# What childhood "upgrade" did you miss? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 1, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360 "2005-10-01T18:34:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Burnt\_Sugar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee59a6/32.png) [@Burnt\_Sugar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burnt_Sugar)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/21 "2005-10-02T04:47:26Z")
> [@brightpenny](#): > > I missed the one that taught smalltalk. I can’t give it, and getting it bores me to the point of saying something provocative in order to liven things up. I avoid mixers like the plague. Me too! Hate it. I think I missed the teenager/young adult section of my life. I’m 21 and I don’t like the taste of alcohol, and I feel ill for the next three days if I stay up all night. I enjoy talking to people (being friends with people) 10 or more years older than me rather than people my own age (except my SO!). I can’t stand superficiality. I did miss the memo that I shouldn’t still like spending hours playing with puppies. And eating all the mixture before it’s made into a cake. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/22 "2005-10-02T05:40:04Z")
I second the ones about smalltalk, coffee, and sports. The closest I’ve come is “I’m fine, and you?” a frappuccino, and a coma-like stare, respectively. But I’m only eighteen, so perhaps those three were just back-ordered. I guess you could say that starting to like girls is an upgrade that most guys got a few years back, but I don’t really want that one, so I hope they actually ran out of those. > [@BiblioCat](#): > > I must have gotten your upgrades for both of these because I can spell very well \*(triple-checking post for the obvious) \*, and I love veggies. Mushrooms and onions and peppers are delicious! > And I’m the one people come to and ask, “How do you spell … ?” I think you may have misunderstood **stepensel** regarding spelling. If you ask me how to spell something, I can usually tell you, but only if I write it down first, then read off the letters to you one at a time. Also, if you say (verbally), “Is this right? R, E, S, T, U, R, A, N, T?” I will have no idea. If you pass me a note that says “Is this right? **resturant** ” I will say almost instantly, “No, you’re missing an A.” If I understood **stepensel** right, (s)he is the same way. ---
**Author:** ![TygerDralion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e19adc/32.png) [@TygerDralion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TygerDralion)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/23 "2005-10-02T05:41:30Z")
I missed the coffee one, too. The main ones I missed were the small talk one, the oral diarrhea one, and the one about other people not wanting you to show them everything that you got at the store yesterday. They really don’t care. But, due to the missing the oral diarrhea one, I realize this AFTER I tell them! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/24 "2005-10-02T06:41:33Z")
I missed the one that makes you stop laughing at mean humor. I act sophisticated and sympathetic, but there is really nothing that makes me laugh harder than seeing a man take a softball to the groin and then fall down, writhing in pain. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/25 "2005-10-02T06:56:55Z")
I missed the upgrade that makes you enjoy alcohol. The only alcohol I can stand is alcopops, because it tastes like soda. The only difference is that soda is 10 times cheaper and doesn’t reek of alcohol. So… yeah. Can’t stand the stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/26 "2005-10-02T07:14:20Z")
> [@Linty Fresh](#): > > And I must have been left off the email list when they sent out the Remember Where Things Are After You Put Them Down service patch for guys. All the men in my family missed this one too–are you sure there is such a patch? They are always asking me, “Where’s my pen?” “Where are my socks?” “Where’s my scooter?” as if they think I am secretly using these things and hiding them. As far as female upgrades, I missed the ones where you suddenly like to cook, clean up the house, and basically nurture people, along with the one where you like to shop, meaning strolling aimlessly through an endless succession of stores fingering the merchandise. I like to buy things. but I prefer to do it in a streamlined way. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/27 "2005-10-02T11:30:41Z")
