# What Are Your Favorite/Best Spongebob Quotes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 1, 2012, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568 "2012-05-01T22:06:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/21 "2012-05-02T16:16:42Z")
We quote, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” all the time. Squidward: Drrrrrgh! All right, what’s going on out here? I can’t even hear myself think! Patrick: Oh! Ooh! Can you smell yourself think? Squidward: No. As I was saying, you two… Patrick: Or see? Squidward: No! Patrick: Aah! How, how about taste? Can you taste yourself think? ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/22 "2012-05-02T16:30:37Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > Mister Krabs is my absolute favorite for this. Two that come mind: > > “Boy, I can give you ten good reasons to never let go of a dime!” > > There’s an episode where the Ghost of the Flying Dutchman lays claim to Mr. Krabs’s soul for being cheap. Spongebob offers the Dutchman his own soul as a test to prove that Krabs isn’t cheap. The Dutchman accepts the bet, and offers to buy Spongebob from Mr. Krabs for the change he has in his pocket, which amounts to $1.62. Krabs fails the test, and the Dutchman takes Spongebob, leading to this exchange: > > Squidward: “Mr. Krabs, I can’t believe you just did that.” > Krabs: “What, you think I could have gotten more for him?” Mr. Krabs gets all the best lines. “You had to kill him. He cried you a sweater of tears…and you killed him.” > [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > When Plankton switches lives with Mr. Krabs and he comes flying through the air, Plankton screams in horror, “He’s _naked_!” — and then they shoot bras and grannypanties at him. Yes! And then the best part: “Ah well, at least it’s underwire.” ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/23 "2012-05-02T16:38:21Z")
For some reason, Squidward’s “We come for your pickle” line has become a family favorite… ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/24 "2012-05-02T16:45:46Z")
Chum Is Fum Spongebob:Patrick, just how dumb are you? Patrick: It depends. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/25 "2012-05-02T16:49:17Z")
I’ve never seen more than a few minutes of SBSP but I remember hearing someone yell, “WHERE HAVE OUR BALLS GOOOOOOONE!?” as I was flipping channels. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/26 "2012-05-02T18:12:25Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > For some reason, Squidward’s “We come for your pickle” line has become a family favorite… I use this all the time. Its from the Halloween special DVD where Mr Krabs is telling Spongebob a ghost story in the lobby of the Krusty Krab after closing time, using various fast food condiments for props. He was telling Spongebob about getting his soul stolen and waving a couple pickle chips back and forth and Spongebob interrupts and asks him “Are souls really shaped like pickles?” and Mr Krabs says “Aye, as a matter of fact they are!”. Later in the story Squidward pops up from behind a barrel and says “I’ve come for your pickle!” and Spongebob leaps out of his seat in terror. That’s a really good one! And so is the payback Spongebob gets later in the episode. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/27 "2012-05-02T19:02:23Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Patrick: Liar, liar plants for hire > Spongebob: Don’t you mean, “pants on fire?” > Patrick: You would know…liar. > I use that one all the time. Yes! Can’t believe I forgot it. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/28 "2012-05-02T19:12:37Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > Anytime there’s candy, we always say CHOCOLATE like that horrible old woman they were selling candy bars to. “What did he say?” “CHOCOLATE!!” I can watch that episode (“Chocolate With Nuts”) over and over again. It was the old woman’s daughter that was saying CHOCOLATE. The exchange went like this: Mary (to her mother, in strong Brooklyn-type accent): They’re selling chocolate! Mary’s mother (basically just a dried-up backbone and skull with skin): What? What did you say? Mary: They’re selling CHOCOLATE! Mary’s mother: I can’t hear you. Mary: THEY’RE SELLING CHOCOLATE!!! Mary’s mother: I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I ALWAYS HATED IT I like to say “What?? What did he say?” in that raspy voice. ---
**Author:** ![MadTheSwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/29 "2012-05-02T19:18:39Z")
Patrick is my favorite,damned if I can think of any quotes tho. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/30 "2012-05-02T19:22:43Z")
Patrick: Who you callin’ Pinhead? (… with his face all scrunched up into, well, a pinhead.) Plankton: You can’t do this to me! I went to college! ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/31 "2012-05-02T19:23:09Z")
