# What Country SHOULD We Go to War With? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 10, 2002, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716 "2002-10-10T19:08:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/1 "2002-10-10T19:08:51Z")
It’s obvious that Bush has a bee in his bonnet (and a flea in his ear) about going to war. But I think this Iraq deal is a bad idea—besides, it’s been _done_. Bush should start thinking outside the box. What country do _you_ think we should go to war with? I have a few ideas: • **Monaco**. They killed Grace Kelly, they’re pretty much wussies, and we’d all get to take really cool vacations if we owned Monaco. • **Switzerland**. We could whup 'em with one hand behind our back—and we’d get to take home all those great chocolates and cuckoo clocks. Any other ideas? ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/2 "2002-10-10T19:23:40Z")
Start somplace easy, like **France**. Who’s gonna bail them out _this_ time? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/3 "2002-10-10T19:26:37Z")
Well, **Canada** would be convenient, and the people seem really nice, so it would be a blast to invade. But I’d suggest to delay until next spring, since it can get a bit nippy up there. Maybe there’s a nice island somewhere, similar to **Grenada** , that has some friendly medical students that need rescuing. Maybe **Turks and Caicos**? ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/4 "2002-10-10T19:27:56Z")
Stick with Iraq - for now. I’d hate to wait until furrther down the road when Saddam Insane has nukes as a blackmailing tool. Do Iraq a favor and oust the mutha. ---
**Author:** ![mudpupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@mudpupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mudpupper)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/5 "2002-10-10T19:28:55Z")
I like your thinking. Iraq…been there, done that. My votes: Belize - They got it coming to them for all that rhetoric that they spit out against the US. Oh, wait, maybe that’s not quite right. But it’s an easy victory. France - They think the’re a superpower but the’re not. Only country in the world that rivals our arrogance. We want to be the clear #1. Iowa - Good central location. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/6 "2002-10-10T20:06:37Z")
Myanmar…used to be a fun place when it was Burma. Lichtenstein…it would make map makers happy to get rid of it. It is very difficult when the name of the country is larger than the country. I hear Bush wants to go to Irkusk. He noticed that every time he and Colin and Dick play Risk, it seems to be the easiest country to take over. ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/7 "2002-10-10T20:30:23Z")
[**apotheosis** sits alone in a darkened, smoke-filled room, stroking a Persian cat and slowly spinning the deluxe-size world globe on the huge oak meeting table] …The purple ones. I hate purple. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/8 "2002-10-10T21:20:24Z")
Belgium. Ever since I found out the whole waffle thing was a lie – _a damn dirty **lie** , I tell you!_ – I’ve wanted to step on them like one of those puffy dusty fungus balls. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/9 "2002-10-10T21:23:29Z")
I second Canada. [http://www.satirewire.com/news/feb02/warship.shtml](http://www.satirewire.com/news/feb02/warship.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/10 "2002-10-10T21:28:37Z")
The Grand Duchy of Fenwick ---
**Author:** ![Fibonacci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Fibonacci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibonacci)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/11 "2002-10-10T21:30:30Z")
_CHAD_ - Look at the mess they got us into when they were just hanging in Florida. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/12 "2002-10-10T21:38:41Z")
The Grand Duchy of Fenwick ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/13 "2002-10-10T22:54:13Z")
Kewl! A double post bracketing some other doper’s post! ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/14 "2002-10-10T22:55:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*I second Canada. > > [http://www.satirewire.com/news/feb02/warship.shtml](http://www.satirewire.com/news/feb02/warship.shtml) \*\* Heh. That was pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![airdisc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e19adc/32.png) [@airdisc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/airdisc)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/15 "2002-10-11T01:04:18Z")
