# What are your thoughts on private/independent schooling for grades 9-12? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 18, 2016, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097 "2016-05-18T15:49:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2016, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097/41 "2016-05-19T13:02:59Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > If it’s going to really stretch you to pay $40k per year, per child for precollege education, all in the hope of them getting into an Ivy League school, then what’s the plan and where are the resources to pay for two kids to attend Harvard going to come from? This +1. FWIW, my kids went to private school up to high school, and went to public high school after that. The private school sure didn’t cost $41K a year, though. It was a good school academically, but we pulled them out mostly because of the idea that those who went to the school were the elite. They (my kids) didn’t like how clique-ish it was, and the attitude that the public school students were inferior. And it was not my experience that the private school dealt better with kids with adjustment problems - just the opposite, in fact. Students who acted out or didn’t keep up academically tended to flunk out or leave. Both my kids went on to college with rather marked success. (Insufferable bragging - my daughter got a 3.8 average, and my son graduated last Friday with a 4.0 average. I tend to stop random strangers on the street to mention it - consider yourself lucky that I am able to restrain myself here.) ‘Should I spend $41K to send my kids to a prep school so they can go to an Ivy League school’ is a question only you can answer. I wouldn’t, because of my financial situation (I make a good living, but come on!), my perception of the benefits to my kids, and the fact that the local high schools in my area aren’t bad. YMMV. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2016, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097/42 "2016-05-19T15:19:27Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > All the graduates are headed for college and there are a handful of kids (out of ~250) who are going to Ivies (no Harvards or Yales, but a couple of UPenns, Dukes, and Cornells). But the majority are off to respectable second-tier schools–the same as you’d find at a very good public high school. > > I have to admit to being puzzled by your “what the kids want, I’ll give them” mentality. Kids want a lot of things. Just because this “want” involves education doesn’t mean it should be indulged, especially if money is a real issue for you. If your daughter does have her eyes set on an Ivy League and gets accepted with no financial package, what’s the plan for handling that? That’s pretty much how my school (one of the top 2-3 private schools in Houston academically) worked- there was a handful (like literally 5-10 out of each class) of students who went to Ivy League schools, or Berkeley/Stanford, then the biggest chunk went to upper-tier Texas public schools(primarily Texas, Texas A&M or UH), with the next largest contingent going to private colleges like Georgetown, Notre Dame, William and Mary, Hampden-Sydney, Spring Hill, Trinity, Southwestern, etc… A very small contingent ended up going to other random schools like non-elite state universities (OU, LSU, UCLA) or service academies (West Point, Annapolis, AF Academy, Coast Guard Academy). Everyone generally speaking goes to college though; I think maybe one or two guys ended up enlisting in the military instead of going to college out of all the graduating classes during the time I was there. ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2016, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097/43 "2016-05-19T16:09:22Z")
My take on the OP is that he’s evaluating what’s best for his kids, not just based on what they want. But if he thinks the super expensive private school is best for them, he’ll find a way to pay for it. I’m sure he understands that in the very unlikely event his daughter gets into Harvard (not a judgment on the daughter, just an observation of the fact that it’s unlikely for pretty much anyone to get into Harvard) he’ll have to find a way to pay for that, too. All this talk about kids getting put down for not having a yacht or whatever is nonsense. Will that happen? Maybe, but it doesn’t mean peer pressure is going to result in the OP paying for extravagant vacations and yacht club memberships. There’s always some worse off than you and I’m sure his kids will survive even if they’re in the bottom half of their class in family income (if indeed that is the case). ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2016, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097/44 "2016-05-19T16:09:34Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I’m a big supporter of public education and - provided your public schools are adequate and safe - would strongly advise against mortgaging your future to pay for private school. > > Put that $40k (or whatever you would be spending) into enrichment activities, counseling, or a college fund. I agree with this. If the public school is decent, I would need a much more compelling reason to send her to such an expensive private school. You could spend some of the money on instrument lessons or to be part of a service organization or something else that she would find worthwhile and would also sound good on college essays. And also could spend some money on PSAT and SAT preparation. That might have been the best money my parents spent, because I ended up being a National Merit Scholar and got some good scholarships through that. And then you could put a lot more money towards her college fund. She might not thank you now, but she will definitely thank you when she graduates college and has a lot less student loans to pay then most of her friends do. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2016, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097/45 "2016-05-19T17:02:10Z")
Is your son seeing a therapist or, if necessary, psychiatrist? ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2016, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097/46 "2016-05-19T18:04:24Z")
> [@Ruken](#): > > Did you notice the part where he thinks he was mistaken to think they’d miss out on important social learning? Not necessarily addressed to the OP directly. I hear this so often that I feel obliged to respond to it in general to “fight ignorance”. Sorry if I sounded scolding. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2016, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097/47 "2016-05-19T18:10:44Z")
> [@Pabitel](#): > > Not necessarily addressed to the OP directly. I hear this so often that I feel obliged to respond to it in general to “fight ignorance”. Sorry if I sounded scolding. Is it “ignorance” to have an _opinion_ that differs from your own? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2016, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097/48 "2016-05-19T18:10:49Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > Is your son seeing a therapist or, if necessary, psychiatrist? He saw a therapist for about a year. It helped ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097/49 "2016-05-25T14:53:02Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Is it “ignorance” to have an _opinion_ that differs from your own? Not _opinion_, but cold hard facts. Unless the parent is a reclusive nut that locks up their kids the difference in socialization between home schooled and public schooled kids is such that there is certainly no deficit in the home schooled and quite often a benefit. [cite](http://peabody.vanderbilt.edu/faculty/pje/pje_volume_88_issue_3_2013/medlin.php) There are a ton of other cites out there but the first five pages of Google results were almost all homeschooling sites and I didn’t want to be accused of cherry picking. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-private-independent-schooling-for-grades-9-12/755097.md?page=2)