# What can I do about this? (Older man hitting on my child!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 13, 2010, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330 "2010-03-13T05:31:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/61 "2010-03-13T18:49:08Z")
> [@Chicagojeff](#): > > why is all the heavy lifting shifted over to law enforcement.. and also.. say predator has violated his parole.. and is sent back.. are their not another 20 something yr old guy who gets his jollies off of young women on FB?? Or hell Myspace.. or probably here.. RIGHT here on this message board. The Numbers ie the odds would say that is so.. First: ‘There’; not ‘their’. (Sorry.) Because it’s their job. We are supposedly a nation of laws. What you seem to be suggesting is for the OP to take care of the issue outside of the law; not necessarily vigilanteism, but by confronting the Predator and making him go away. But Predator is violating the law. Should we let people violate the law, as long as our own personal situations are resolved? Would you not care if there is a robber in your neighbourhood, as long as he doesn’t rob you? If Predator cannot get to the OP’s daughter, what’s to keep him from targeting someone else’s? He needs to be locked up. The FBI has the resources and experience to handle the situation. Supporting their efforts is one of the reasons we pay taxes. We should use the resources we pay for. In this situation, the FBI are the ones best suited to the task. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/62 "2010-03-13T18:59:35Z")
Look Mom, this pig is going to be doing this to underage girls the rest of his sorry life. Best he get a record for it now to minimize the damage he does to lots of girls, not just yours. He’s a pervert. The FBI is the appropriate authority because he is conspiring to violate the Mann Act (yes, ha, ha) and it won’t hurt to also call the local PD after the FBI and then his parole officer. Then you need to explain to Miss Jailbait that you have done this and that she is not to go around tempting older men. If she needs to be a slut, she should find someone her own age. Boys will hit that, whatever it is. Better a reputation than winding up a slave in a dungeon or dead in a ditch. Finally, Dad should stay out of it. Threatening to break this motherfucker’s legs is also a crime. You have a responsibility here. If you were a school teacher your dithering for even a few days over this online flirting would get you fired for failure to report and possibly a criminal charge. Stop screwing around. Report! ---
**Author:** ![pudytat72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@pudytat72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pudytat72)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/63 "2010-03-13T19:09:01Z")
> [@MitzeKatze](#): > > Her mother thinks such antics are cute and has encouraged her to set her sights on “older men”- hopefully not the 20s just yet, but I know she has asked why she isn’t dating high school boys yet (she also bought her push up bras and thongs when she turned 11 because Mom thought she should start dressing sexier- so that’s what we are up against). What are the chances that bio-mom will set her daughter up with this guy so that she can get some “experience” with an “older man”? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/64 "2010-03-13T19:12:02Z")
FBI Then to your daughter. No internet for you! One year! ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/65 "2010-03-13T19:38:17Z")
Contact the FBI and let them direct you. If it isn’t their jurisdiction yet, they’ll help you to find the right people to contact. I’d also talk to her therapist and get advice from her. She’s probably unaware of what’s going on, and this is something she needs to know about. StG ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/66 "2010-03-13T19:47:54Z")
Start with [CyberAngels](http://www.cyberangels.org/parents/predators.html) for more information. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/67 "2010-03-13T20:48:21Z")
Why don’t you sit down with your kid and ask her? Calling the cops and FBI and other suggestions are valid but not at this point. First of all this is the Internet. You don’t KONW this guy is over 18. He could be a kid in her class pretending to be older to get some stuff to hold over your daughter’s head. Ask your daughter about this. This is an ideal time to sit down and discuss in a NON CONFRONTATIONAL way about the situation. If he is a creep you’ll find out in five seconds. If he is over 18 and your daughter is giving him encouragement of any kind, you need to discuss this. If she is doing it online, and you stop it, there’s nothing to prevent her from doing it in real life. I once worked in a big brothers type program and there was a young man 16, who put his profile on a gay barebacking site. I asked him what on Earth he thought he was doing. He said, his father checks out his computer and doesn’t think he is aware. His attitude was, “If my father is gonna sneak around and look at my computer, I’ll give him something to worry about.” This kid had no intention of anything but making his father mad. You need to stop playing guessing games and sit down and talk to your child. Do this in a non-confrontational way. The goal here is to TEACH her about people (of all ages) taking advantage of her. It isn’t to scare or punish her. That will only pull her away from you. As your child ages you have to give up control little by little. You can’t possibly watch her 24/7 so this is an excellent opportunity to sit her down and educate her on why it’s wrong and how she should be aware of her Facebook and other accounts and teach HER how to take appropriate action in a case like this. Then TOGETHER you and your child can clean this mess up ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/68 "2010-03-13T21:01:20Z")
