I hate that, too. There was a Woody Allen movie my husband tried to watch once (can’t remember the name, I think it had Scarlett Johanssen in it) and the narrator described everything they did. “Then they went into the bakery, where they ordered scones.” I can see that! I’m watching the movie and that’s what they’re doing!
As some others have mentioned, I hate it when I’ve read a book and the movie has very little resemblance to it. I can understand the need to trim here and there to fit into two hours or less, but do you have to change the whole plot? (I’m looking at you, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter!)
My biggest pet peeve in movies is probably vomit. I don’t want to see vomit, ever. It’s not edgy, it’s disgusting. Go ahead and imply vomit, but please, please, do not make me look at it, especially when I am trying to enjoy my popcorn.
I get seriously annoyed when mundane humans in superhero movies are suddenly, inexplicably given superhuman powers. Two examples:
[ol]
[li]When Lois lane was on the sinking ship in Superman Returns. A heavy steel door (I forget what they’re called on ships) slams down on Lois’ head and knocks her into the water, unconsious. She comes to moments later with zero lasting effect. The woman should’ve suffered anything ranging from a serious concussion to a cranial hemmorage, crushed spine, and shattered skull.[/li][li]When Spider-man is holding onto the dangling trolley at the end of the first Spider-man movie. Mary Jane is hanging on to him, lets go, falls anywhere from 30 to 50 feet, and lands by catching herself on the edge of the trolley. Her arms should’ve snapped like twigs from the impact.[/li][/ol]
Look, I can suspend disbelief as much as the next guy. But don’t simply write completely unrealistic stuff into movies expecting me to believe it, especially when the scene can be written differently to be far more realistic.
I can’t stand bad things happening to animals either. I blame this all on Dumbo (or, you know, my sense of compassion). I had to give Like water for Elephants back; it was awful to read about the elephants.
The other thing I hate is the third act misunderstanding between lovers or best friends. JUST TALK IT OVER ASSHOLES.
Movies that pretend to be clever by omitting key details from the film and then revealing them at the end (or over the credits; looking at you Wild Things and Employee of the Month).
If you spend the movie telling me that the mother is the bank robber and then spend the last three minutes showing me how the dental assistant planted all the evidence, you didn’t “fool” me. You just changed your story at the last second because you thought it would count as a twist. Actual clever story telling would be to give me everything I need but don’t reveal how it’s tied together until the end. Yeah, you risk people solving it ahead of time but that should be an incentive to use your noodle and be smarter in your film making.
Mostly, I can’t stand stupidity. This includes stupid characters in general and smart characters doing stupid things. I also can’t stand edginess for the sake of edginess, like the vomit mentioned upthread.
I’m fairly nitpicky about suspension of disbelief. The movie has to make a reasonable effort to explain WHY transporter technology can’t be used over long distances, for instance.
I live in Texas, and have lived here for most of my life. Most “southern” accents in movies are really, really bad. I’d rather hear a neutral accent than a bad southern accent. I’m sure that there are other regional accents that are just as bad, I’m just not used to hearing them.
Oh, and I’m tired of a movie using a fake southern accent as shorthand that the character is stupid, bigoted, inbred, etc. I’ve met any number of stupid and bigoted people who DON’T have a southern accent. I rarely ask whether someone’s parents are cousins or sibs, though, so I don’t know if I’ve ever met someone who is inbred.
What really kills things for me is bad wardrobe continuity.
In Transformers III, I’ll readily accept talking robots, alien life, a centuries-long hidden robot in plain site, and explosions that would kill normal people.
But when the lead actress is wearing white the whole time, even after sliding down hills, and she remains wearing pristine white clothes? Just wrecks it for me.
That bothers me a lot. I’m not sure why. Sometimes it’s the only reason I know what’s going on, but it’s such an obvious device I think it just disrupts the suspension of disbelief.
Acting like death is noble and romantic. Acting like pining forever over a death is noble and romantic.
Villains who are ten steps ahead of the good guys so that every apparent setback is actually part of the larger plan.
Women who were competent and then suddenly need a big, strong man to tell them to fight, or run, or think.
Free spirit comes to town and shows all the staid folk how staid and boring they are and they all celebrate.
Big city guy with his big city ways comes to town and discovers how great it is to live amongst the staid folk and they all celebrate.
Basically, any plot that involves a transformative character had better make at least some effort to make that character seem actually transformative and special.
On the other hand, sometimes things have to be explained to an audience that may have spent every math class passing notes to each other. But it’s nice when the writer knows this and has the other character object to being patronized. My favorite example of that was this scene from The West Wing:
I really hate stories involving the military where it’s obvious that the writer/director/someone couldn’t be bothered to find out very basic things like when one does and does not salute, how the uniform is worn, or that an officer would not be discussing whether she would re-enlist or not, since officers don’t enlist… :rolleyes: Those kinds of things yank me out of a story faster than almost anything.
Another thing that pisses me off is when “the government” is portrayed as a secretive, omnipresent, monolithic power that does whatever it wants to whomever it wants. I know that’s popular with conspiracy theorists and the like, but in reality, the government is made up of lots of people doing their jobs every day like people in any field. I spent 37 years as a government employee and I know full well that the workforce is exactly like the general population in terms of their politics, values, attitudes, and demeanor. They don’t march in lock-step reciting a party line, and when I see portrayals that suggest such a thing, it makes me stabby!!
Finally - predictability. If I’ve got the whole ending figured out before the movie is halfway done, then it’s poorly done and I can’t stay interested. I don’t need a twist ending every time, but I’d like enough ambiguity that I want to know what happens.
Sympathetic characters who get suddenly killed off at the end of the second act for the sake of an emotional sucker-punch. (I’m looking at you, Mr. Whedon.)
The most blatant example of this that I’ve ever seen is the classic Destination: Moon, when the scientists are forced to bring an average Joe (actually named “Joe”) along so they can explain things like “A night on the Moon is two weeks long!”
In Stalag 17 (still a great movie, no matter what), it boggles the mind that Lt. Dunbar would have to look at his dogtags before he could give his serial number! :rolleyes:
The time has come for Hollywood to recognize that 99% of everyone watching their movies and TV shows uses a computer all the goddamn time, so maybe they should actually spend some effort making scenes with computers in them realistic. “Allow me to type 120 wpm without using a mouse so I can ‘zoom in and enhance’ a detail on that blurry image!”
Red-Tailed Hawk. My favorite variation on this cliche that drives meNUTS is when we hear it very faintly, more of a subconsciously suggested artifact of things Indian,* noble savage, primitive ruggedness where nature favors no man, a simpler time, etc. etc.
(* woo-woo Indian, not Slurpee indian)
Rom-coms/chick flicks. All of them. Where do I turn in my woman card?
Movies glorifying the mafia. (Which has been going on forever, to the point where some of them IRL took their cues how to dress/act from the movies!) They are all scum, a plague on the earth.
Movies where it is always always always the women (or “the girls”) killed in horrible ways by psychos and serial murderers. Like they are all innocent frail little bunny rabbits snatched up by birds of prey and dismembered/slaughtered in various creative ways…Why aren’t any MEN or boys ever picked off by killers? There must be a shit ton of homeless dope-addled men and boys ripe for the picking wandering the streets, hitchhikers, guys working alone late at night. They aren’t all big strong fearless asskickers. Always females…must be a psychological thing.
Movies that take a really good, quality piece of fantasy literature, a trilogy, say, and refuse to adhere to the storyline of the trilogy, introducing unnecessary falls off of cliffs, shield surfing, or other such stupidities, while ignoring scads of perfectly decent dialog while managing to toss a dwarf.