These: Afghanistan Albania Algeria American Samoa Andorra Angola Anguilla Antarctica Antigua and Barbuda Arctic Ocean Argentina Armenia Aruba Ashmore and Cartier Islands Australia Austria Azerbaijan Bahamas, The Bahrain Baker Island Bangladesh Barbados Bassas da India Belarus Belgium Belize Benin Bermuda Bhutan Bolivia Bosnia and Herzegovina Botswana Bouvet Island Brazil British Indian Ocean Territory British Virgin Islands Brunei Bulgaria Burkina Faso Burma Burundi Cambodia Cameroon Canada Cape Verde Cayman Islands Central African Republic Chad Chile China Christmas Island Clipperton Island Cocos (Keeling) Islands Colombia Comoros Congo, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Republic of the Cook Islands Coral Sea Islands Costa Rica Cote d’Ivoire Croatia Cuba Cyprus Czech Republic Denmark Djibouti Dominica Dominican Republic Ecuador Egypt El Salvador Equatorial Guinea Eritrea Estonia Ethiopia Europa Island Falkland Islands (Islas Malvinas) Faroe Islands Fiji Finland France French Guiana French Polynesia French Southern and Antarctic Lands Gabon Gambia, The Gaza Strip Georgia Germany Ghana Gibraltar Glorioso Islands Greece Greenland Grenada Guadeloupe Guam Guatemala Guernsey Guinea Guinea-Bissau Guyana Haiti Heard Island and McDonald Islands Holy See Honduras Hong Kong Howland Island Hungary Iceland India Indonesia Iran Iraq Ireland Israel Italy Jamaica Jan Mayen Japan Jarvis Island Jersey Johnston Atoll Jordan Juan de Nova Island Kazakhstan Kenya Kingman Reef Kiribati Korea, North Korea, South Kuwait Kyrgyzstan Laos Latvia Lebanon Lesotho Liberia Libya Liechtenstein Lithuania Luxembourg Macau Macedonia, The Former Yugoslav Republic of Madagascar Malawi Malaysia Maldives Mali Malta Man, Isle of Marshall Islands Martinique Mauritania Mauritius Mayotte Mexico Micronesia, Federated States of Midway Islands Moldova Monaco Mongolia Montserrat Morocco Mozambique Namibia Nauru Navassa Island Nepal Netherlands Netherlands Antilles New Caledonia New Zealand Nicaragua Niger Nigeria Niue Norfolk Island Northern Mariana Islands Norway Oman Pakistan Palau Palmyra Atoll Panama Papua New Guinea Paracel Islands Paraguay Peru Philippines Pitcairn Islands Poland Portugal Puerto Rico Qatar Reunion Romania Russia Rwanda Saint Helena Saint Kitts and Nevis Saint Lucia Saint Pierre and Miquelon Saint Vincent and the Grenadines Samoa San Marino Sao Tome and Principe Saudi Arabia Senegal Seychelles Sierra Leone Singapore Slovakia Slovenia Solomon Islands Somalia South Africa South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands Spain Spratly Islands Sri Lanka Sudan Suriname Svalbard Swaziland Sweden Switzerland Syria Taiwan Tajikistan Tanzania Thailand Togo Tokelau Tonga Trinidad and Tobago Tromelin Island Tunisia Turkey Turkmenistan Turks and Caicos Islands Tuvalu Uganda Ukraine United Arab Emirates United Kingdom Uruguay Uzbekistan Vanuatu Venezuela Vietnam Virgin Islands Wake Island Wallis and Futuna West Bank Western Sahara Yemen Yugoslavia Zambia Zimbabwe ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/16 "2002-10-11T01:22:29Z")
**airdisc** , I agree with all of those, except Svalbard. I mean geez, let’s not get greedy. ---
**Author:** ![Erika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/47e85d/32.png) [@Erika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erika)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/17 "2002-10-11T01:50:52Z")
Poland. Everyone knows you have to go through Poland first! And then Finland. Just because. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/18 "2002-10-11T02:04:24Z")
Let’s go for Guam. Smarmy bastards. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/19 "2002-10-11T02:13:23Z")
Sealand - They’re just spoiling for a fight with that atittude. [www.sealandgov.com](http://www.sealandgov.com) ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/20 "2002-10-11T02:39:28Z")
Uh, **interface** …Guam is us. Unless you’re asking for another Civil War. Come to think of it, that could be interesting. How 'bout we see if Texas is as tough as it thinks it is? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716.md?page=2)