# What are your litmus tests for screening or ending dates? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 28, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267 "2009-06-28T17:47:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/41 "2009-06-30T05:58:07Z")
> [@straggler](#): > > Translation: > “I can’t imagine a _guy who is a pro-lifer_ would be a particularly good or attentive lover, anyway”. > > Wow! How ignorant, but it’s people like you that re-affirm my pro-life leanings, rather than challenge me to question them. So thanks :). A shame, too, since I don’t smoke, have an equal number of male and female friends and this long, luscious hair! But yes, knowing someone thinks they should overrule me regarding what comes out of my body totally kills my boner (and makes me wonder how much of a say I get over what goes _in_ it). ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/42 "2009-06-30T06:23:42Z")
To add to the dating profiles that get a pass from me: - A front page pic with one of your toys prominently out front. If your profile looks interesting without this, I’ll check out other pics posted. On the front page, it looks like the fact that you can afford the Harley, big boat or Jag is the main selling point. - A front page pic in which no one could ID you personally because you’re just a speck on the landscape. This is another one that needs to be relegated to the pictures page. - Guys looking to “pamper” me. Jeez, that tells me that you are either a total loser with no opinions / needs of your own or that you don’t want an independent woman. Either way, I’m not the one for you. - Profiles with the headline of an overused line from any song, no matter how much I actually like the song. Think of something original, why don’t ya. IRL: - Guys who insist on buying me drinks even after the second or third one sits there untouched. Dude, if I need that kind of alcohol to filter you, it’s a no-go. - Guys who say _I love you_ way too early on. Smacks of desparation. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/43 "2009-06-30T06:56:01Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > A cell phone is nothing but a license to be rude. People need licences to be rude now? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/44 "2009-06-30T12:49:58Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Gay guys who- > \ > -Have a favorite football team or a favorite Spice Girl Favorite football team - American football I suppose (I’m not American)? Anyway, why or how is “having a favorite football team” considered stereotypically gay (well, you list it among “stereotypically gay” things anyway)?😕 Please fight my ignorance. > [@Sampiro](#): > > -Carry _and show_ pictures of their cats That would be most Dopers. _ZOMG KITTEHS!!!111!_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/45 "2009-06-30T13:22:05Z")
Many years ago a woman asked me if it would bother me if I were dating a woman who could bench press more than I can. I’m not sure it would, but she made such a fuss about it that she weirded me out, so I politely ended the evening. (As politely as one can, when one ends an evening early.) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/46 "2009-06-30T13:58:14Z")
It’s funny reading this thread this morning. In the past 3 hours, my perspective on dating has completely transformed. The things people are mentioning seem so petty and shallow. There’s only one criterion that I have for a potential mate, and that’s passion. When her e-mails go from “It was nice meeting you” to “I’m tingling all over!” in just a couple of hours, suddenly hair length and cell phones don’t seem all that important. Yes, I’m having a good day. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Baby\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@Baby\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baby_Driver)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/47 "2009-06-30T16:54:21Z")
If a first date delibrately starts talking about how lonely he is these days or how he’s been hurt in the past. It’s unappealing and inappropriate that early on. If the person is 20+ minutes late without giving any sort of notice (a text would be fine) ahead of time - not _necessarily_ a deal breaker, but I wouldn’t be impressed. I’d be a lot grumpier if I’m standing on a curbside getting hooted at my homeless people while waiting for my date to pick me up than if I’m at a cafe with a magazine to pass the time. > [@Ichbin\_Dubist](#): > > On the screening end of things, the following in an Internet dating profile will get you shunted to oblivion: Slight hijack: It kind of amuses/annoys me when I get messages from unattractive guys who list “casual sex” as something they’re looking for alongside “long-term relationship”. If casual sex is what you’re mainly looking for, fine. You’re not necessarily doomed to a life of penile inaction just because you’re homely, but your personality is gonna have be a greater asset than your face/bod. Strategically, sex is better left off the table till after we meet in person. A young, pretty girl (or even a young, not-so-pretty girl) is not going to suffer from a dearth of sexual propositions online, so play to your strengths. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![ashman165](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@ashman165](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ashman165)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/48 "2009-06-30T17:11:45Z")
