# What Christmas standard do you not want to hear any more? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 6, 2016, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056 "2016-12-06T22:17:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2016, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/162 "2016-12-15T09:19:16Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > But… but… it’s a gift God wrapped in green. If God heard “Christmas In the Northwest”, I think He’d want to actively _distance Himself_ from being associated with creating this part of the country for fear of people blaming the song on Him. > [@panache45](#): > > I have always considered that to be the most repulsive Christmas song ever written. The kid’s mother’s on her death bed, and instead of being by her side, the kid’s off buying fuck-me pumps for mom to wear, to impress Jesus when she meets him. How fucked up is that? And you just know, after bullshitting some dumb schmuck to pay for the shoes, the kid’s out in the parking lot trading them for drugs. Perhaps [Patton Oswalt’s take on the song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq10bz3PxyY) will provide you with some Christmas cheer. ---
**Author:** ![Zeke\_N.Destroi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4af34b/32.png) [@Zeke\_N.Destroi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeke_N.Destroi)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/163 "2016-12-17T03:13:45Z")
I work in retail. The store radio is all Christmas all the time right now. But there can be no songs that even hint at religion so we are stuck with non-religious Christmas songs which pretty much means: 1. Grown-ups reinterpreting kids songs 2. Original Christmas songs. Jumping Jesus! Worst offenders: It’s a Marshmallow World (by anyone!) Worst lines “The world is red / like a pumpkin head” and “It’s a yum yummy world made for sweethearts” Jingle Bells (Barbara Streisand) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (Except the J. C. Mellencamp version because I like zydeco) Carol of the Bells - unless it is done with bells! Fucks sake it isn’t called Carol of the Piano Mele Kalikimaka - Jesus fucking wept I was once subjected to Marshmallow World 3 times back to back to back. One by some crooner fuckwad, one by some woman and one instrumental. Last week I was treated to no fewer than six (6!) renditions of I Saw Mommy… in an eight hour shift. ---
**Author:** ![NetTrekker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nettrekker/32/2909_2.png) [@NetTrekker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NetTrekker)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/164 "2016-12-17T05:49:49Z")
Winter Wonderland…stupid lyrics. “Later on, we’ll conspire…to face unafraid the plans that we made…” Nothing like a good Christmas conspiracy. Why were you making plans that you’d be afraid of in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/165 "2016-12-17T07:17:13Z")
> [@NetTrekker](#): > > Winter Wonderland…stupid lyrics. “Later on, we’ll conspire…to face unafraid the plans that we made…” Nothing like a good Christmas conspiracy. Why were you making plans that you’d be afraid of in the first place? Snowmen are also not legally authorized to marry couples. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/166 "2016-12-17T10:23:05Z")
> [@NetTrekker](#): > > Winter Wonderland…stupid lyrics. “Later on, we’ll conspire…to face unafraid the plans that we made…” Dad always changed it to “perspire” when singing that song. ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/167 "2016-12-17T17:09:10Z")
The local AM channel that turns to All Christmas Music All The Time on Thanksgiving plays Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, Holly Jolly Christmas and Jingle Horse Rock at least once an hour. Added to that is Winter Wonderland by assorted artists. Every singer seems to have the need to put out a version of Oh, Holy Night whether they have the range for it or not. Most of them are limited to the first two verses… ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/168 "2016-12-17T18:25:42Z")
8& > [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](#): > > _Little Drummer Boy_ by anybody. > > If there’s a good version of this one, I haven’t heard it. And yes, that includes Bing and Bowie, and Joan Jett’s versions. Try the Johnny Cash version. No parum-pah-bahs. > [@Ethilrist](#): > > The Twelve Days of Christmas. Any song where people commonly make it into a joke because of how long it takes to scing the chorus? Not a good song. I think it’s a drinking game, as in you throw back a shot every time you screw up. > [@blondebear](#): > > I’ve hated _Silent Night_ ever since being subjected to Jay North’s awful rendition on Dennis The Menace. Hey! A relative wrote that! And Jay North ruined it. Why isn’t he dead? > [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > **I’ve Got Some Presents For Santa** , Sarah Taylor. > > Too smarmily smutty for my tastes, despite my usual tolerance for double entendres and the like. Smut makes the holidays merry for everybody older than six. > [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Aw, these are two of my favorites, pop music wise. And anyone who doesn’t like Messrs. Bowie and Crosby singing Little Drummer Boy deserves a lump of coal in their stocking:p There is no way they were in the same hemisphere when they recorded it. > [@EmilyG](#): > > “Happy Xmas War is Over” and “Wonderful Christmastime.” Much as I like John Lennon and Paul McCartney’s other music, I dislike those two songs. Appallingly bad. > [@missred](#): > > Y’all forgot the Band Aid number from the eighties _Do They Know It’s Christmas?_. DO THEY FUCKING CARE? No, because they’re freaking Muslims or Anamists or simply starving, regardless your white privilege holiday… > [@racer72](#): > > Up on the Rooftop or anything by the Carpenters. Up on a housetop reindeer paws, Reindeer teeth and reindeer jaws, … Up on a housetop, click, click, click, Look here, I found a reindeer dick! ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/169 "2016-12-17T20:18:14Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > Ava Maria they play it every Christmas. Yuck. > > I usually turn the volume off until it’s over. It’s like the singer is getting poked with a hot iron. I’m tired of this song because many subway buskers here play it, all year round, and usually badly, and sometimes with a crappy/cheesy back-up recording. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/170 "2016-12-17T20:22:53Z")
