# What Can YOU Offer the New World? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 2, 2001, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505 "2001-03-02T15:27:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/21 "2001-03-04T13:58:40Z")
What can I offer the new world? hmmm I’m almost a CPA, so if you want to make sure you’re keeping your books right, I’m your chica. I speak a little Spanish, so the kids would be able to say things like “Me llamo Lsura” with astounding accuracy. I have an excellent knowledge of the history of medieval Europe. Want to set up a feudal system and become a noble? No problem! I do have a uterus. How useful that would be, I don’t know, since my ovaries aren’t in the best shape, but I’d certainly be willing to _try_. As long as I got to pick who gets to make the attempt to impregnate me. 😉 And, on the off chance that I did manage to bear children, do you want to go without the genes for curly red hair in the mix?? ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/22 "2001-03-04T14:07:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Czarcasm \* > \*\*I can cook. > I can diaper a baby seven different ways. One handed! > I do windows. > I do backrubs without expecting reciprication. > I listen. > \*\* Will you marry me? -L ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/23 "2001-03-04T14:30:23Z")
I have a great personality. I give a fantastic foot massage. I’ve gotten out of 7 traffic tickets (and apologised my way down to a much lesser offense on a really big one). I suffer fools gladly (but not idiots). I have survived my own cooking (so far). ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/24 "2001-03-04T15:11:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by screech-owl \* > \*\*I have a great personality. > I give a fantastic foot massage. > I’ve gotten out of 7 traffic tickets (and apologised my way down to a much lesser offense on a really big one). > I suffer fools gladly (but not idiots). > I have survived my own cooking (so far). \*\* Seriously…where ARE all you guys when I’m looking for a date. Hell with that whole “surviving destruction of the planet” thing. I just want to see a damn movie. I think this whole “justify your existance” thing was a ruse. -L ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/25 "2001-03-04T23:40:42Z")
OK…marine biologist by training checking in. I can make sure no sea monsters kill the colonists…and I now work in computing, so I can keep the ship’s computers running or reprogram them if there’s any problems… Plus: first aid (inc oxygen administration), scuba & climbing/mountaineering skills can start a fire with kindling & matches…no silly firelighters for me! good general physics/chemistry knowledge story telling (good memory for existing books & also new ones) plays guitar (badly…oh well, the firewood will be useful ;)) … so many skills, I ran out of room on the form… … …plus making Anthracite happy while she’s building power plants! ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/26 "2001-03-05T05:43:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by evilbeth \* > \*\*Since I have been dubbed (by **Fairy Princess Kitty** and **Lizard** respectively) _“Official Dark Overlord of Blow Jobs, Sexual Advice, and All Things That Embarass Male Dopers While At Work.”_ and _“Most Knowledgeable About Oral Sex”_, can I get a spot in the entertainment industry? > > We need entertainment in the new world, right?\*\* Yes. The more, the better I say. In fact, I’d go so far as to say the current world needs a little more of that kind of entertainment. Think about it: people who recieve oral sex are usually a lot more relaxed. That really would make the world a better place. Enough of it and we wouldn’t have to leave at all. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/27 "2001-03-05T08:32:31Z")
With all due respect to the Master, I can change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly…and quote extensively from the notebooks of Lazarus Long. I can also build shelters, start fires in a number of different ways, hunt, grow crops, set traps, make armor and weapons, craft musical instruments, brew alcoholic beverages, provide spiritual guidance, tolerate environmental extremes (I make a _great_ bed-warmer 😉 ), provide unsolicited foot massages, and sound like Sean Connery on demand. (I scare myself sometimes. Believe it or not, I’ve actually done all but about four of these things–I’ll let you guess which ones–and I know how to do those in theory.) If there’s any chance that **evilbeth** isn’t going to get in, I’ll chip in some of my skills to cover her. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/28 "2001-03-05T08:42:09Z")
Isn’t that sweet! ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/29 "2001-03-06T04:33:44Z")
Me, I’m Mr Outdoors. Well, not really, I’m still Mnementh, but you know what I mean. I’m the kind of guy who can survive indefinetly in the wild with nothing more than a few of my trusty knives. (yeah, I’d be naked. _shakes it_) So, if we’re going to someplace without civilization, I can hunt, build shelters, take care of wounds, fight like a gorilla with steriod induced rabies, and I have a better sense of direction than most compasses I know. And I’d be naked. I’m pretty sure that alone gets me on board 😃 In addition, I have to say, **Veb** , that that quote about tree moss almost made me cough up a lung laughing. I’m just glad I wasnt drinking at the time. You are now really, really cool in my eyes. You lucky thing you. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/30 "2001-03-06T04:54:23Z")
Wait, **Mnementh** , aren’t you going to point out that you can defend us from ravening alien spores that periodically rain down from space? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/31 "2001-03-06T05:08:06Z")
If needed, yes. 😃 But in that case you’ll all have to raise cattle for my appetites. ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/32 "2001-03-06T05:55:36Z")
Well, I’ve got computer skills, but those might not be helpful. I’ve got assorted survival skills (Eagle Scout, Class of '98!), including starting fires with only wood and a match and cooking meals over those same fires. I can build shelters (temporary and permanent), and I can find food. Plus, I’m cute, smart, funny, and compassionate. 😉 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Tequila Mockingbird_ > \*\* hmmm, I hear I am a decent lay… \*\* > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by SexyWriter_ **Seriously…where ARE all you guys when I’m looking for a date. … I just want to see a damn movie.** So, Tequila, Sexy, how _you_ ladies doin’ ? 😃 > [@](#): > > \*\* _nolite bastardes te carbonundrum_ or whatever. \*\* I think that’s usually reproduced as _nolite illegitimi carborundum_. So, oh yeah, I can speak Latin (and other languages!) too. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/33 "2001-03-06T06:03:26Z")
I can: start an IV without bruising your entire arm…make playdoh out of flour, salt and Koolaid…recite The Walrus and the Carpenter…draw funny pictures of monkeys…make tortillas from scratch…and other less spectacular and impressive things. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/34 "2001-03-06T06:12:15Z")
I can’t have kids, so that’s out. I am a fair-to-middlin’ cook and a lousy housekeeper. All I have to offer is my encyclopedic knowledge of trivia. Robin ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505/35 "2001-03-06T12:36:25Z")
Well, I can… Speak seven languages to varying degrees of fluency cook, bake, make my own candy, seasonings, vinegar (all in field conditions to boot) navigate by the stars in both hemispheres identify edible plants and animals (altho no mushrooms-just too risky) tie twenty kinds of knots lead a troop of highschool kids into the wilderness with the clothes on their backs and bring them back alive a week later make my own wine, beer, moonshine and plastic explosives (the last two are usually not that far removed from each other) Grow crops and preserve the seeds for the next planting field medicine and rudimentary nursing give excellent full-body massages without reciprocation pick most locks if it has a trigger, I can make it shoot and field strip it AAANNNDDD… I can crack a rat with my hands (making that squeaky fart sound. My wife says it’s not a superpower. I disagree. Oh, and I’m also a minister, so I could make the wine sacramental and give misguided but well-meaning advice. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-can-you-offer-the-new-world/56505.md?page=1)