> [@Baby\_Driver](#): > > If the person is 20+ minutes late without giving any sort of notice (a text would be fine) ahead of time - not _necessarily_ a deal breaker, but I wouldn’t be impressed. I’d be a lot grumpier if I’m standing on a curbside getting hooted at my homeless people while waiting for my date to pick me up than if I’m at a cafe with a magazine to pass the time. One wonders what kind of date you’d be on where you give curbside service. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/49 "2009-06-30T17:12:12Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > There’s only one criterion that I have for a potential mate, and that’s passion. When her e-mails go from “It was nice meeting you” to “I’m tingling all over!” in just a couple of hours, suddenly hair length and cell phones don’t seem all that important. Too true. I’ve seen friends’ theoretical deal breakers quickly vanish upon meeting someone tho they find/finds them attractive. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/50 "2009-06-30T17:22:23Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Too true. I’ve seen friends’ theoretical deal breakers quickly vanish upon meeting someone tho they find/finds them attractive. I remember hearing about a study that was done on people that did speed dating. They were asked a series of questions on what they were and weren’t looking for in a mate. At the end of the speed dating they were asked again, and their answers were completely different. I think the conclusion was attraction first, rationalization second. “But I’ve ALWAYS loved women with goiters!” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/51 "2009-06-30T17:22:27Z")
> [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](#): > > Favorite football team - American football I suppose (I’m not American)? Anyway, why or how is “having a favorite football team” considered stereotypically gay (well, you list it among “stereotypically gay” things anyway)?😕 > Please fight my ignorance. It’s not stereotypically gay, it just happens to be a deal breaker for me. I have no interest in football and don’t really want to date anyone who does as they’re going to disappear every Saturday afternoon for a few months. Works for them too- they need someone who can understand or care what they’re talking about after a good game. ---
**Author:** ![ashman165](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@ashman165](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ashman165)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/52 "2009-06-30T17:27:34Z")
> [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](#): > > Favorite football team - American football I suppose (I’m not American)? Anyway, why or how is “having a favorite football team” considered stereotypically gay (well, you list it among “stereotypically gay” things anyway)?😕 > Please fight my ignorance. I have no idea why you’d think that’s stereotypically gay. Indeed, this is the first I’ve heard of it, and being gay I thought I’d pretty much heard them all. Whom did you hear this from? Most of the gays I know don’t care for football, or really any organized sport of that ilk. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/53 "2009-06-30T17:32:44Z")
Good point about sports, which has nothing to do with gayness. I’ve turned down women who were all Red Sox this, Red Sox that, Red Sox Red Sox Red Sox. I hate baseball. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/54 "2009-06-30T17:52:46Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Good point about sports, which has nothing to do with gayness. I’ve turned down women who were all Red Sox this, Red Sox that, Red Sox Red Sox Red Sox. > > I hate baseball. I don’t like it myself either but I did discover a nice trick once. Invite her to an early season game when it is still pretty cold. That will sound innocent enough to most prospects. Secretly bring ONE small blanket. When she gets really cold, break out the blanket. You will look like a hero and a great person to have around. Both of you climb under the blanket and you can do pretty much want from there. Women don’t like being cold so they are at your mercy. This superpower is most useful for a friend that you want more from or for a very effective quick icebreaker. Just ignore the game and you will have a great time if you do it right. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/55 "2009-06-30T17:55:35Z")
Ah, the old blanket trick. I tried that last year but at the beach. And the blanket was her idea. I surprised we didn’t get arrested. But attraction had already been established by that point. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/56 "2009-06-30T18:00:54Z")