I would NOT recommend deleting her Facebook account. The FBI may wish to use it to keep in touch with Mr. Predator and track him down. Spook him, and he’ll just delete his account and create a new one. As **Unintentionally Blank** said, step away from the evidence. They may be able to use it to nail this guy. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/69 "2010-03-13T21:03:30Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > First of all this is the Internet. You don’t KONW this guy is over 18. He could be a kid in her class pretending to be older to get some stuff to hold over your daughter’s head. You missed this part of the OP (bolding mine): > [@](#): > > Predator went on to tell my older daughter about how he just got out of jail (was in for 32 days) for making death threats against his own parents. She was of course reading their conversation to me as she went along, and I was running my own searches to verify what he was saying, because I desperately wanted him to be lying and turn out to be some 14 year old boy trying to impress my gullible daughter. But no such luck. **I found court records and a previous incarceration that match what he was telling her.(He served time for drug charges too.)** ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/70 "2010-03-13T21:14:50Z")
Have you spoken to your child’s therapist about this? You are concerned about correctly handling her emotional reaction (and I think rightly so, given she’s actually been in a psych hospital recently), and I would think that her therapist would be a good resource for helping you handle this. Of course, the therapist is also a mandatory reporter, so I am certain that it will be reported to the authorities if you talk to him/her. I have no idea what her current psychological issues are; it’s even possible that the therapist would want to preemptively re-hospitalize her before doing “something big” like this. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/71 "2010-03-13T21:21:32Z")
> [@MitzeKatze](#): > > That is part of why I am hesitant about calling the police. This is the internets and there’s tons of stuff, so would this be piddly in comparison since technically as far as I can tell no laws have been broken (maybe just nicked a bit)? I really don’t want to be told to go away and quit being a paranoid, overprotective Mom. But at the same time I usually am paranoid and over protective, but I don’t think I am being that this time… It ain’t piddly. It’s serious. You are doing your job as a mom; you’re not being paranoid or overprotective. And if you are, so what? Far, far, far better to err on the side of caution. Go visit [Perverted Justice](http://www.perverted-justice.com/) and read some of those dialogs. They will curl your toenails. Then pick up the phone and call your local PD or Sheriff’s Office and talk to someone about this jerk. He needs to be rolled up, pretty damn quick. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/72 "2010-03-13T21:37:30Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Do this: Find out everything you can about this prick. His name, where he lives, his phone number, where he works/goes to school, his parole officer’s name, names of family members, what time of day he has a bowel movement, etc.. Shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish (well, the BM might be tricky). > > Once you have this, enlist your husband to call him. If hubby can’t sound scary, fine someone who can. Then have scary-man call him late at night and have this conversation: > > “Listen up, George William Predator. You live at 339 Oak Street, that white house third from the corner, right? Three blocks from where you sell Slurpees at the 7-11? Well, my name is Manfred Mann and I’m Clarabelle’s father, you know, from Facebook. Here is the deal: If you ever have any sort of contact with her again, in _any_ way, I’m going to come over to Oak Street and grab your balls with both hands and remove them from your body. Then I’m going to shove them down your throat. This is the only warning you will get.” (click) > > He’ll probably crap his pants on the spot. And I seriously doubt he’ll consider contacting your daughter again. Sadly, there are plenty of other girls he can chase, and I’m sure he’ll be able to fall in love all over again. > > My advice should be considered supplemental to contacting the authorities, not instead of. > > Also, I’m not recommending actually grabbing his 'nads; just planting the idea in his brain. > > Best of luck. Be sure to use call block on whatever phone you might use to contact him - \*67 in my region. > [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > […]Finally, Dad should stay out of it. Threatening to break this motherfucker’s legs is also a crime.[…] Not a crime if you threaten what you will do IF he commits some crime, AFAIK. ---
**Author:** ![MitzeKatze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@MitzeKatze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MitzeKatze)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/73 "2010-03-13T21:51:08Z")
Wow…the overwhelming responses. Thanks everyone! I was up until after 5 which means I slept until afternoon today so I am just now able to get back here. So much is happening so quickly! I really do appreciate everyone’s input but can’t really respond to each post so I will try to cover everything. First, thank you all for the reassurance that I am not over reacting. I do tend to fly off the handle over little things, so my own judgment is impaired about that. Before I came here I had convinced myself that his guy was just a kid and that he was lying to impress some other kid he met on FB. But I am not a newbie when it comes to internet searching and “snooping” so I checked everything out before I went nuts over it. Everything that he has said checks out- right up to his birthday and phone number that was posted on his FB page. So I do now know where he is and such (I have an address from his arrest records but no way of knowing if it is still where he is staying. The landline phone number he gave traces back to that address through the white pages, so it is probably is). Daughter is still at her bio-mom’s and because it is Spring Break I forgot that this is not a normal visitation weekend which means that daughter won’t be home until Tuesday night instead of Monday. That sucks, but it gives me a bit more time to get myself together before I confront her with all of this- and boy is her life about to change! I called the local authorities. The person on the phone was ho-hum about it and was a bit condescending to me, but transferred me to the department that deals with internet crimes. They took me more seriously, but it’s their spring vacation time too so instead of wanting me to give them everything right now, I have an appointment to meet with the detective on Wed. He asked me to keep monitoring and make screen captures of everything (even the benign chat) and to bring any chat logs or emails that I can get. So I am not letting my daughter know I am aware and upset about this just yet. As long as she is at her mother’s she is continuing this and in a public manner making it easy for me to monitor and gather evidence. I will take all of it and take my daughter with me on Wed. I figure that way even if nothing can be done to him, at least my daughter will know that we are taking it very seriously and we aren’t playing around. At that point I guess we will just have to see what they think or how to go from there. I am asking my older daughter to keep her facebook logged in and to chat with this guy whenever he wants to see if he says anything more or anything more incriminating before Wed. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/74 "2010-03-13T22:18:54Z")
