z")
> [@carlotta](#): > > Once I get a conversation going I’m pretty good. But getting there can sometimes be a struggle. I do several “meetup” type things these days so I’m often in the situation of chatting with someone I sort of know and might like to know better but can’t just rely on the vast backstory of old friends for conversational fodder. > I find “what did you do today?” to work surprisingly well (it is also surprising how hard it is for people to remember!). It’s boring but it gets things going. Sometimes, depending on the chemistry of the moment, I can get away with “Tell me a story!” which usually gets a more interesting answer. > > How about you? I find either “what did you do this weekend?” or “have any exciting plans for this weekend?” to be good ones most of the time. Usually someone has something they did or are excited about doing soon. Or sometimes something they wish they had gotten to do, but didn’t get a chance to do. In any of those cases, it brings up something that they are interested in, and can usually spark a conversation. If someone said “tell me a story” I would probably just freeze up. I have plenty of stories, but am not good with being put on the spot. Also if it’s someone I just met or otherwise don’t know very well, I wouldn’t know what kind of story to tell even if I could think of some stories. I’d be worried I’d tell a story that would be too boring, or too weird, or require too much explanation. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/11 "2013-07-24T16:11:10Z")
> [@carlotta](#): > > I find “what did you do today?” to work surprisingly well (it is also surprising how hard it is for people to remember!). It’s boring but it gets things going. Sometimes, depending on the chemistry of the moment, I can get away with “Tell me a story!” which usually gets a more interesting answer. > > How about you? I would go more specific than not. Broad, general conversation starters get broad, generic answers. Plus it’s harder to form an opinion on “books” than to have an opinion on “The Great Gatsby”. Leading off with interesting things you read/saw/did is a good standby. I just read an article that said that the most successful relationships are those where the female is 27% smarter than the male. Or that I just went to a spelling bee the other night and was knocked out by cirrhosis (switched the h and o) which was easier to accept compared to my friend who got knocked out by “negus” - a word that phonetically is easier, yet none of us had ever encountered. This is worsened by the fact that a 3rd friend got to stay by spelling “refrigerator”. Basically, scan the first couple threads of MPSIMS and run with it. > [@Sattua](#): > > Oh boy. Back when I was doing internet dating, all of my face-to-face guys got the “f\*\*\*” test. I would ask them what their favorite word was, and listen to their answer, which gave me some interesting information. Then I’d say that my favorite word was f\*\*\*. It’s a noun, a verb, an adjective, even an infix–and there just aren’t many infixes in English. It can express any emotion or attitude you want it to express–what a great word! > > Yeah. I weeded out some losers with the f\*\*\* test. And snagged my husband. I guess it’s a fairly good conversation starter because I’m responding to it but I’d be pretty taken aback by your answer. Amused, maybe but I wouldn’t want to date you. a) It’s weird that you have the answer chambered. You mulled it over and decided that this was somehow the best you can come up with. Out of every word out there, you picked this one. b) Your reasons for liking are a bit shallow. You like it for the purely grammatical characteristics of the word? It’d be like saying “I like this teddy bear because it’s brown, stuffed, and has buttons for eyes.” You’ve described this bear very nicely but I still have no idea WHY you like it. This compounded with reason “a” kind of makes my eyes roll. c) I would argue that a lot of swears are infixes. Ri-god-damn-diculous. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/12 "2013-07-24T21:32:21Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > I would go more specific than not. Broad, general conversation starters get broad, generic answers. Plus it’s harder to form an opinion on “books” than to have an opinion on “The Great Gatsby”. The danger is in finding someone who’s not familiar with the work. I would try to start big – “Read?” and then narrow it down (“Fiction? Poetry?”) and then (“W. H. Auden? Robert Frost?”) and then you can safely discussed Death of the Hired Man or how the old masters knew suffering well. ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/13 "2013-07-24T21:35:14Z")
By listening and maybe asking a few leading questions. Most people like to talk about themselves. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/14 "2013-07-24T21:41:50Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > The danger is in finding someone who’s not familiar with the work. I would try to start big – “Read?” Start a conversation like that with me and I’d probably respond “I prefer valved brass over [woodwinds](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reed_(instrument)) myself.” By which you’d discover that I’m a curmudgeonly anticonversational smartass. Rather in the vein of [T Bone Stankas](http://www.lyricsondemand.com/s/stankastbonelyrics/existentialblueslyrics.html): > [@](#): > > Some girl with psychic powers, she said “T-bone, what’s your sign” > I blink and answer “Neon,” I thought I’d blow her mind. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/15 "2013-07-24T21:43:57Z")
I always start out conversations with a simple “hi!” and go from there. A very original gambit, for sure. ---
**Author:** ![PSXer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/48db29/32.png) [@PSXer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PSXer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/16 "2013-07-24T21:47:12Z")
I talk about the playoffs ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/17 "2013-07-24T21:55:11Z")
Often a topic that’s being discussed here on the SDMB. Big mistake. Most people are put off by “notice how you don’t see white in dried dog shit any more? You know why that is?” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/18 "2013-07-24T23:09:46Z")
“How’s your wife and my kids?” ---
**Author:** ![Baffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dec6dc/32.png) [@Baffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baffle)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/19 "2013-07-25T00:25:24Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Often a topic that’s being discussed here on the SDMB. > > Big mistake. Most people are put off by “notice how you don’t see white in dried dog shit any more? You know why that is?” I must be too young for white poop as I have never seen it. But you have my interest piqued! I assume something in dog food that is no longer present? ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347/20 "2013-07-25T00:31:49Z")
> [@Baffle](#): > > I must be too young for white poop as I have never seen it. But you have my interest piqued! I assume something in dog food that is no longer present? Bone meal. I have no conversational gambits. but as I am never in a social situation without my Wife I can just sit there, smile, nod and drink their liquor. I am told that people consider me a very funny and witty person - I only can guess that the three things i may say during an evening are especially memorable. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-conversational-gambits/664347.md?page=2)