I can whistle, do all kinds of thing with my tongue (like Smashed Ice Cream, thread a needle on the first try, but I cannot ride a bike. I feel so much better about myself now.
Oh, and if I use my left hand to write (I’m righthanded), I write my letters backwards, like a mirror image (hah!). I find it much easier to do that than right side around letters.
I can’t touch my toes from a standing position.
I feel very mediocre now. 
I can’t decode words that are spelled out loud to me.
You can say “The c-o-o-k-i-e-s are in the k-i-t-c-h-e-n” and I wouldn’t know what you said.
I can’t process spoken directions to places either. Have to write it down to know what the guy said.
I do one-liners like lightening but I can’t tell a set-up joke.
I think that I expect too much out of those magic eye pictures which is why I can’t see them.
I can’t sit cross-legged (what they called “Inidan style” when I was a wee lad in elementary school). My left hip attempts to dislocate itself when I try for any amount of time - a very unpleasant feeling.
If it makes you feel better, I can’t either. And up until just recently, it took me about 30 seconds to read an analog clock. Still takes about 5. I also can’t type the right way, but I type pretty well in my own manner (almost all left-handed).
The say wha’ hoosie how huh? I have no idea what that is, but it sounds intriguing. Please explain.
Mirror Image: I think that most people can write backward with their off-hand easier than forward.
I can’t dance either. Everytime I try I revert to swaying to the music while trying to keep my arms from flailing about. It looks rather pathetic.
I can’t touch my toes. That is a result of messing up my knees in high school sports and not getting proper medical attention. I always thought it was because I was overweight but my BIL who weighs over 300 pounds can put his hands flat on the floor.
I can’t ice skate. But I am a very good roller skater.
I can’t stick anyone with a needle. My son was diagnosed as diabetic at 12. He would not give himself his shots. I could not give his shots. My wife and both step daughters had no problems giving him his shots. I tried to give a cat a shot a few years ago. It made her cry and she started to bleed. It made me cry.
I’m glad to see that I am not the only one who has trouble doing some things that I should have learned by now. Here’s my list:
I can’t lace up my shoes. I never mastered this task as a kid and since then I have done it so seldom that I forget each time. I was seven before I learned how to tie the damn things. How I wish they had Velcro shoes when I was as kid.
I can’t draw people. I can draw landscapes and still life, but I just cannot draw people. I can’t get the proportions right. I am especially bad with drawing faces.
I can’t put most things together, even if there are instructions provided. This is odd since I loved to play with Legos as a kid and often followed the instructions to assemble the kits that I had.
I can’t work on a car. I can’t even identify most of the parts.
I have trouble repacking something in its original box the same way it was originally packaged.
Unless it comes in a can or a box with explicit preparation instructions, forget it, I can’t cook. My disastrous experiment with a grilled-cheese sandwich further convinced me that, if it weren’t for my mother living half a mile away, I’d subsist entirely on take-out or on canned soups.
I can whistle, but I can’t do the type of whistling that involves sticking the fingers in one’s mouth (to get someone’s attention). I also can’t do the kind of whistling that involves cupping the hands before the mouth and blowing into them.
My handwriting is atrocious (I put doctors to shame). Thank God for computers.
I have trouble making the bed. I can never get the sheets straight, and most of the time I don’t even bother with it, anyway.
I can’t juggle, either.
Only recently have I gotten the hang of shuffling cards. This basic skill evaded me for most of my life.
Some of the can’t-do’s in this thread that I can do:
Trill my r’s
Roll my tongue
Snap my fingers (took me awhile to master this one)
Many of the other items already on the list are things that I have never tried or are things I am not likely to want to try.
I can’t print or write nicely and neatly, no matter how hard I try. Never could.
I can’t judge distance because I can’t see three-demensionally.
I don’t have a sense of direction.
I can’t walk fast enough to keep up with anybody.
