# What book titles will you never see? (But would like to) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 24, 2007, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178 "2007-06-24T01:41:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![essell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/34f0e0/32.png) [@essell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/essell)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/21 "2007-06-25T14:05:09Z")
_The latest fashion trends in armpit hair_ _A univseral guide for getting companies to do what they said they would._ _1001 techniques for removing a ball of matted hair from the plug hole_ ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/22 "2007-06-25T14:08:49Z")
**A Fundamentalist’s Guide to Understanding Evolution**. **101 Top Ski Vacations in Egypt**. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/23 "2007-06-25T14:22:11Z")
_How I Rigged the 2004 Ohio Vote_ by Kenneth Blackwell _My Confessions_ by Dick Cheney _Things I Wouldn’t Do_ by Paris Hilton _How I Won in 2008_ by Mike Gravel _Me and 'Roids Broke Aaron’s Record_ by Bobby Bonds _Our Fifth Straight NCAA Football Championship_ by Mark D’Antonio _Scientology is a Fraud_ by Tom Cruise _The New Catholic Guide for Using Birth Control Pills_ by Pope Benedict _Why I Hid Being a Liberal Democrat All These Years_ by Rush Limbaugh ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/24 "2007-06-25T14:33:32Z")
Necrophilia for Dummies Pedophilia for Dummies The Straight Dope for Dummies (or is that called The Pit?) ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Klutz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captain_klutz/32/4993_2.png) [@Captain\_Klutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Klutz)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/25 "2007-06-25T14:36:26Z")
[QUOTE=Helena] My husband and I were amusing ourselves in a grocery store checkout line once and came up with _Ventriloquism for Dummies, Dressmaking for Dummies_, and _Crash-Testing for Dummies_. [/QUOTE] You can add _Declarer Play for Dummies_. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/26 "2007-06-25T14:53:27Z")
Please, anybody who remembers the thread or some keywords in it, help locate the older thread like this one where unlikely children’s book titles were explored. I seem to recall just the gist of the thread and the Key Word Searches I have tried have all failed to resurrect it. As I recall, though, it was hilarious, too. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/27 "2007-06-25T15:20:46Z")
[QUOTE=Siam Sam] _Bomb Disposal Made Easy_ [/QUOTE] Hell, why not: Chapter One: Kicking It Chapter Two: Whaling On It With A Hammer Chapter Three: Repeatedly Running It Over Chapter Four: Whipping It At Some Guy’s Head etc…etc… ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/28 "2007-06-25T15:25:17Z")
_All those Urban Legends are True: How we Rigged Mythbusters_ by Jamie Hyneman ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/29 "2007-06-25T15:48:12Z")
I’ve always wanted to see this CD title, but suspect I never will: _No News is Good News_, the Huey Lewis solo album. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/30 "2007-06-25T15:53:37Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] The Straight Dope for Dummies (or is that called The Pit?) [/QUOTE] HEHAHAA!! You couldn’t be more right. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/31 "2007-06-25T16:29:26Z")
[QUOTE=Hung Mung] I had no idea Loompanics was closed. I got my now-battered copy of the Principia Discordia through them. Shame, that. [/QUOTE] Wow, quel dommage. I got my copy of _How to Start Your Own Country_ from them, based on Cecil’s recommendation. **That** was a day! ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/32 "2007-06-25T16:38:31Z")
[QUOTE=BobLibDem] _Things I Wouldn’t Do_ by Paris Hilton [/QUOTE] _ahem_ The OP asked for _book_ titles, not _pamphlet_ titles. 😉 What I’d like to see: _Why I Keep Running_ by Ralph Nader (Foreword by George W. Bush) _The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Complete Idiots_ by Karl Rove ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/33 "2007-06-25T17:08:40Z")
•_Post-Nuclear Bombing Assessment Report, (CENTCOM) Vol. 3: “Safe Houses, Bunkers, and ‘Sanctuary Zones’”_ •_Neon Genesis Evangelion: Alternate Ending that Doesn’t Make Reader want to Commit Hara-Kiri with a Thermal Lance._ (Part of the _Manga for People with Low Serotonin Levels_ series) •Marvel’s collected _Civil War_, written by Kornbluth and Heinlein. •_Begginer’s Guide to Androids, part 1: “So, you want to build a henchman…”_ •_The Complete Guide to L/G/B/T Characters in American Animation (Vol. 2: Disney through Klasky-Csupo_ ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/34 "2007-06-25T17:16:43Z")
Brittany Spears tell you about internodality in recursive Bach fugues FML ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/35 "2007-06-25T17:19:59Z")
Britney Spears & Paris Hilton: _The Buddha Within_ ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/36 "2007-06-25T21:35:54Z")
[QUOTE=BobLibDem\*Me and 'Roids Broke Aaron’s Record by Bobby Bonds[/QUOTE] If you mean the guy who currently has 749 homers, his name is Barry Bonds. Bobby Bonds, his father, had “only” 332 round-trippers by comparison. As far as I know, Bobby was never suspected of using steroids. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/37 "2007-06-25T22:14:52Z")
_If I Did It_ by Barry Bonds ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/38 "2007-06-25T22:47:53Z")
Just thought of a couple more. _When I did it_–Brittany Spears That would be the \*\*sequel \*\*to When I did it again–the autobiography of Brittany Spears _The idiot’s guide to understanding Paris Hilton_ Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/39 "2007-06-25T23:42:07Z")
_Do-It-Yourself Piracy_ _Ninjitsu Made Easy_ _How I Did It_ by Victor Frankenstein (“That’s Fron-ken-steen”.) ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178/40 "2007-07-03T17:41:12Z")
[QUOTE=Zeldar] Please, anybody who remembers the thread or some keywords in it, help locate the older thread like this one where unlikely children’s book titles were explored. I seem to recall just the gist of the thread and the Key Word Searches I have tried have all failed to resurrect it. As I recall, though, it was hilarious, too. [/QUOTE] It finally occurred to me to try a Google for some of those keywords I thought I remembered and I got any number of hits. The one at [this site](http://forum.catchride.com/index.php?showtopic=34989) seemed to have quite a few of the ones I remembered, including: > [@](#): > > 1. You Are Different and That’s Bad > 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables > 3. Dad’s New Wife Robert > 4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share > 5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book > 6. The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking > 7. Julie Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her > 8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence > 9. All Cats Go to Hell > 10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched > 11. Some Kittens Can Fly > 12. That’s it, I’m Putting You Up for Adoption > 13. Grandpa Gets a Casket > 14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator > 15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia > 16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy > 17. Strangers Have the Best Candy > 18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way > 19. You Were an Accident > 20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will > 21. Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games > 22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan > 23. Your Nightmares Are Real > 24. Mamma’s on crack and I don’t care > 25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School > 26. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? > 27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things > 28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-book-titles-will-you-never-see-but-would-like-to/409178.md?page=3)