# What are your favorite James Bond one-liners? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 25, 2011, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024 "2011-11-25T05:18:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/21 "2011-11-25T16:52:35Z")
Going on memory here. I think it was in Live and Let Die. Bond has arrived in New York, and is travelling in a car. The voice of Felix Leiter (Bond’s CIA counterpart) is heard coming from the radio, trying to speak with Bond. Bond wants to reply to Felix, but where is the radio microphone? Felix informs Bond that if he wants to reply, to use the car’s cigarette lighter. “Ah,” says Bond. “A genuine Felix Lighter.” ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/22 "2011-11-25T17:20:11Z")
> [@A\_clever\_user\_name](#): > > Love this as both an homage to and break from previous Bonds: > > Bartender: Shaken or stirred? > Bond: Do I look like I give a damn? Seconded, that’s what I came here to say. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/23 "2011-11-25T17:25:57Z")
In Dr. No (I believe - sometimes the Caribbean Bond films can run together) Bond and his girl have just been chased up a mountain road by a hearse full of hit men. Bond avoids being killed by the hearse by driving under a jacknifed tanker truck (he was in a small sports car). The hearse crashes into the tanker truck and a huge explosion takes place. The girl gasps and Bond looks back and says, “I think they were going to a funeral.” ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/24 "2011-11-25T19:53:41Z")
[Mitchell and Webb](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIfSQW499Xc) are slightly less than enamoured by Mr. Bond’s one liners. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/25 "2011-11-25T20:10:11Z")
Only one Bond movie worth watching. It has Sir James saying: _“It’s depressing that the words ‘secret agent’ have become synonymous with ‘sex maniac.’”_ ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/26 "2011-11-25T20:13:36Z")
From _Casino Royale_: “No, for one.” When ordering champagne from room service. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/27 "2011-11-25T20:14:36Z")
Man with the Golden Gun: Bond points a gun at a guy’s groin: “Speak now or forever hold your piece.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/28 "2011-11-25T20:32:31Z")
> [@A\_clever\_user\_name](#): > > Love this as both an homage to and break from previous Bonds: “This never happened to the other fellow.” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/29 "2011-11-25T20:40:36Z")
Nobody’s mentioned “I must be dreaming” yet? Tsk, tsk. FWIW, I was going to mention the one from post 18. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/30 "2011-11-25T21:05:12Z")
I’ve generally found the one liners by Bond’s cohorts and competitors more interesting that Bond himself. For instance in _Casino Royale_, Vesper’s response to Bond’s attempt to deprecate her in the dining car was nothing short of brilliant: “And of course, it makes perfect sense. MI-6 looks for maladjusted young men who think nothing of sacrificing others for queen and country. You know, former SAS types with easy smiles and expensive watches. Rolex?” In a single exchange, she deconstructs the Bond-as-hero myth, exposing him as being in his position out of a combination of insecurity and a near-sociopathic desire for action. I also enjoyed Le Chiffre’s statement in the same vein: “Weeping blood comes from a derangement of the tear ducts, my dear general. Nothing sinister.” From _Quantum of Solace_, Mr. White’s comment after Bond flushes the members of Quantum having a surreptitious convention at the opera: “Apparently Tosca isn’t for everyone.” It makes even more sense if you know the plot of Tosca. What I find most instructive, however, are M’s repeated threats to bring in 008 to replace Bond, repeated in at least three or four films. In _The Living Daylights_, for instance, when Bond expresses misgivings about the supposted resurgence of _Smert’ Spionam_ and orders to terminate Gen. Pushkin: “I’ll recall 008 from Hong Kong. He follows orders, not instincts. You can take a fortnight’s leave.” The vaunted 008 seems to be the the reserve agent who can do the really tough jobs that Bond cannot perform. Bond recognizes this himself in the famous laser bisection scene in _Goldfinger_, when he tells the titular villain, “If I fail to report, 008 replaces me.” Personally, I look forward to the exploits of Bond’s successive number, which undoubtedly make Bond’s accomplishments seem like a Boy Scout parade in comparison. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/31 "2011-11-25T22:09:11Z")
From Thunderball: Patricia : What do you do? Bond: **_I travel, a sort of licensed trouble shooter_.** In Quantum of Solace, his partner had booked them into a crummy Bolivia hotel because she said that it fit their profile as teachers on sabbatical. Bond decided to upgrade to a five star hotel… Bond (to the receptionist): _ **Hello. We’re teachers on sabbatical and we’ve just won the lottery** _. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/32 "2011-11-26T02:22:13Z")
In From Russia with Love after a hit man tries to escape through the mouth of a billboard painted on a wall about four flights up and is shot (with the help of Bond) and falls to the ground dead. “She should have kept her mouth shut.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/33 "2011-11-26T02:27:53Z")
> [@Alka\_Seltzer](#): > > Seconded, that’s what I came here to say. Thirded. Also not a one-liner, but from that movie: James Bond: “I always thought M was a randomly assigned initial, I had no idea it stood for…” M: “Utter one more syllable and I’ll have you killed.” And from _GoldenEye_: M: “You don’t like me, Bond. You don’t like my methods. You think I’m an accountant, a bean counter more interested in my numbers than your instincts.” James Bond: “The thought had occurred to me.” M: “Good, because I think you’re a sexist, misogynist dinosaur. A relic of the Cold War, whose boyish charms, though wasted on me, obviously appealed to that young woman I sent out to evaluate you.” James Bond: “Point taken.” ---
**Author:** ![SweetLucy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@SweetLucy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SweetLucy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/34 "2011-11-26T07:04:30Z")
I can’t remember which movie- maybe “For Your Eyes Only-” Bond lands a small plane on a country road, pulls into a gas station, and says “fill’er up.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/35 "2011-11-26T08:19:45Z")
“Well, the first thing you should know about us is that we have people everywhere. Am I right?” “When someone says “We’ve got people everywhere”, you expect it to be hyperbole! Lots of people say that. Florists use that expression.” And the aforementioned “Well, Tosca isn’t for everyone.” ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/36 "2011-11-26T11:09:31Z")
_Diamonds are Forever_ was not the best Bond movie, but Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd had some good lines. “One is never too old to learn from a master.” “He couldn’t make it. Bitten by the bug.” “If man were meant to fly, Mr. Wint . . .” “He would have been given wings, Mr. Kidd.” “But that would spoil the _surprise_!” ---
**Author:** ![Damfino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Damfino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damfino)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/37 "2011-11-26T22:01:44Z")
> [@SweetLucy](#): > > I can’t remember which movie- maybe “For Your Eyes Only-” Bond lands a small plane on a country road, pulls into a gas station, and says “fill’er up.” 😃 Probably _Octopussy_ in the pre-title sequence. ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/38 "2011-11-27T03:55:35Z")
I can’t remember which Bond film this is from and I am merely paraphrasing, but the scene has a woman in a bubble bath and she is to get out of the tub. She says something like, “Well, at least you could give me something to wear!” So, Bond hands her a pair of high heels. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/39 "2011-11-27T04:05:34Z")
Thunderball, the woman in question is the SPECTRE agent Fiona Volpe (the subject of another post above which didn’t remember which film it was in). ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024/40 "2011-11-27T04:14:28Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > \*Goldfinger \*had lots of great ones: > > “No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.” And yet, Randall Munroe was able to [improve on it.](http://xkcd.com/123/) 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-favorite-james-bond-one-liners/604024.md?page=3)