I never came in ahead of anyone in a foot race – always last.
I can’t get the lids off most jars.
But I cannot remember a time in my life when I could not whistle! I thought it was common.
I can’t whistle, except with this tongue technique I developed, that’s different from how other people apparently whistle.
I can’t succeed at any sport that involves strapping wheels to my feet (snowboarding doesn’t bother me, maybe because snow’s softer than pavement).
I also can’t dive properly, or without plugging my nose.
Can’t carry a tune in a bucket.
I can’t adopt a uniform handwriting. If I write more than a page, it will look like it was written by 4 different people, because my handwriting shifts as my hand gets tired or whatever. I switch from printing to cursive to a combination, small letters, big letters… I’ve always wanted nice uniform handwriting, maybe I need to take a calligraphy class or something.
I want to learn so BAD how to do that “put fingers in mought and whistle loudly” trick. But I can’t even whistle, really. And believe me, I’ve tried. Sometimes, I can make this low, tuneless whistle noise, but no proper whistling. I also want to learn really, really badly how to do that really cool whistle that the Jets do to signal each other in West Side Story.
Alas and goddamn, I cannot do these things. My inability is a constant grief to me.
I also cannot ski, but then, I’ve never wanted to ski, since I hate snow.
I can’t:
-ride a bicycle
-draw any animate creature (but I do a mean tree, if I say so myself)
-tell time on an analog clock in less than 30 seconds
-push my thumb flat aginst my arm by bending my wrist. Everyone in my family can do this except me.
-open a pill bottle with the edge of my thumb
-read music
-do any form of mental math
-swordfight
I can, however, snap my fingers, curl my tongue, trill my r’s, iceskate, ride a horse, and raise only one eyebrow at a time.
Here are some instructions for the last: I had to teach myself how to do this, and it took a lot of practice. First off, don’t practice in front of a mirror. You’ll concentrate too much on how your other eyebrow is moving and screw yourself up. Decide which eyebrow you seem to have more control over- for me, it’s my left. I can raise this one independently, no problem, but not my right. (If neither of your eyebrows seem more in control, just pick the one you want to raise.) Work on it while you’re busy with something else, like reading or watching television.
Okay, now, start slowly by just trying to lift up the one eyebrow. The other one will move too at first. Practice lifting up as high as your eyebrow will go, but don’t widen your eye at the same time. Use only your, um…eyebrow muscle. You can try slightly lowering your eyelids if that helps. Now, while you’re pushing one brow up, try to push the other one down. Again, don’t move your eyelids, just the eyebrow muscle. Now, practice, practice, practice. I promise you, it will eventually happen.
Instead of heading to the mirror, ask a trusted friend or loved one (i.e., one who will neither laugh uproariously nor denigrate your efforts) to observe you. You can ask repeatedly, “Am I doing it? Am I doing it?”, although your observer may find this annoying. Here’s why you need an audience: it always looks better to someone watching you do it than when you do it in the mirror, because you know how you’re doing it and critiqueing yourself. (If that makes sense.)
I type about 90% the right way. I never took a typing class, but I had Mavis Beacon. I end up using my right hand a lot more than my left, pulling across the keyboard sometimes to hit a key that could just as easily be hit by the left. But I still manage 65-70 WPM, so I guess it can’t be all bad.
I can’t whistle with my fingers in my mouth.
I can’t “sign” my name consistantly (always different, and it’s just me writing my name).
I can’t do the rolling “r” sound.
I can’t speak Japanese but I can listen and understand 70-80% of it.
I can’t stand people who put ketchup on everything.
I can’t back a vehicle using the rear view mirrors.
Ever.
Not even once.
sigh
ride a motorcycle
whistle more than one note
not laugh when I think something’s funny
get to work on time
lie while selling something
(sometimes) understand when others don’t “get” something that seems intuitive to me.
my vanity shows here: (past tense) go out with someone who was not very physically attractive.
spell