# What can I do about this? (Older man hitting on my child!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 13, 2010, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330 "2010-03-13T05:31:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/41 "2010-03-13T15:57:42Z")
> [@Sidney Evgeni Jordan](#): > > I would be concerned about letting your daughter know right away that you are contacting the police/FBI because you have to assume that she has his phone number from his facebook page, and she might call him from a friend’s phone to give him advance warning that the cops are coming to get him. If she warns him, he could get rid of any evidence that he’s done this kind of thing before with other girls. This is what I meant about burning your intel. Talking to your daughter before talking to the FBI may (as you observed) result in your being locked out of your stream, and as **SEJ** posted, may allow Predator to destroy evidence. Call the FBI now. They’re open on Saturdays. ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/42 "2010-03-13T16:00:29Z")
I don’t think you’re overreacting, and I don’t think you should feel that this is unimportant. This guy clearly sees nothing wrong with hitting on a 13 year old and making plans to get a hotel room with her. That’s not exactly nothing, even without the added jail-time issues. There will be non-emergency numbers to contact the relevant police forces, and if the FBI have an interest in this, so much the better; call them too. The worst that will happen in that case is that some people you’ve never met think you’re a bit over-protective. But I bet they don’t think that - people tend to take a very dim view of 24 year olds who groom 13 year olds for sex. And “the worst that could happen” if you don’t call the police is, well, quite a lot worse, I think. So I’d ring - and I’d do it while she’s away this weekend, so she doesn’t overhear your side of what is likely to be quite a long series of conversations with police in various places. ---
**Author:** ![flyboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@flyboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flyboy)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/43 "2010-03-13T16:01:42Z")
As the father of a 13-year girl old with a facebook account, I’ll be watching this thread and hope you a) report this to police and/or FBI, and b) keep us updated as to what happens. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/44 "2010-03-13T16:18:29Z")
Good God, call the FBI already! ---
**Author:** ![fubbleskag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fubbleskag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fubbleskag)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/45 "2010-03-13T16:25:42Z")
> [@nikonikosuru](#): > > After all this, why are you still allowing her to have a FB or myspace? My younger sister did something that doesn’t even come close to this, but my dad still forced her to delete her accounts. She was mad, but did. Didn’t scar her for life or make her permanently hate my dad or anything. This. A thousand times, this. If it were me (full disclosure: I am not a parent), I would take away the computer privileges as well - let her use the school library or computer lab for homework (which I would expect are locked down to disallow sites like FB/MS/etc). ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/46 "2010-03-13T16:35:44Z")
I’ll join the chorus. You absolutely need to alert the authorities to this. I’d bet you 1000 to 1 that your daughter isn’t the only child he’s pursuing. If she’s alluded to any of her psychiatric troubles on her FB page, that’s probably what drew him to her. It sounds like he’s pretty savvy about the type of child to target, and I would be completely unsurprised if he’s convinced other vulnerable girls to meet up with him. You may have the evidence that helps to stop a child molester. Call the authorities and tell them what’s going on. What’s the worst that can happen? They’ll brush you off. I can pretty much guarantee you this won’t happen. Soliciting a minor to ditch her parents while out of state is all kinds of disturbing. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/47 "2010-03-13T16:39:43Z")
The FBI has a division that handles [child exploitation](http://www.fbi.gov/innocent.htm) exclusively. They are there to help you and are well versed in this kind of situation. Please contact them. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/48 "2010-03-13T16:46:12Z")
> [@MitzeKatze](#): > > Do y’all really think the FBI is the way to go at this point? I know that he has crossed some lines already, but on the flip side of that I don’t want to take away any resources or time from a bigger criminal or more important investigation. That’s their call. They will decide whether to pursue it or not. Call them. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/49 "2010-03-13T16:49:58Z")
**CALL THE FBI** I know I’ve said this twice already, and several others have as well. I’m saying it again because I think you should call the FBI instead of your local, or his local, police. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/50 "2010-03-13T16:55:50Z")
So did you call the FBI already? ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/51 "2010-03-13T17:19:37Z")
Just adding to the chorus of: stop dicking around and dithering and call the appropriate authorities! Eesh. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/52 "2010-03-13T17:34:19Z")
We had a very similar case here not too long ago. 15 year old girl met the love of her life on the computer and ran away from home to meet him. Not for a getting to know you date, he was in his late 20’s and they were caught in the act at a motel. He is now sitting in jail and she - I don’t know, sent back to her poor parents. The jailbait and predator both planned this for months. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/53 "2010-03-13T17:51:19Z")