Another one who missed the “Smalltalk” upgrade (although at one point I _did_ know the computer language! :rolleyes: ) I also missed both the “figuring out what this woman thinks of you” and the “figuring out how to play the office politics game” upgrades ☹ I also (thankfully) missed the “putting a burning piece of paper in your mouth and sucking on it” :eek: upgrade (what some people call “smoking”). Now that’s one upgrade I’m _glad_ I missed! I _do_ do coffee, alcohol (in moderation) and veggies (no, _not_ the veggies you can smoke. Just the veggies you eat!) ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/28 "2005-10-02T12:11:47Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I missed the one where you take all your toys and put them up at the end of the day. I could fake it when I was a child but that was because I was coerced. That doesn’t exist now that I am an adult so I just leave books, computer things, or whatever else I am playing with and just leave it how it was for days at a time. Me too! I am terribly untidy. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/29 "2005-10-02T13:08:01Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I still refuse to make my bed. I thought maybe I’d understand the logic behind it when I grew up…but I still don’t get it. 🙂 You’re right, there is no logic behind it, unless you’re having people over and you’re giving tours of the house. I missed the upgrade that would allow me to study or spend a lot of time on subjects I’m not interested in. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/30 "2005-10-02T13:33:26Z")
I’m another one who missed the small-talk, math and office politics patches. I must have been absent that day. Maybe I should enable Live Update, because I seem to need a patch for Putting Up With People’s Bullshit. The older I get, the less well it works. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/31 "2005-10-02T13:38:39Z")
I missed the one where you can eat without getting crumbs everywhere. I really missed the one which makes you able to do things before the last minute without having people nag you about it. I also missed the one which makes your brain run in a logical fashion. The way my brain works doesn’t even make sense to me at times. And speaking of losing things, I wish I hadn’t missed the one which allows me to be able to rememeber where I left my glasses when I took them off. Fortunately I have a spare pair I can use to look for them. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/32 "2005-10-02T13:42:42Z")
Being an art student (note, ART, not artS), I think I also missed the upgrade that makes me enjoy decorating my books, shoes, walls and folders with artistic, flowery designs. I just can’t be buggered. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/33 "2005-10-02T13:47:10Z")
I got the “you’ll like coffee” upgrade way early. I’ve always liked it. On the other hand, I think I missed the “growing up” upgrade. I still laugh out out at Spongebob, Dave the Barbarian, Tick, and old Bugs Bunny cartoons. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/34 "2005-10-02T14:35:30Z")
Oh, you guys are just scvrewing around. “I missed not liking vegetables”? Everyone hates at least some vegetables. “I still like cartoons”? Gosh, that’s unusual. Not! Here’s one for you: **I can’t drink water.** Everyone else I know drinks water, but I simply can’t stand it. I find water absolutely repulsive. Now, that’s a big part of the program to miss out on. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/35 "2005-10-02T15:36:44Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Here’s one for you: **I can’t drink water.** Everyone else I know drinks water, but I simply can’t stand it. I find water absolutely repulsive. Now, that’s a big part of the program to miss out on. But … but … it’s _water_. You kinda need to, Idunno, live, and stuff. Hey, what do I know. Maybe you have a mutation that completely changes your biochemistry and your body is 80% tapioca pudding instead. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/36 "2005-10-02T16:07:37Z")
My brother missed the upgrade “Phonics”. ---
**Author:** ![ErinPuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dbc845/32.png) [@ErinPuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ErinPuff)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/37 "2005-10-02T16:36:18Z")
> [@treis](#): > > I missed the take stuff out of pots/tupperware and put it on a plate to eat it upgrade. I figure why dirty up two dishes when I can just eat out of what I cooked it in? I got that upgrade, but uninstalled it when I got to college with no dishwasher. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/38 "2005-10-02T16:41:23Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > The reason behind listening to the obvious and the tedious. Yes, it’s good manners, but I honestly (at 43) try to avoid such situations at all costs, now. > > NO-I do not want to sit thru your pics of > batMitzfah/wedding/trip to Duluth/grandchildren/Nascar event. A doper after my own heart. I don’t see the point to making one’s bed immediately after getting up. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/39 "2005-10-02T16:46:23Z")
I missed the one where you stop having giggly crushes about cute women you see all the time. Oddly, I can have normal adult relationships, so I think they’re two separate upgrades. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360/40 "2005-10-02T17:20:47Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > But … but … it’s _water_. You kinda need to, Idunno, live, and stuff. Hey, what do I know. Maybe you have a mutation that completely changes your biochemistry and your body is 80% tapioca pudding instead. All drinks are mostly water. Juice, pop, milk. I get my water by drinking those. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-childhood-upgrade-did-you-miss/324360.md?page=3)