Well, more likely than not a 3rd grader is not going to pull a knife. If your kid knows that he can fight back in 3rd grade then he’ll fight back then and be less likely to be picked on when he is 12-18 and it can be dangerous. Part of the problem is our culture is being raised NOT to be violent. That violence in and of itself is a bad thing. However everything is gained by violence. The very act of eating for your own preservation is violent. It’s a silly idea to say that violence is evil. We are predators by nature and denying that nature is not productive. Guiding it so that we realize that other humans are not our prey is a much more effective agenda.
We’re often given advice as to how to prevent certain things from happening to us. The police advise us to keep some light on around the house at night and to plant some hedges in front of windows to discourage burglars. And yet we don’t say homeowners who fail to follow this advice are at blame when they are burgled.
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I don’t think people are picked on simply for being different. At least not habitually picked on. I saw some people in middle school and high school who certainly didn’t comform to anyone’s norm and managed not to get picked on.
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They should at least examine why the bullies single out their child. And I agree that being bullied is never ok.
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Well if you don’t expect parents to respond well to their children I don’t know what you expect anyone else to do.
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Well, kids are kids and we generally don’t hold them to the same level of responsibility that we do adults. I’m not saying we shouldn’t treat these problems seriously though.
I’m short – 5’2", or 155 cm tall, and female. I’ve got brothers and I’m pretty tough, but taking out a kid who’s 6 feet/2 m tall is not going to be all that easy (please adjust proportions for age). My friend was a similar height and physically weak and was not capable of getting in one good punch. I would fight back physically, but it was not 100% effective and I knew I could not do anything that time in high school when someone pulled a knife on me. Also, there were other forms of bullying, including coming back to a room where I’d left my things during theater practice and finding my books had been painted together. I am by no means a pacifist, but just fighting back isn’t the answer, although it may be part of it.
Oh, MGibson, you said
I regret to say that my experience was different. My friend was not cruel, or even unkind, but she was small, weak, different, and had a speech impediment. She was working to correct the speech impediment, but the rest were things she could not change.. I will never believe that she deserved to get picked on for these things. Nor does any other human being. BTW, today is her birthday. I’m pleased to say her adult years are a lot happier than her childhood ones.
CJ
“We could be be standin’ at the top of the world
Instead of sinkin’ further down in the mud!”
I agree with you, but in the context of my post “out of control” means that the bullying has reached its climax and somebody is going to get hurt or even killed.
I had my share of bullies when I was a kid. The last one was in 8th grade. He tried to pick a fight with me so I kicked his ass. It got us both in alot of trouble and I hurt my hand, but nobody ever picked on me again. I wish I had told somebody earlier, though, because he and his friends made my life a living hell for two months.
No, peer court should not be an elected position. Have the bully and victim meet with an impartial mediator who does not know either of the people. They can come to an agreement on how to stop the bullying or report it to the principal or somebody.
Do they have to get caught? Shouldn’t a complaint be enough to seperate the students? Maybe they can move to a different class or something. If worse comes to worse just LEAVE. Walk out the door. Moan and whine until something is done about the problem. Don’t just sit there and take it.
I think most places are like this. And in most places, there are bullies and outcasts. People never change. The best we can do is work with what we have.
Lets not be so melodramatic. Every altercation does not turn into a gun or knife fight. This strikes my as the opinion of someone who has led a very sheltered life and is basing thie opinion on a few sensational news stories and movies like Boyz in The Hood. So whats your alternative? Just sit there and take a beating every day? Look, the world is a dangerous place. Just because you live in a nice area does not mean that you have a magic shield that protects you from confrontation.
Student courts, whether elected or not, are a joke. The simple reason is that they can’t enforce their ruling.
Always good advice. If you bitch and complain about something long enough, maybe someone else will take care of your problem for you.
1)My parents instilled the belief that bullying other children ** wrong wrong wrong**. No ifs ands or buts about it. I was absolutely indoctrinated in a value system that emphasized protecting weak. It never occurred to me to torment children that were different.
At the other end of the spectrum, I was teased mercilessly by a boy in the 8th grade because I had the temerity to develop breasts before the rest of the girls. Although there was no physical bullying involved, I dreaded walking down the halls. The little twit would follow me chanting “Achoo- I’m allergic to foam rubber” and all his nasty cronies would break into gales of laughter. I distinctly remember fleeing a classroom because the teacher was late and he was being particularly nasty. I do not recall my teachers doing a blessed thing to rectify the situation.
