# What are your euphemisms for bodily functions? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 13, 2022, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905 "2022-07-13T21:40:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/21 "2022-07-14T11:33:23Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > This is an event that requires an announcement? Do you folks really specify what your needs are prior to entering the bathroom? Someone needs to go bleed Brutus. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/22 "2022-07-14T13:38:56Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > This is an event that requires an announcement? Do you folks really specify what your needs are prior to entering the bathroom? Like you, my wife sometimes objects to my (within -the-household) announcements, but I counter that she really does want to know: 1. For about how long I’ll be occupied; 2. Whether she’ll need to stay away from the bathroom for a while, lest she suffer olfactory distress ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/23 "2022-07-14T13:49:13Z")
If I’m really sick, I might end up “praying to the porcelain god.” ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/24 "2022-07-14T13:49:50Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Pinching a loaf for pooping disgusts me. My Granddaddy used that one, and Ms. P has gotten to hear me use it in the last few days. Beavis and Butt-Head would occasionally use it as well. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/25 "2022-07-14T13:51:17Z")
‘Ride the porcelain bus’ for diarrhea. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/26 "2022-07-14T13:54:30Z")
If we are hanging out on the porch/patio/living-room and I leave to go to the loo, I’ll say, “hold my calls”. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/27 "2022-07-14T14:01:59Z")
I wake up in the morning, and go into the bathroom for my “morning constitutional”. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/28 "2022-07-14T14:07:11Z")
If I use a euphemism, I’ll usually say “I’m going to the small room for a minute.” I mean, no one needs further detail. I’ll admit that they may appreciate a heads-up if there’s a possibility the atmosphere in the room will be left noxious, but I figure they’ll assume that anyway. Of course, “small room” doesn’t work if the location is a large public facility with restrooms designed for numerous users. ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/29 "2022-07-14T14:27:42Z")
Just the simple Poop & Pee ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/30 "2022-07-14T14:36:22Z")
Barfing: Selling Buicks or talking to Ralph ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/31 "2022-07-14T14:41:16Z")
> [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](#): > > I wake up in the morning, and go into the bathroom for my “morning constitutional”. I use that one too. Sounds classy! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/32 "2022-07-14T14:45:56Z")
I say ‘urinate’. If I really have to relieve my bladder, I say ‘I have to urinate like a thoroughbred!’ And I say ‘defecate’. People don’t seem to appreciate my use of those words. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/33 "2022-07-14T14:48:33Z")
> [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](#): > > I wake up in the morning, and go into the bathroom for my “morning constitutional”. Actually, now that I think on it, I usually say that I’m going to “step into the shitatorium for my morning constitutional.” Less classy. 😁 ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/34 "2022-07-14T14:53:55Z")
If I’m in polite company, I’ll excuse myself to “wash my hands.” However, if its me & the missus, I have to “go save the world.” which has roots in a Jake Gyllenhall [movie](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Source_Code). Tripler Saving the world, multiple times a day, since 1977. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanubv.2/32/3260_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUBv.2)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/35 "2022-07-14T15:05:29Z")
I simply say “I have to use the litterbox” ; no specifics included. As a kid we all thought it was hilarious to say “I have to drain the main vein” (even us girls). ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/36 "2022-07-14T22:02:54Z")
> [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](#): > > I wake up in the morning, and go into the bathroom for my “morning constitutional”. I believe this is what James Madison used to say. mmm ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/37 "2022-07-14T22:30:13Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > My Daddy said “Gonna see a man about a horse” for peeing. I once said this to my homeroom teacher, because my mother had written me a note to excuse me for an appointment. He wanted to know what the appointment was. Well, I was going to see a man about a horse. No lie. But the teacher wouldn’t believe me. My friend, who was coming with me, just kept laughing at our teacher (a good guy) and saying “Really, that’s what she’s doing.” So, he did let me go and I went horseback riding. 😀 Depending on the folks around me, either I have gas or someone farted in my pants. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/38 "2022-07-14T22:44:53Z")
When I have to pee, I’ll say, “I have to go drain the snake.” ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/39 "2022-07-14T22:48:36Z")
When the Li’l wrekker was about 3yo my Daddy was all about teaching her Japanese curse words and taking her to the track (I was with them, creeping up in the back) He was routinely sending her to get beers outta the fridge. I finally sat him down and told him to lighten up on her. She would have to go to school and be in public soon. So getting a beer turned into “Go get Diddy a blue milk(Busch beer)” The track turned into “Petting the ponies” Japanese and other curse words I had to threaten her to never say those words. Her Kindergarten teacher ask me did we have horses? Who taught her Japanese and what the heck was blue milk? She asked for it everyday in the lunch line. (Yep, he was giving her sips of beer. She was soused as a toddler) I said, “Jeez Miss Muckymuck, she must have picked that up during recess.” Yep he was a character.❤ ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2022, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/40 "2022-07-15T02:40:59Z")
I remember in childhood that women excused themselves to powder their nose. They probably did touch up their makeup _after using the restroom_. I remember seeing this in old movies too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905.md?page=3)