# What are your "Hell Television" channels?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [February 7, 2022, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049 "2022-02-07T13:29:17Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/1 "2022-02-07T13:29:17Z")
When I go to Hell, I envision television service. However, it _IS_ Hell. Each channel will loop the same movie nonstop for all eternity. Current channels are:
º La-La Land
º Oh, Heavenly Dog!
º From Here To Eternity ( Because Satan has a hilarious sense of humor)
º The Day After Tomorrow
What are your Hell Television channels?
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### Author:  [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/2 "2022-02-07T13:35:27Z")
Hallmark movies and LOTS of commercials.
Which is to say, not all that different than TV in our world now.
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### Author:  [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/3 "2022-02-07T13:40:31Z")
MeTV already holds that distinction for me. I mean I enjoyed most of the programs when they came out and the up to the 20th time I watched them as a kid. But for eternity? No thanks Andy. I cringe when I go over to an older friends house and they have MeTv on watching Gomer Pyle, its then I know they are going senile.
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### Author:  [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/4 "2022-02-07T13:44:51Z")
Endless soap operas. I envision myself tied to a hard metal chair with a rigid straight back. My eyelids are taped open and my head is in a vice-like device that prevents me from turning away from a television so large that even averting my eyes as far as possible to the left or right does no good whatsoever. 😳
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### Author:  [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/5 "2022-02-07T14:25:56Z")
Nonstop sports and “reality”, especially if Kardashians or Paris Hilton are involved.
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### Author:  [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/6 "2022-02-07T14:56:19Z")
Bravo, TLC, and FOX News, exactly as they already are. [shudder]
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/7 "2022-02-07T15:02:37Z")
One of those golf-only channels.
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### Author:  [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/8 "2022-02-07T15:21:29Z")
Every channel is undergoing [Network Decay.](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NetworkDecay)
And there’s no bottom.
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### Author:  [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/9 "2022-02-07T15:25:37Z")
The 24 hour Star Trek TNG channel.
But it’s only season 1.
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### Author:  [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/10 "2022-02-07T15:26:27Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#):
>
> MeTV already holds that distinction for me.
I don’t mind the shows, but they butcher the episodes beyond comprehension. We used to watch Hogan’s Heroes and I am familiar with the episodes (my dad and I watched them endlessly in the 70s) so much that I notice when they omit setups for jokes, but leave the (delayed) punchline in, which then makes no sense. Or on Magnum PI (different channel, same problem) they remove entire scenes rendering the story confusing.
My HellTV would be either QVC, or one of those overly-commercialed channels that show mediocre movies such as Battleship with 8 minutes of commercials every three minutes. Or even worse, The Weather Channel, because it would piss me off that they don’t actually show weather anymore.\*
Or a special version of MTV, where it is all stupid reality shows, but they promise “in 30 minutes, we’ll be showing videos, with VJ Martha Quinn hosting”, but they never do.
\* your local 8 on the 8’s weather: Hot followed by more hot, with boiling blood rain this afternoon. Lows in the mid 1000s, with highs of 2500 by noon.
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### Author:  [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/11 "2022-02-07T15:26:56Z")
Whatever channel(s) air the looking for Bigfoot and the Secret of Oak Island shows.
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### Author:  [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/12 "2022-02-07T15:33:04Z")
The 24 hour Shopping Channel. The Price is Right and Other Game Shows Channel. Classic Soap Operas from the 1960s. The Nonstop Beverly Hillbillies and I Love Lucy Rerunathon. Sports Nonstop with Commentator Chatter.
… can we just say TV and leave it at that?
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### Author:  [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/13 "2022-02-07T15:40:59Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#):
>
> My HellTV would be either QVC, or one of those overly-commercialed channels that show mediocre movies such as Battleship with 8 minutes of commercials every three minutes
Second this.
If I may digress - any of those **shows** that are “all celebrities all the time.” (My one Doctor’s waiting room has a TV locked to them.)
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### Author:  [@Limmin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limmin)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/14 "2022-02-07T15:45:09Z")
Wow, Hell TV. Yes, I can imagine it. I agree with many posters here in that soap operas would be a staple of the HTV channel. That, and continuous Sunday morning televangelist sermons.
Add to this Netflix style sci-fi, that looks great on the surface, but actually try to watch it and … oh the disappointment.
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### Author:  [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/15 "2022-02-07T15:47:19Z")
The “Ow, My Balls”\* Channel, which only runs _Jackass_, and the humiliation/punishment “game shows” that TBS runs, such as _Wipeout_.
\*- Channel name taken from the film _Idiocracy_, in which, 100 years in the future, the top-rated TV show consists entirely of a guy repeatedly being hit in the crotch by various things.
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### Author:  [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/16 "2022-02-07T15:47:25Z")
> [@running\_coach](#):
>
> Every channel is undergoing [Network Decay.](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NetworkDecay)
> And there’s no bottom.
To be fair, Turner Classic Movies remains true to its roots.
My hell network would include:
News from Fox and OANN
Sports would be golf, tennis, and any women’s sports
Kardashians
Televangelists
Cartoons from Hanna Barbara and Family Guy
Marvel Movies
all of which sponsored by the FlexSeal family of products.
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### Author:  [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/17 "2022-02-07T16:31:17Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#):
>
> all of which sponsored by the FlexSeal family of products.
and My Pillow guy.
Add in anything that is advertised during Law and Order on WeTV:
Growing Up Hip Hop
Marriage Boot Camp
Marriage Boot Camp: Hip Hop edition
Love After Lockup
Love During Lockup
Braxton Family Values
Waka and Tammy: What the Flocka
The Real Blac Chyna
Beyond the Pole
Bridezillas
Mama June
I can’t believe these shows exist, let alone that anyone watches them.
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### Author:  [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/18 "2022-02-07T16:34:47Z")
The Duggar Channel.
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### Author:  [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/19 "2022-02-07T17:56:27Z")
The 24 hours a day nonstop commercials for old people channel. Alex Trebek (and his replacement Johnathan) selling term life insurance, Tom Selleck hawking reverse mortgages, Joe Namath and Jimmy Walker shilling Medicare plans, etc.
In other words, the “H & I” cable channel without their regular programming.
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### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2022, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-hell-television-channels/959049/20 "2022-02-07T18:05:10Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#):
>
> Add in anything that is advertised during Law and Order on WeTV:
I am so on board with this! Some of that shit is damn near _offensive._
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