I can’t see any sense in dickering around. Call some fucking authorities. None of the rest matters. Her feelings don’t matter. Your responsibility is to physically protect her, first and foremost. If it was my kid, I’d have put a stop to this shit a long time ago, starting by telling this prick myslf that if he ever posted a word to my kid again, I’d be calling the FBI, the cops in his area, his parole officer and anybody else I could think of. Actually, I’d probably tell him I was calling them anyway. You can’t mess around with stuff like this. You have to be the adult here, and stop worrying about tying to be her BFF. You also need to have a long talk with her about this shit. I’d probably consider taking the computer away from her. I only have one kid old enough to go online, but when she does, she has to do it right out in the open where we can see exactly what she’s doing and who she’s talking to. No laptops in her room or anything. You should consider that. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/54 "2010-03-13T17:58:18Z")
I’m not sure if I’ll be heard over the din, but I’m **IN** information security. Rule zero in any investigation: If you encounter anything that looks like child porn or sexual activity where a minor is involved, you are to step away from the evidence and call the authorities. Talk to the FBI, there _is_ no debate, there _is_ no consideration. If you do not take the appropriate steps, you are assisting this schmuck commit a crime. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/55 "2010-03-13T18:18:15Z")
You are aware, or you should be, that this guy almost certainly knows where you and your family live. If you do not involve the authorities the safety of the other members of your family could be at risk too if the whole issue goes south and he decides to come visit her. Not really something that you should be trying to handle by yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/56 "2010-03-13T18:34:58Z")
You know… while calling his parole officer might be of some help I’m very much put off by all of the comments of “call the police”… look he’s (predator) not breaking into your back door. Unless dude’s bought a ticket to your town… and she’s on the way… In a sense several things have to happen down a road before your local policeman becomes involved… While i support Dateline’s “To catch a predator”… and Local and FBI attempts to bring out the predators in society… i have to wonder… why is all the heavy lifting shifted over to law enforcement… and also… say predator has violated his parole… and is sent back… are their not another 20 something yr old guy who gets his jollies off of young women on FB?? Or hell Myspace… or probably here… RIGHT here on this message board. The Numbers ie the odds would say that is so… Not to get all “lift yourselves by your bootstraps” or Booker T Washington… but obviously this girl has issues as OP originally noted. ALso it seems to me that she is not capable of responsibly handling the internet and needs to have her computer removed. The police shouldn’t be looked at as a convenient GOTO source. Their was a time and place when people exhausted their abilities before going outside of themselves… ---
**Author:** ![Butterscotch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Butterscotch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Butterscotch)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/57 "2010-03-13T18:36:51Z")
Just joining in with the chorus of “Call the authorities.” Please do it now before it may be too late. Are you absolutely sure she is with her bio-mom? ---
**Author:** ![Butterscotch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Butterscotch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Butterscotch)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/58 "2010-03-13T18:43:20Z")
Sorry for the double post, I missed the edit window: **Chicagojeff** : I agree her computer privileges should be revoked but that does not necessarily make the problem go away as it only means the computer at home is out of bounds, I’m sure her friends all have them. He may not be at the door with an axe in his hand, but he is a 24 year old man soliciting a child he knows to be 13 years old. That in itself is illegal, and she may not be the only one he is contacting. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/59 "2010-03-13T18:46:08Z")
> [@Chicagojeff](#): > > You know.. while calling his parole officer might be of some help I’m very much put off by all of the comments of “call the police”.. look he’s (predator) not breaking into your back door. Unless dude’s bought a ticket to your town.. and she’s on the way.. In a sense several things have to happen down a road before your local policeman becomes involved.. While overall I would normally agree with your sentiment, I think in this case, there’s a greater responsibility here of knowing there is someone preying on young, vulnerable teenagers. He may not yet be physically close to this girl or the family, but that doesn’t mean he’s not physically close to _someone_ and _their_ family. And he likely has all of this girl’s, and thus her family’s, personal information. Yes, it could be just some guy getting his rocks off, but it could also be a lot more dangerous than that. It’s not up to the family to determine that, it’s up to the professionals who know how to handle it without forcing this guy into hiding where he can just go and do it again under some other assumed name. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/60 "2010-03-13T18:46:23Z")
**Chicagojeff** the issue isn’t in having the authorities to the heavy lifting, it’s that the parents don’t know the law, the authorities do. The alsohave context. The FBI, specifically, has jurisdiction in interstate issues. It may well be that this guy is under investigation \* or should be\*, the only folks that can make that determination are the Feds. That is in addition to the behavioral considerations dealing with the daughter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330.md?page=4)