# What are your euphemisms for bodily functions? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 13, 2022, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905 "2022-07-13T21:40:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/81 "2023-02-24T05:25:24Z")
I tell my cat, “Mamakins needs to use the litter box” but I don’t think she understands. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/82 "2023-02-24T05:34:57Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > That is probably the only way they will ever get there Lol!! ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/83 "2023-02-24T06:00:34Z")
After a loud fart, I used to say that it “flapped the lips of my anus”, and stinky farts I would say I “blasphemed in my pants”. ---
**Author:** ![alovem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@alovem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alovem)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/84 "2023-02-24T07:44:08Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > When I’m shooting my load I scream “Release the hounds!” > [@mordecaiB](#): > > I scream “Release the Krakens!” I even do it if I’m by myself. Both are better than “_Surrender, Dorothy!_” A long time ago, I heard a father ask his “impatient” toddler to clarify: “_Pee-pee or po-po?_” Decades later, my octogenarian landlady is telling me how her life’s changed due to health issues, and I matter-of-factly used the expression. She laughed like a little girl. Well, she actually _cackled_ like the old lady she is, but it was fun to see her reaction. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/85 "2023-02-24T18:38:55Z")
Could be “under both species.” That’s kind of obscure. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/86 "2023-02-24T18:53:16Z")
I “drain the bilges” every now and then. Occasionally I “give birth to a bosun’s mate”. ---
**Author:** ![2\_More\_Bits](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2_more_bits/32/4148_2.png) [@2\_More\_Bits](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2_More_Bits)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/87 "2023-02-24T19:23:03Z")
The first euphemism I learned for urinating: Tinkling (which required the use of my “tinkler”) The first sort-of euphemism I leaned for defecating: Going “bavoom” (bathroom) ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/88 "2023-02-24T20:46:01Z")
In our household, menstruation is described as being “on the rag” or “riding the cotton pony”. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/89 "2023-02-24T22:20:00Z")
Aunt Red is in town this week. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/90 "2023-02-24T23:35:12Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Farting: stepped on a duck > [@Spiderman](#): > > Every so often, when we’re outside, in a very serious, ominous voice, I’ll state, “Don’t move” while looking at the ground behind her. A foot stomp releases all of the wind out of that invisible duck that was about to attack her. Reminds me of Cary Elwes (3:20 mark): [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/4x7WGKtbUJY/hqdefault.jpg "Cary Elwes on André the Giant's "Monumental Fart"") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x7WGKtbUJY) ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2023, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/91 "2023-02-25T00:11:26Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > In our household, menstruation is described as being “on the rag” or “riding the cotton pony”. > [@carnut](#): > > Aunt Red is in town this week. a visit from Aunt Flo(w) ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2023, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/92 "2023-02-25T00:16:11Z")
“Shed your endometrial lining” ETA: for flatulence, there’s “toot” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/93 "2023-02-26T12:42:15Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > a visit from Aunt Flo(w) I’ve heard Aunt Dot. (period) ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/94 "2023-02-26T22:30:05Z")
I think this may just be our household expression, but I’ll share it with you, as a lot of us on the boards are, well, getting on in years. Sometimes you just know it would be wise to _squeeze one out_ before, for example, an hour long car journey. That’s called _Going for a precautionary._ BTW: is the expression _To shake hands with the unemployed_ specifically British? j ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/95 "2023-02-26T22:37:44Z")
> [@Treppenwitz](#): > > BTW: is the expression _To shake hands with the unemployed_ specifically British? I’ve heard it said there and in Canada, but the Canada one was a transplanted Englishman. I haven’t heard it in my part of the U.S. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/96 "2023-02-26T23:16:21Z")
Wow, this takes me back! One summer when I was in my early teens, a friend once called to ask if I’d like to come to her apartment complex to swim, and I told her I couldn’t because my Aunt Georgie was visiting. She got mad and told me to quit making excuses for why I didn’t want to come over. It turned out that I’d declined to go swimming just a couple of weeks earlier because I was having my period; it took a little bit of back-and-forth to realize she thought I was using a euphemism when I was just telling her that my great aunt was visiting from Pennsylvania and my mom would expect me to stay home to help entertain her. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2023, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/97 "2023-02-27T09:56:08Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > a visit from Aunt Flo(w) That reminds me of the female wrestlers in _Family Guy_: Peter’s huge sister = Heavy Flo Random opponent = Her Vajesty’s Secret Cervix Teenaged Meg = Teen LaQueefah ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2023, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/98 "2023-02-27T20:41:22Z")
Peter and Lois are on a date night. They discuss sex, and Lois say something like: “I hope you don’t mind a little marinara dipping sauce”. ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2023, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/99 "2023-02-27T23:44:30Z")
I’m somewhat disappointed to find no mention so far of [Rogers Profanisaurus](https://archive.org/stream/RogersProfanisaurusPreviouslyKnownAsSwearyMarysDictionaryOfFilth/Roger%27s%20Profanisaurus%20previously%20known%20as%20Sweary%20Mary%27s%20Dictionary%20of%20Filth_djvu.txt) in this thread. If you hear someone mention Eartha Kitts, a copper bolt, growing a tail or Montezuma’s Revenge, for example, they’re probably on the way to the lavatory (or recently visited there). Favourite fart euphemisms of mine from the same source: cut the cheese, float an air biscuit, and of course, trouser cough. There are far too many inventive masturbatory phrases to list (e.g. ‘whitewater wristing’) but ‘love custard’, ‘baby batter’, ‘tadpole yogurt’ and ‘population paste’ are all terms I’ve heard used before to describe its resulting ‘bodily fluid’. Plus, tangentially related, have a guess what ‘Map of Africa’ refers to. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2023, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905/100 "2023-02-28T00:32:51Z")
> [@Ferris](#): > > resulting ‘bodily fluid’ Dried on the sheets? “California love chip”. Don’t ask me why. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-euphemisms-for-bodily-functions/967905.md?page=6)