# What commercials say to you **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 17, 2013, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135 "2013-11-17T18:39:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/121 "2013-12-15T18:26:27Z")
‘The 2014 Jeep Cherokee. Built Free.’ **Takeaway:** If it’s build free, why are you charging so much for it? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2013, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/122 "2013-12-16T13:40:23Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > ‘The 2014 Jeep Cherokee. Built Free.’… “We violate every labor law on the books to deliver the cheapest possible product.” “Our employees are unpaid. You only pay for the overseers’ whips!” ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2013, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/123 "2013-12-16T17:30:26Z")
Not commercials, exactly, but in the spirit of the thread. Sign viewed on the back window of a truck, apparently advertising the driver’s business: HEREZ UR [SIGNZ.COM](http://SIGNZ.COM) Right, I’m going to employ a signmaker for whom the correct spelling of words in English is unimportant. A local christian music station has banner ads everywhere (yea, even unto this very board) with the tag line: “When you need a silent night…God listens…playing all Christmas music” I don’t have the slightest clue what this is supposed to mean. God listens to the radio? God listens to you listening to the radio? How can you have a silent night with the radio blaring Christmas music anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2013, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/124 "2013-12-16T18:15:27Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > \ > > A local christian music station has banner ads everywhere (yea, even unto this very board) with the tag line: > > “When you need a silent night…God listens…playing all Christmas music” > > I don’t have the slightest clue what this is supposed to mean. God listens to the radio? God listens to you listening to the radio? How can you have a silent night with the radio blaring Christmas music anyway? That don’t make no damned sense. And, in a somewhat-related note, Christmas music makes people want to kill other people and themselves - pretty sure that isn’t what Jesus was all about. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/125 "2013-12-16T18:27:13Z")
The latest Microsoft Surface ads are trying to get the point across that the tablet can handle Office apps as well as entertainment and media consumption, but they give me the impression of “Microsoft Surface: The tablet for joyless drones everywhere”. ``` Examples: [A teacher lying through his teeth](http://www.ispot.tv/ad/75ZE/microsoft-surface-2-teacher): "All my students have the new Surface". [A bean counter who won't even approve stapler purchases lurves the new Surface.](http://www.ispot.tv/ad/75hw/microsoft-tablets-asus-transformer-song-by-sara-bareilles) So Microsoft struck out portraying the Surface as the tablet for [dancing hipsters everywhere](http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7dWC/microsoft-surface-pro-the-vibe) and now they're marketing it to soulless business drones. Which, according to an article I saw today, might even be working. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2013, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/126 "2013-12-16T20:50:59Z")
Those ‘chocolate diamonds’ commercials. **Takeaway:** ‘We have tons of these brown industrial diamonds. Too many for Industry to use. We’ll call them ‘chocolate diamonds’ so that our the sheep-like consumers will think they’re special (instead of the most common colour for diamonds), and charge them up the wazoo for them!’ Edit: I don’t buy gems. No reason to. But I find this particular campaign to be very offensive. . ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/127 "2013-12-16T20:56:19Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > [A teacher lying through his teeth](http://www.ispot.tv/ad/75ZE/microsoft-surface-2-teacher): “All my students have the new Surface”. What’s he lying about? His students don’t all have the new Surface? ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Jocko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncle_jocko/32/2932_2.png) [@Uncle\_Jocko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Jocko)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2013, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/128 "2013-12-17T16:02:46Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > The latest Microsoft Surface ads are trying to get the point across that the tablet can handle Office apps as well as entertainment and media consumption, but they give me the impression of “Microsoft Surface: The tablet for joyless drones everywhere”. > > ``` > Examples: > > [A teacher lying through his teeth](http://www.ispot.tv/ad/75ZE/microsoft-surface-2-teacher): "All my students have the new Surface". > > [A bean counter who won't even approve stapler purchases lurves the new Surface.](http://www.ispot.tv/ad/75hw/microsoft-tablets-asus-transformer-song-by-sara-bareilles) > > So Microsoft struck out portraying the Surface as the tablet for [dancing hipsters everywhere](http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7dWC/microsoft-surface-pro-the-vibe) and now they're marketing it to soulless business drones. Which, according to an article I saw today, might even be working. > > ``` And if you’ll note, each commercial starts with the word “Honestly” (to tie in with the clip from the Sara Barielles song they use, but still …). The bean counter one gets me. What a soulless mid-level manager! “Way more value than an iPad” … because Microsoft means work tools, dammit! Not like those Fisher-Price products Apple throws out at you. Plus, they’re better than staplers! (I also can’t stop marveling at his hair. Is that like a business Mohawk?) ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Jocko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncle_jocko/32/2932_2.png) [@Uncle\_Jocko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Jocko)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2013, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/129 "2013-12-17T16:08:19Z")
