# What constitutes "hitting on" someone? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 14, 2008, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371 "2008-04-14T23:53:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Squeaker\_Snow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Squeaker\_Snow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squeaker_Snow)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/1 "2008-04-14T23:53:11Z")
Seriously. I understand what it means to flirt with someone. But what does it take to “hit on” somebody? Is that different than flirting? Like, to hit on someone do you have to invite them out for a date? How do you know if you’ve been “hit on?” Is that different than “making a pass” at somebody? Doesn’t that mean that the person tries to kiss you or something? My personal trainer (who is 25) keeps talking about guys hitting on her and quite frankly, I’m not quite sure what she’s saying. I thought I knew, but since I’m 49 and married and have been out of that loop for many years…maybe I don’t. Can anyone clarify? ---
**Author:** ![JustThinkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@JustThinkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustThinkin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/2 "2008-04-14T23:57:22Z")
My very loose definitions: Hit on = try to get a date with Make a pass at = try to get sex with I imagine the responses are going to vary wildly. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/3 "2008-04-15T01:32:01Z")
IMHO, “to hit on” = “to flirt where flirtation is not desired, at least not from you” Example: On _Taxi_, Elaine was always flirting with Alex, but Louie was always hitting on Elaine. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/4 "2008-04-15T01:43:12Z")
To me (not that this happens to me anymore, but you did ask), flirting is enjoyed by both parties, regardless of who initiates it. I flirt with say, **Quadgop**. (he may not realize it. Sigh) hitting on is an unwanted advance (usually verbal) by one person to another. No example here because I don’t want to hurt feelings. Making a pass is an unwanted physical advance by one person to another. Not possible in this medium, thanks be to og. I dated in the dark ages before cell phones, the internet and hooking up, so what do I know… ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/5 "2008-04-15T01:55:23Z")
Hitting on isn’t necessarily physical; making a pass is. For me, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/6 "2008-04-15T02:09:57Z")
Flirting is reciprocal; hitting on is not. (Hitting on may, in fact, be followed by actual hitting). ---
**Author:** ![freekalette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/50afbb/32.png) [@freekalette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freekalette)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/7 "2008-04-15T11:50:02Z")
In my neck of the woods, hitting on someone is akin to flirting with intent. As in, my few best male friends and I _flirt_ with each other lots, but we all know that nothing is meant by it. They would never _hit on_ me, because one of them is gay and all four of them know that it’d be a lost cause anyway, since I’m happily married. I agree with the posters who said making a pass is an unwanted physical advance. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/8 "2008-04-15T16:14:04Z")
Once done, if you’re not offended it was a pass. If you want to take a shower, you’ve been hit upon. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/9 "2008-04-15T16:54:33Z")
Flirting is just for fun, hitting on expects results. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/10 "2008-04-15T17:05:12Z")
I agree with **elanorigby** - a pass is more likely to be physical, hitting on is unwelcome, flirting is the same thing but enjoyed by both parties. I am often _hit on_ at the library. I am never _flirted with_. If somebody _made a pass at me_ here I’d call Security or inform them in no certain terms that their attentions were unwelcome. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/11 "2008-04-15T17:13:26Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Flirting is just for fun, hitting on expects results. [/QUOTE] Agreed. What is this belief that hitting on is, by definition, unwelcome? Same with making a pass? Those are really new definitions for me. If you try to convince someone to date you or sleep with you, your actions will initially be the same whether the person agrees or not. Does the description of what you’re doing change based on how the other person reacts? That’s like saying I’m not typing right now, instead I’m juggling lobsters, because someone somewhere thinks my typing is unwelcome. If hitting on someone is welcome, what do you call it then? ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/12 "2008-04-15T17:20:25Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] If hitting on someone is welcome, what do you call it then? [/QUOTE] Foreplay? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/13 "2008-04-15T17:23:06Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Foreplay? [/QUOTE] Thanks, no, I’m a little tired. Your answer implies that hitting implies mostly physical action. I always thought it was more verbal. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/14 "2008-04-15T17:24:32Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Thanks, no, I’m a little tired. Your answer implies that hitting implies mostly physical action. I always thought it was more verbal. [/QUOTE] Right, I suppose I mean that flirting is harmless. You can flirt with anyone you can and it just means being friendly with someone who you would also get down with. Hitting on is flirting but it’s not as harmless, you expect action in the form of either a date or hooking up. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/15 "2008-04-15T17:32:26Z")
Yeah, it’s a difference in intent. Exactly. I’m confused about the terms “less harmless” and “expect.” It’s possible to harmlessy hit on someone, and want something but not expect it. In fact, I would hope that that’s the norm. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/16 "2008-04-15T17:38:36Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Yeah, it’s a difference in intent. Exactly. I’m confused about the terms “less harmless” and “expect.” It’s possible to harmlessy hit on someone, and want something but not expect it. In fact, I would hope that that’s the norm. [/QUOTE] Agreed, however I think that it’s not entirely possible to harmlessly hit on someone. You can flirt forever, but once you raise it to hit on something changes, either for the positive or the negative, but it does change. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/17 "2008-04-15T17:54:40Z")
I must respectfully disagree. Personally, whether I flirt or hit on someone, my actions and words are pretty much exactly the same. With flirting, I’m just having fun. With hitting on, I’m having fun and trying to see if there’s any return interest. If not, I stop. That seems pretty harmless to me. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/18 "2008-04-15T19:03:27Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Agreed. What is this belief that hitting on is, by definition, unwelcome? Same with making a pass? Those are really new definitions for me. If you try to convince someone to date you or sleep with you, your actions will initially be the same whether the person agrees or not. Does the description of what you’re doing change based on how the other person reacts? That’s like saying I’m not typing right now, instead I’m juggling lobsters, because someone somewhere thinks my typing is unwelcome. If hitting on someone is welcome, what do you call it then? [/QUOTE] _You_, the one doing it, might think it’s the same thing. _I_ might think it’s quite different, depending on whether you’re a) George Clooney, or b) that guy I saw peeing behind a dumpster this morning. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/19 "2008-04-15T19:05:47Z")
[QUOTE=Zsofia] _You_, the one doing it, might think it’s the same thing. _I_ might think it’s quite different, depending on whether you’re a) George Clooney, or b) that guy I saw peeing behind a dumpster this morning. [/QUOTE] What if you saw George Clooney peeing behind a dumpster this morning though? What then?!? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/20 "2008-04-15T19:06:45Z")
Ah. I’m George Clooney. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371.md?page=2)