# What constitutes "hitting on" someone? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 14, 2008, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371 "2008-04-14T23:53:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/61 "2008-04-16T17:42:30Z")
Forgot to add: YES, I WANT TO BE KISSED, BUT NOT BY A NOSE PICKING EYE TOUCHER! Who’s man enough to demonstrate for **tdn**? **Vinyl** (you’re a guy, right?), **Rhymer**? [sub] QtM?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![tirial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@tirial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tirial)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/62 "2008-04-16T17:43:43Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Huh. Have you ever, at any time in your life, been approached by a guy and enjoyed it? Think back. Unless you’ve never had a boyfriend, and never gotten laid, never even been kissed, I’m going to have to assume that you’ve been in at least one conversation in your life. And I’m going to have to assume that the conversation escalated to some sort of flirtatious mode. Maybe even a nice comment was made about your eyes. Think back now. That’s NEVER happened to you? [/QUOTE] I’m married. If a guy starts hitting on me during a conversation he automatically gets put into the creep bracket, regardless of how “joking” he says he is. Flirting with someone I know is fine, because it isn’t going to go anywhere and both of us know that. Regarding “beautiful eyes” - if the comment is made in the course of the conversation, then it can be brushed off as flirting. If you stop and derail the conversation, or start it up after a pause using those words, then its hitting on. It also depends on how well I know him - I wouldn’t describe someone as a friend until I’d known them for a few months, and from someone I had met that night, that type of attention would never be welcome. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/63 "2008-04-16T17:46:47Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] One that, as a romantic ice-breaker, ranks up there with “you have really soft skin. Would you like to come home with me and see my sewing machine?” [/QUOTE] It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again! Damn, where’s Buffalo Bill when I’m feeling unattractive and need a good bout of flirting? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/64 "2008-04-16T17:50:09Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] Hokay–I liked the nose comment until the pick it part and now I shall chase you around the Dope with a rolled up magazine with intent to smack you and then tickle you. \ [/QUOTE] Stop chasing me. Weirdo. And what are you going to do with that rolled up magazine? “Hit on me?” You wish. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/65 "2008-04-16T17:55:25Z")
Ooh, see–this is where we part ways. I am also married, but thoroughly enjoy flirting with other men (one reason wives don’t like me much). If I can’t flirt with guys at a party or appropriate setting (I’ve done some of most fun flirting at the nurse’s station with other nurses and doctors), the party just isn’t fun. Being married (to me) is no barrier to flirting. IMO, it er–primes the pump for later fun with the spouse. Hitting on to me is not more aggressive flirting–it’s just a guy(usually, but women do it too\*) being sexually aggressive in a non-physical way. It’s like construction guys calling out shit to me as I walk by-yuck. Or the old men with bad teeth who used to come up to me at the nurse’s station and say things like, “mmm. mmm. You look good enough to eat, honey!”. Fuck off and die soon, kay? That’s hitting on–even if the old guy (this was pre-Viagra days) truly wasn’t planning to get lucky with me. - I had a lesbian come on to me strongly in our biology lab freshman year in college. She looked just like Vivien Leigh, too. (not that I had people coming on to me all the time like this thread seems to imply…) Anyhoo, I could use a good flirt or two. I miss it. I don’t see many docs anymore, or any adult males, really. I’m at home or at work or the grocery store etc. Teenage boys are (rightly) creeped out if I flirt with them (and that is creepy as hell), so who’s left? Nameless, faceless, (mostly) genderless Dopers. How you doin’? 😃 ETA: I’m laughing at **tdn**. C’mere you and let me slap you around a bit. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/66 "2008-04-16T18:28:18Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] Hitting on to me is not more aggressive flirting–it’s just a guy(usually, but women do it too\*) being sexually aggressive in a non-physical way. It’s like construction guys calling out shit to me as I walk by-yuck. Or the old men with bad teeth who used to come up to me at the nurse’s station and say things like, “mmm. mmm. You look good enough to eat, honey!”. [/QUOTE] That’s where our definitions differ. It was mentioned upthread that hitting on is a subset of flirting. While I agree, I think that flirting is a subset of hitting on. If I hit on someone I: Flirt Tease Tell fun and interesting stories Compliment (a little) Ask her questions (Where are you from? What do you do?) Touch her a little (I’m talking about a light tap on the shoulder or forearm. Ya pervs.) Joke Smile Look her in the eyes a little too long (No touching!) What would you call that? > [@](#): > > ETA: I’m laughing at **tdn**. C’mere you and let me slap you around a bit. 😉 Don’t make me come down there and kiss you. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/67 "2008-04-16T18:54:12Z")
[QUOTE=tirial] I’m married. If a guy starts hitting on me during a conversation he automatically gets put into the creep bracket, regardless of how “joking” he says he is. Flirting with someone I know is fine, because it isn’t going to go anywhere and both of us know that. [/QUOTE] Well, of course, you have to measure the person’s response. If they are obviously uncomfortable with it, you have to stop. If you don’t that’s where it can get creepy. If the person is hitting on you (in the nice definition) right back, then it’s OK to keep going. As far as the touching eyes thing goes, I’ve never actually used that. Now I don’t think I ever will. But when I first heard about it, I laughed for about five minutes. You probably shouldn’t take it all that seriously. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/68 "2008-04-16T18:57:50Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] And if someone asks if he can touch your eyes, and says it – get this – in a joking and flirty way, do you think he ACTUALLY wants to put his fingertips on your retinas? [/QUOTE] What’s wrong with the cornea, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with your finger on her cornea? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the retina like a bull at a gate. Rub her cornea, boy. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/69 "2008-04-16T19:01:36Z")