Disclaimer: Obviously we’re talking about people we’re already physically attracted to who are not showing signs of racism, sexism, homophobia, or general batshit insanity. Also (noticing the previous back and forth) I’m not specifically posting these to piss anyone off or make anyone feel bad about themselves or their choices. These are just _my_ deal breakers and you and I weren’t going to be dating anyway, so we’re all happy 🙂 Run like hell: [ul] [li]regular smoker[/li][li]is married, separated, or not at least six months outside of a divorce[/li][li]has full-time custody of small children or wants me to bear his children[/li][li]shows signs of clinginess[/li][li]Red Sox fan[/li][/ul] I’ll probably think of more as soon as I post this. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/57 "2009-06-30T18:21:45Z")
1. “My dad used to have to smack my mom around to keep her in line.” 2. “It’s been so long since I had sex, I’m not sure I’m qualified to use the Men’s Room–maybe I should just use the Ladies’ Room…because it’s been so long since I had sex.” 3. “All women just see men as ATMs. I’m not a cash cow.” 4. “Rachel Ray is so hot. I keep one of her cookbooks next to my bed to use every night.” 1 through 3 were on actual first dates. 4 was on a first meet. I also stopped dating a guy who revealed only on specific questioning that he’d been married 4 times and still lived with his mother. I didn’t have a second date with a man who said he was single but wasn’t and I’m good friends but avoid romantic involvement with a man whose first wife was a controlling psycho, second wife was a needy psycho, last 2 girlfriends were jealous psychos and, I suspect, his past is riddled with other flavors of psychotic women he hasn’t yet mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![straggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@straggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straggler)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/58 "2009-06-30T18:24:40Z")
I think **Cat Fight** has a crush on me. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/59 "2009-06-30T18:55:30Z")
> [@ashman165](#): > > Most of the gays I know don’t care for football, or really any organized sport of that ilk. You’d be surprised. The gays I’ve known, especially the ones who graduated from major football colleges, are about 50/50. And I’ve yet to date a gay guy who liked showtunes (techno- yes, country- yes, rock- yes, but save for perhaps one or two musicals they have no interest). A stereotype that may have once been true but is outdated- I’ve never even _met_ a gay guy under 60 who had a Judy Garland records/CDs/I-tunes playlist in his collection. ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267/60 "2009-06-30T19:15:00Z")
> [@ashman165](#): > > It’s curious that you find being rude to your date acceptable, but that being rude to wait staff isn’t. This is a bit unfair. I don’t see a parrallel between making the waitstaff feel like shit because your steak isn’t _just so_ and apologetically glancing at my phone and mentioning that my son is out with friends and I’m a bit of a neurotic mom. He’s gonna find out eventually, you know. > [@](#): > > Were I on a date with you (unlikely since you feel like a chick, and I’m a gay guy), your ass would be sitting alone with your cellphone. Yep, I’m a chick. And even if I weren’t, I can respect that you find it rude to acknowledge ones cell phone at all while on a date. I certainly don’t feel the same way, but I can respect it and recognize that the cell phone mismatch (and our penchant for men who are attracted to our gender) is probably a dealbreaker. No worries. > [@](#): > > I have children. They may call when they want. If I don’t answer, they’ll have the number to the restaurant so they can call and get me immediately if it’s important. Otherwise, my cellphone goes on silent when I go inside somewhere it might annoy other people. I find it a bit ridiculous to front-load my children with information on which restaurant we’re going to (and sometimes we change restaurants last minute for some reason or maybe we haven’t gotten to the restaurant or have already left? Who knows!) when I have a perfectly good communication tool at my fingertips. I’d be a bit put off if a date received an emergency call at the restaurant and explained its because his kids weren’t supposed to call his cell phone while he’s out. I guess I can understand it, but it would feel a bit weird to me. > [@](#): > > As I tell people, I have a mobile for _my_ convenience, not for everyone else’s. > > Clearly, you have a cell phone for everyone else’s _in_convenience. I don’t know how to answer that. Everyone in my social circle behaves the same way and it’s honestly not an issue. Different strokes and all that, I suppose. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-litmus-tests-for-screening-or-ending-dates/501267.md?page=4)