> [@MitzeKatze](#): > > I called the local authorities. The person on the phone was ho-hum about it and was a bit condescending to me, but transferred me to the department that deals with internet crimes. They took me more seriously, but it’s their spring vacation time too so instead of wanting me to give them everything right now, I have an appointment to meet with the detective on Wed. He asked me to keep monitoring and make screen captures of everything (even the benign chat) and to bring any chat logs or emails that I can get. I do think you should call the FBI. I didn’t say it, but I suspected the local PD might not be all that enthusiastic. And Spring Break? No excuse. I assume you’re not in Texas. This will be a Federal case anyway. Please call the FBI. I’d hope that they wouldn’t be ‘ho-hum’ about it, and it really does sound like their bailiwick. At the very least, they will undoubtedly have more experience in this type of crime. Even if they tell you the same thing the local LEOs did, their input is useful. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/75 "2010-03-13T22:25:53Z")
How about you stop your daughter from using the internet to flirt with older men? Don’t let her use the internet, delete her Facebook account, contact Facebook (I’m quite sure they’d take disciplinary action against him and delete his account) about what’s going on, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/76 "2010-03-13T22:30:45Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > How about you stop your daughter from using the internet to flirt with older men? Don’t let her use the internet, delete her Facebook account, contact Facebook (I’m quite sure they’d take disciplinary action against him and delete his account) about what’s going on, etc. That wouldn’t solve the larger problem of leaving a predator out there. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/77 "2010-03-13T22:31:32Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I didn’t say it, but I suspected the local PD might not be all that enthusiastic. And Spring Break? No excuse. Yeah, I don’t get that either? Cops don’t get Spring Break. I assume you called your local PD, so I would call his now. Or even the FBI if you chose. No matter which of those you call, make sure you say, at some point “I already called \_\_\_PD, and they didn’t seem all that concerned, they told me they’d call me back on _Wednesday_, but I’m not comfortable waiting that long to deal with this since it’s actively happening now and I’d rather not wait for it to escalate.” Hopefully saying that will light a fire under someone’s ass. “Well that’s unacceptable ma’am, don’t worry, we’ll take it from here” is what I think you’d want to hear at this point. Just be careful, you don’t want to piss anyone off. I’d hate for the PD you call to think you were going over their heads. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/78 "2010-03-13T22:34:06Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Also, make sure you do a screen capture of all these conversations. The easiest way is to pull of the conversation and click “print screen” then go to MS Paint and hit paste and save that. Or at least take a physical picture of the screen. I’d make sure to copy the conversation where he said he was 24 and she was 13 as well as all those ‘yer so sexy’ comments. The reason being that, as you know, they are so easy to delete, it’ll be very helpful if you can forward that on to the police as well. Agreed 100% > [@Clothahump](#): > > Go visit [Perverted Justice](http://www.perverted-justice.com/) and read some of those dialogs. They will curl your toenails. Then pick up the phone and call your local PD or Sheriff’s Office and talk to someone about this jerk. He needs to be rolled up, pretty damn quick. Could you contact Perverted Justice and give them his name and information? Perhaps one of their people would try to catch his attention? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/79 "2010-03-13T22:36:56Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > How about you stop your daughter from using the internet to flirt with older men? Don’t let her use the internet, delete her Facebook account, contact Facebook (I’m quite sure they’d take disciplinary action against him and delete his account) about what’s going on, etc. She’s got his phone number, taking away her computer won’t stop anything at this point, they’ll just move to texting or calling. Messing with either of their FB accounts, IMHO, will make them want to take this to the next level. Maybe instead of waiting until she’s in his town, he’ll just come up to hers. With how far this has gone, I think it’s better off that she keeps her FB account, at least this way there is some sort of trail of what’s been said. Personally, I wouldn’t say anything to him or her until the cops/FBI give you the go ahead. Which will probably be after they feel they have enough evidence and contact him. My guess is that once the cops have talked to him, they’ll ask you (the OP) to talk to her about what’s going on…and I hate to say it, but there’s going to be a shitload of backlash, it’ll be years before she understands why you did it. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330/80 "2010-03-13T22:40:17Z")
Also, now that I think about WRT the screen captures, I would try to keep things out of chat if possible. Wall posts will also trigger an email being sent to the person containing the text of the wall post, so all those emails can be looked at later. OTOH, that might inadvertently drag other people in to it. But all those posts that she keeps deleting off her wall (including plenty you probably missed) are probably in her email in/read/deleted box. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-this-older-man-hitting-on-my-child/532330.md?page=5)