Some songs are better than others. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth is not my favourite song. November Christmas music is too early for me. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2016, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/171 "2016-12-19T17:30:34Z")
Okay, _anything_ sung by an operatic singer. If anyone can fuck up a Christmas song, it’s some soprano showing off her range or a baritone dragging out a song until you want to slit your wrists. We went to the annual “Comfort and Joy” concert yesterday. The only joy I felt was when my wife suggested we leave at intermission. The arrangements were lackluster, and the baritone soloist was awful. You know the feeling of intimacy you hear when Karen Carpenter sings _The Christmas Waltz_? Imagine it as a dirge. As a bonus, he forgot part of the lyrics to one of the songs and tried to ad-lib “la-la-la”, then fucked up the end of another song by thinking he was at the end, when the orchestra still had another bit to do. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2016, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/172 "2016-12-19T23:52:09Z")
Apparently Leann Rimes covered the hippo song? She actually managed to make it boring. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2016, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/173 "2016-12-20T20:31:24Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > This, specifically the Jackson 5 version. Fortunately I’ve only heard it once this season and that was on Pandora. > > ETA: great. Now it’s on CISL. The horrible, off-key, efforts of the “other” Jacksons is so evident in this song that it makes you wonder how they ever got signed as an act. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2016, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/174 "2016-12-20T20:43:29Z")
> [@DSYoungEsq](#): > > Ok, I will say that _Feliz Navidad_ is really, really annoying. It has like four lyrics, period. Endlessly repeated. **Endlessly**. Jose Feliciano, ya got no complaints. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/175 "2016-12-21T16:12:24Z")
The local cable company found a worse version of “Santa Baby” for their seasonal music channel. Michael Bublé singing “Santa Buddy” just ain’t right. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/176 "2016-12-21T16:16:09Z")
> [@Zeke\_N.Destroi](#): > > Jingle Bells (Barbara Streisand) Pick a tempo and _stick with it_, lady! ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/177 "2016-12-21T16:54:32Z")
I was doing some shopping yesterday, and there was a family there with two kids who kept singing _the same two lines_ of “The Little Drummer Boy” over and over again, thus reminding me why I have decided never to have children. They finally left, then moments later “The Little Drummer Boy” came on the store’s sound system. I managed not to fall to my knees and scream “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” right there in the store, but it took some willpower. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/178 "2016-12-21T18:03:49Z")
[A Peter Griffin Christmas album.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Arov0NjZetE) ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/179 "2016-12-21T18:12:25Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > I’ve been occasionally tuning in to the local “all-Xmas music” station. Two of my least favourites so far this year have been “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year” (my Xmas doesn’t usually include ghost stories or toasting marshmallows) and “It’s A Marshmallow World” (way too saccharine for my taste). > > My least favourite Xmas song of all time is probably “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas”. That fake “widdle kid” singing just puts my teeth on edge… Have you noticed that those all-Xmas music" stations really up the number of ads?:mad: I do dislike “It’s A Marshmallow World”. I do like “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas”, but not in common rotation. It’s nice heard a couple of times, but not over & over. Little Drummer Boy by Bing & Bowie is another song like that. I _despise_ “Grandma got…” and it is in rotation, same hate with “The Christmas Shoes” … which at least I havent heard this year. “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” is a song I want to hear exactly once per season. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/180 "2016-12-21T19:48:09Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > There is no way they were in the same hemisphere when they recorded it. They must have been in the same hemisphere at some point unless [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADbJLo4x-tk) uses a green screen. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2016, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056/181 "2016-12-22T06:52:16Z")
My 2nd\* least favorite is “I Wonder As I Wander”. Or is it “I Wander As I Wonder”? I can’t tell, because every goddamn singer pronounces both words exactly the same. Whatever happened to WUNder and WAHNder? Do people forget how to pronounce simple English words when they start singing? #1 is, and always will be, “Christmas Shoes”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-christmas-standard-do-you-not-want-to-hear-any-more/774056.md?page=10)