“The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.” (cut to footage of a carton of milk being pushed over and spilling onto a table.) ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/32 "2012-05-02T19:26:49Z")
> [@MadTheSwine](#): > > Patrick is my favorite,damned if I can think of any quotes tho. [Here ya go](http://nickelodeon.wikia.com/wiki/Patrick_Star/Quotes). Another favorite: Krabs: Spongebob, that hat makes ya look like a girl. Spongebob: (With big doe eyes) am I a _pretty_ girl? ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/33 "2012-05-02T19:41:02Z")
This is the first scene I ever saw: “Spongebob, if we’re underwater, how do we have a fire?” [fire goes out] When I’m getting the kids ready for school, I’ll often quote Spongebob the morning after he forgot how to tie his shoes: “I’m read- [trip] . . . I’m read-[trip] . . . I’m re-[trip], etc.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/34 "2012-05-02T20:38:39Z")
“Yellow!” “PINK!” “Hi, SpongeBoob. Heehee! I said ‘SpongeBoob’!” A lovestruck Patrick to King Neptune’s daughter: “You’re hawt!” “What? I always come in at 4am to count all the sesame seeds.” It always kills me when Gary the snail rolls his little eyes at SpongeBob’s latest idiocy. > [@Ruffian](#): > > I recently posted a video on my FB wall that was [this scene in its entirety](http://spongebob.nick.com/videos/clip/INT_spo_yourbrain_thelid.html). It exemplifies what teaching is like on some days. Seriously…“First, get a jar…Patrick, that’s a pickle.” “Yes.” OMG…seriously, that is my job… When someone in our family just isn’t getting what we’re saying, we’ll repeat slowly and patiently, “The lid… the LID… no, the LID!” ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/35 "2012-05-02T21:15:05Z")
For some reason, Mrs\* Puff’s exasperated exclamation “Why, Spongebob, Why?” (after he causes yet more devastion and destruction to Bikini Bottom during his driving lessons), is suitable for many occasions… \*IIRC, Mr Puff was stuffed and made into a lamp - wnich is why Mrs Puff “doesn’t like to talk about it”. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/36 "2012-05-02T21:57:28Z")
From the movie: Dennis, the biker hitman: “Don’t worry. This’ll only hurt a lot!” Squidward: “Chum Bucket? Free? Kabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With?” Plankton: “It’s evil. It’s diabolical. It’s lemon-scented. This Plan Z can’t possibly fail!” SpongeBob, explaining to Patrick: “The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features: Sesame seed finish; steel-belted pickles; grilled leather interior; and under the hood, a fuel-injected French fryer with dual overhead grease traps.” Old lady in the crowd: “Knucklehead McSpazatron!” Patrick, after crashing: “Did you see my butt?” Plankton, being arrested: “Come on, can’t you take a joke? Wasn’t that funny? With the monuments and the buildings? Wasn’t that hilarious…? \*I will destroy all of you!” \* ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/37 "2012-05-02T22:16:01Z")
Not so much a quote, but in “One Krab’s Trash” Spongebob and Patrick are at a cemetery, and we see Squidward crying over a headstone. The “camera” moves over to the stone, revealing the inscription “Squidward’s hopes and dreams” ---
**Author:** ![3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/47e85d/32.png) [@3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3_20_59_or_bust)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/38 "2012-05-02T22:36:03Z")
The police get a lot of good lines in SpongeBob: Cop: “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time!” -a half-second passes Cop: “OK, time’s up!” Cop 1: “Die Zombie!” Cop 2: “Nice police work, Officer Nancy.” Cop 1: “Well, buckle up and we’ll drive real smooth-like.” -Punches the gas pedal. Cop 1: “Don’t worry, SpongeBob. He won’t be able to strangle you.” Cop 2: “Yeah, we got him chained up real good. He’ll never get away.” Cop 1: “Oops, not again…” Cop 2: “Yep, he got away.” Cop 1: “We’re gonna straighten you out!” -whacking something with her police baton. Cop 2: “This’ll fix ya!” -Also hitting something with his baton. Cut to bent parking meter being straightened. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2012, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/39 "2012-05-03T10:34:22Z")
Plankton: Coin-operated self- destruct. Not one of my better ideas. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2012, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568/40 "2012-05-03T14:33:26Z")
My favorite insult: Squidward: If I had a dime for every brain you don’t have, I’d have one dime. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-best-spongebob-quotes/620568.md?page=3)