As other posters have suggested, I think that parents must take responsibility for teaching their children that bullying is an abomination. School administrators and teachers need to address the problem by both emphasizing that bullies are despicable and that there will be swift retribution should someone be caught bullying another child.
When I transfered into the public school system I was bullied every day. Peer Mediation is a joke. Peer court is also a joke- In my home town it was always all their friends on the council so nothing ever got done aside of an apology and they all went out and partied. Those years were the worst years of my life. I am not condoning what kids like at columbine did, but I can honestly see how it happens. There was this girl at school, she was nice, but didn’t dress right to be cool. the In crowd went out of their way to pick at her, pull her hair, push her down. SHe complained, but nothing ever got done. They insulted her in the worst ways. girls would steal her clothing in the gym room. There was a rumor that she said she was going to come to school one day with a gun, our local police office heard about it. The only reason I knew was because my dad was a friend of an officer. The teachers all pulled their kids from school, but for the most part no one else knew(which is a pit thread in itself) She came to school with a hunting gun, looked at a group of cheerleaders. SHe burst into tears and then went into the field next to the school and shot herself in the head. That was one of the lowest days I have ever had. If when she complained, the school would have stepped in, would she be here now? i would like to think so. I am not sure what the answer is but I hope we find one so we can stop senseless tragedies.
This is exactly why parents and teachers should NOT tell the kids to just “Don’t let them bother you” – as though that were the solution to all their bullying woes. Words are powerful, and if you think they can never hurt you, you are mistaken.
Through the years, I have been totally disgusted at the way adults continually blame the victims when they are bullied. I once spent several years with a family wherein some kids would mercilessly tease their younger cousins. When the younger kids complained, their parents, uncles and aunts just said “Oh, be a good sport. Then it won’t hurt so much.” I don’t ever recall them telling the older cousins to shut up.
Are they? We never had peer court at any of the schools I went to. I thought it was a good suggestion. They should have adult oversight, of course, and if an agreement can’t be reached, the principal needs to be notified.
If you are 11 years old and getting the crap kicked out of you on a daily basis, yes. Normal laws and consequences don’t apply to middle-school kids. If you are forced to go to school and associate with your worst enemy every day, it is the school’s job (and also in their best interests) to make sure you are safe.
Don’t punch: scratch, kick, and above all, bite. Trust me on this, it works wonders.
Anecdote: I arranged a fight between me and one of my friends, who’s a black belt in tae kwan do, I believe(not sure what martial art). We set a deliniated area, and stated that the first one to be forced out of the area lost. The blow-by-blow: I swung at him, he put me in an arm-lock without any effort, I bit his arm, he stepped out of the area and declared me winner. Try it!
**Yeah and maybe someone might accidently get their nose bone punched into their brain. Whatever. **
Right. This action would result in the punch thrower being charged with assault. Confrontation will occur and yes, students need to be given a variety of strategies that could be used. Fighting should not be one of them.
Here’s the problem. You cannot change other people. You cannot change the school system or the social climate in any timeframe that’s meaningful for your kid. You can only teach your kid how to stand up for himself and hope that he grows up tough enough that bullies don’t think he’s an easy target.
You are right. Changing school climate takes time. Most worthwhile solutions to complex problems do take time. I did not mean to imply that teachers could “change” students. What we should do is emphasize the importance and value of learning to respect others and celebrate diversity. By emphasizing these concepts, some students will choose to change themselves.
In dealing with a child / student that is being pushed around or abused in any way, I would: a) listen closely b) advise c) report
d) investigate what actions were being taken by the school. If I had a child that was being victimized in different settings by different people I would make a huge effort to provide opportunities for this child to have positive social experiences in a closely supervised setting… team sports, dance classes, girl or boy scouts, gymnastics, story-time etc. If they do not enjoy and look forward to these activities or others, I would get professional help with this problem. I think close supervision is extremely important. I don’t view victims as being mentally weak. Intelligence does not predict success in social experience…or anywhere else for that matter. Also…if my child was a bully, I would take all of these steps as well.
First thing to do is find out the witnesses, ask them to write down what you saw. Then send a letter to the principal and say, so and so is bullying my kid (or me) and I want it to stop. Can we have a meeting about it? Meet. If the principal admits in any way that they know it goes on, write a nice little letter confirming that the admission was made and you are glad that this will all stop now.
If it doesn’t stop, sue. Sue the bully, sue the teacher, sue the principal, sue the school district. Assault and battery is illegal, so is harassment.