OK, stop it. I’m at work and I’m not supposed to be laughing. ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/70 "2008-04-16T19:02:04Z")
Damn, this thread hits way too close to home for me, but I need to chime in anyway. I’m a social retard when it comes to women, even if I am bringing my A game. I was at a charity benefit for an old friend of mine who is dying from ALS and I probably had a drink or two past my limit. In walks a woman who I grew up with in high school and hadn’t seen in 20 years or more. She comes over and starts talking about old times, how are your parents doing? Just small talk and I reciprocate in kind. She seemed really happy to see me and we sort of had a past together, flirtation wise. I then pipe up that I " So wanted to make out with you! " I saw the gleam go out of her eyes and knew right then that I crossed over the line. If I would have simply said something like I was tempted to kiss you more than once in high school. That would not have crossed the line. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/71 "2008-04-16T19:33:06Z")
**tirial** , I kind of lost my temper a while back. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![tirial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@tirial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tirial)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/72 "2008-04-16T19:47:33Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] **tirial** , I kind of lost my temper a while back. Sorry. [/QUOTE] Hey, don’t worry. If that’s the worst that happens to me this week, then I’m ahead 😃 (In my line of work “sociopath” is virtually a compliment. I might almost think you were flirting with me 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/73 "2008-04-16T20:42:59Z")
[QUOTE=tirial] (In my line of work “sociopath” is virtually a compliment. I might almost think you were flirting with me 😉 ) [/QUOTE] I am. You can touch my eyes if you want. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/74 "2008-04-16T21:24:58Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] \>SNIP\< …because there are too many guys (see upthread) who take the smallest sign of humanity to be a “GO!” sign. \ [/QUOTE] Yes, yes, and yes. I used to give a little smile to pretty much anyone that I made eye contact with. I’ve had to train myself not to do that because just a friendly, throwaway smile is often thought of as a welcome to flirt. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/75 "2008-04-16T21:46:59Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] That’s where our definitions differ. It was mentioned upthread that hitting on is a subset of flirting. While I agree, I think that flirting is a subset of hitting on. If I hit on someone I: Flirt Tease Tell fun and interesting stories Compliment (a little) Ask her questions (Where are you from? What do you do?) Touch her a little (I’m talking about a light tap on the shoulder or forearm. Ya pervs.) Joke Smile Look her in the eyes a little too long (No touching!) What would you call that? [/QUOTE] I call that flirting, sir and \ I say, I say, sir that you do it, you do it well! > [@](#): > > Don’t make me come down there and kiss you. You wish. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2008, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/76 "2008-04-16T21:49:35Z")
[QUOTE=KneadToKnow] What’s wrong with the cornea, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with your finger on her cornea? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the retina like a bull at a gate. Rub her cornea, boy. [/QUOTE] Oh, God. Pure genius. Thank you for the laughter today. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2008, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/77 "2008-04-17T00:44:10Z")
Happy to oblige, **eleanorigby**. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2008, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/78 "2008-04-17T01:18:50Z")
Who cares about the semantics? The only thing that matters is the result. I imagine that those who care so much about what “hit on” constitutes are more concerned about what words to use in their next text message. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2008, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/79 "2008-04-17T13:07:34Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] I call that flirting, sir and \ I say, I say, sir that you do it, you do it well! [/QUOTE] I try to do my best. I was pretty on last night. But Hot Robot Repair Girl hasn’t gotten back to me yet. Neither has Finger Paint Girl. I’ll give them another hour, then I’m so dumping them. Flirting? Hitting on? **guizot** has it right, it’s just words. What matters is the interaction. > [@](#): > > You wish. 😛 You keep yackin’, but you still haven’t sent me a picture. Send me one. You can title it “Librarian-Type in Bikini.” ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2008, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371/80 "2008-04-17T20:55:52Z")
Wow, having been following this thread, I’m pretty sure you’re all weirdos. =P I have a potentially dumb question, though, for **tirial** –is it still an automatic trip to creepytown if a guy goes from friendly flirting to hitting on without knowing that you’re married? Say your left hand’s hidden and your husband has not been in line-of-sight. I ask because, after all, relationships have to start SOMEWHERE, and friendly flirting is in general a good way to go there. More clearly, a scenario: You’re at a cocktail party somewhere, holding a plate of some food in your left hand. Your husband is talking about something with some buddies across the room, and a guy strikes up a conversation–it’s fun, low-key flirty, and friendly. Then he makes a comment that’s obviously testing the waters to see if you’re interested–is that creepy, or does it only become creepy after you set down the plate (making your wedding ring visible) or otherwise indicate your status and he continues or doesn’t apologize? And on an unrelated note, I STILL need to figure out how to politely flirt with the cute clerk at the local video rental place. =P [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-constitutes-hitting-on-someone/445371.md?page=5)