And can I also mention, since it’s the season … the holiday-themed Target ads? I do give them credit for a variety of jingles in different styles (all closing with “It’s my kind of hol-i-day”), so good job creative department. Plus a couple of those are earworm-catchy (the song from the one with the girl unwrapping the vacuum-shaped present to find headphones inside will.not.leave.my.head. “Cam-ou-flaaaaage wrap” is so damn CATCHY). But … the one with the presents attached to balloons floating near the ceiling. While that’s not only a waste of precious, precious helium, the song expressly states “no presents beneath the tree.” LOOK! Back in the corner of the room! A tree … with presents under it! LIES! Come on, art director … stick with the continuity here! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/130 "2013-12-17T16:11:16Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Those ‘chocolate diamonds’ commercials. > > **Takeaway:** ‘We have tons of these brown industrial diamonds. Too many for Industry to use. We’ll call them ‘chocolate diamonds’ so that our the sheep-like consumers will think they’re special (instead of the most common colour for diamonds), and charge them up the wazoo for them!’ Incidentally, I went to the mall last night. I asked a girl at whatever company it is that is selling the ‘chocolate diamonds’ how their prices compare to regular diamonds. She says they cost more. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2013, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/131 "2013-12-17T16:43:49Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > What’s he lying about? His students don’t all have the new Surface? Because unless the school is supplying or requiring them, a classroom where all the students are using Surface tablets of their own free will exists only in Microsoft’s dreams. Right now, I think they’ve got something like 2 or 3% market share. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2013, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/132 "2013-12-17T17:09:42Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > Because unless the school is supplying or requiring them, a classroom where all the students are using Surface tablets of their own free will exists only in Microsoft’s dreams. Right now, I think they’ve got something like 2 or 3% market share. If he says all the students have them, I think you’re supposed to think the school supplied them. Lots of schools supply iPads and MS’s point is that the Surface is better than an iPad. And HONESTLY, as far as value and compatibility go, they are a better fit for schools than an iPad. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/133 "2013-12-17T22:28:57Z")
> [@Zago](#): > > The Raisin Bran commercial where the daughter says to the dad, “did Mom make you eat that?”: it says most people have to be forced to eat Raisin Bran. I, actually like Raisin Bran but apparently it’s mostly loathed if someone has to force you to eat it. He’s like “what? I like raisins” and she’s all rolling her eyes, “yeah, right, dad” as if liking raisins is such a crazy idea?! I like raisins. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2013, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/134 "2013-12-17T23:01:38Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > Because unless the school is supplying or requiring them, … Is that an impossibility? I know the school district in my area is rolling out tablets for all middle schoolers. I think the high schoolers are on “bring your own device” right now but that is a rolling age bracket and will soon have school provided devices for them as well. I don’t think they are Surface, but they’re not IPads either. Perhaps he’s in a district that is choosing Surface because it’s a better fit than Ipad. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/135 "2013-12-18T01:03:34Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > He’s like “what? I like raisins” and she’s all rolling her eyes, “yeah, right, dad” as if liking raisins is such a crazy idea?! > > I like raisins. Actually, I’d prefer fewer raisins in Raisin Bran. I like the cereal. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/136 "2013-12-18T02:42:36Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Incidentally, I went to the mall last night. I asked a girl at whatever company it is that is selling the ‘chocolate diamonds’ how their prices compare to regular diamonds. She says they cost more. I googled Chocolate Diamonds after reading your post, and I thought they looked good, but mostly that they looked like [smoky quartz.](http://engaged.robbinsbrothers.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Smokey-Quartz-Ring-1024x1024.jpg). Chocolate diamonds are industrial diamonds, they look like smoky quartz, AND they’re more expensive than regular diamonds?!? What a scam! ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/137 "2013-12-18T20:06:47Z")
“Our diamonds are the first to be independently certified to be noticably brighter.” Brighter than _what?_ Raw diamonds? A giant turd? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/138 "2013-12-18T20:27:09Z")
Oh, so they’re intelligent? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/139 "2013-12-18T20:49:42Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > “Our diamonds are the first to be independently certified to be noticably brighter.” > > Brighter than _what?_ Raw diamonds? A giant turd? I’m independent, certainly in the sence that I have no working relationships with jewelers or diamond miners. I will certify anything they want, under certain conditions and for a certain price. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135/140 "2013-12-18T20:51:22Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > I don’t think he’s supposed to be homeless, just as eccentric hipster. > [@Zago](#): > > I still don’t get the crazy/homeless Vonage guy - I believe he’s styled specifically to look homeless, not just eccentric. Why anyone would take advice from him is baffling. The origianl ad had him as a homeless/crazy street preacher type standing on a stret corner babbleing about crazy ideas like being able to call international for the same low price as domestically. A Vonage Exec over hears him and brings him to a meeting. He is the “Crazy” part of “Crazy Generous”. > [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Those ‘chocolate diamonds’ commercials. > > **Takeaway:** ‘We have tons of these brown industrial diamonds. Too many for Industry to use. We’ll call them ‘chocolate diamonds’ so that our the sheep-like consumers will think they’re special (instead of the most common colour for diamonds), and charge them up the wazoo for them!’ They are diamonds for peole who know nothing about diamonds. But, truthfully, they are no more or less of a scam than the rest of the diamond industry. > [@Irishman](#): > > “Our diamonds are the first to be independently certified to be noticably brighter.” > > Brighter than _what?_ Raw diamonds? A giant turd? yes, both. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-commercials-say-to-you/674135.md?page=8)