# What Country SHOULD We Go to War With? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 10, 2002, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716 "2002-10-10T19:08:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/21 "2002-10-11T02:46:26Z")
> [@](#): > > I second Canada. “We’re bigger, and we’re on top. If this was prison, they would be our bitch.” - Rick Mercer, _This Hour Has 22 Minutes_ ---
**Author:** ![Spudo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Spudo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spudo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/22 "2002-10-11T02:50:10Z")
With Canadian Thanksgiving coming up so soon, and American Thanksgiving in another month and a half, why don’t both countries get together and stomp Turkey? ---
**Author:** ![Mundo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mundo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mundo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/23 "2002-10-11T02:51:21Z")
I agree with everyone **airdisc** named except Artic Ocean. I’ve spent many a year battleing those sea monsters and all I’ve got to show for it is a wooden leg. Besides, those giant squid are a pain to negotiate with. They get you so wrapped up with everything you drown in their paper work. ---
**Author:** ![Mundo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mundo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mundo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/24 "2002-10-11T02:54:22Z")
guh, I’ll learn to spell one of these days. While I’m at it I’ll also learn how to spell battling ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/25 "2002-10-11T02:56:57Z")
I vote we invade Microsoft. I’ve been playing [Bejeweled](http://zone.msn.com/bejeweled/default.asp?hb=f) for the last half hour, and the terrorists won every time. MSN is openly providing financing for smaller and more elusive terrorist groups like PopCap, flaunting their support through various links and advertisements. Microsoft also supports .NET; a radical, fundamentalist faction of the ancient and honorable religion of CGI. This administration feels it’s only a matter of time before Microsoft acquires programming languages of mass destruction; indeed, they’ve already used nerve toxins like C#, VB, and Jolt Cola on their own people. Let there be no doubt: We will not rest until MSN, PopCap, and that little clippy bastard have been relegated to history’s bit-bucket of wasted productivity. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/26 "2002-10-11T04:09:57Z")
My FERVENT preference would be…NONE. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/27 "2002-10-11T04:18:03Z")
I’d vote for Canada, too! Just let me be in the front ranks as we march thru Montreal. There’s a certain Quebecois I want to surrender to! ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/28 "2002-10-11T04:45:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by widdershins \* > \*\*Sealand - They’re just spoiling for a fight with that atittude. > > [www.sealandgov.com](http://www.sealandgov.com) \*\* Is that story for real? If so, that’s fucking hilarious. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/29 "2002-10-11T05:10:02Z")
The Soviet Union. You just know they’re faking this whole “Russia” thing so we’ll let our guard down. Did anyone actually see them throw out all those red flags? I didn’t think so. So let’s get them first. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/30 "2002-10-11T07:25:54Z")
I say we take out Antarctica via Easter Island and continue on to The Moon where we can really let it all hang out. ---
**Author:** ![partly\_warmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@partly\_warmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partly_warmer)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/31 "2002-10-11T07:42:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\*Uh, **interface** …Guam is us. \*\* C’mon. Get creative. We give them independence, then go back and whack 'em! Release and capture is what it’s all about, mon! We could do it every weekend for practice! ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/32 "2002-10-11T09:46:10Z")
I second (third?) **France**! On September 11 of last year, my clock radio went off and in my half-sleep I heard that a plane flew _through_ the World Trade Center. My immediate thought in my sleep-addled mind was of the French daredevil who had parachuted and gotten caught on the Statue of Liberty about a month before. I thought it was some other crazy Frenchman who had used a small plane to fly between the two towers. I turned on my TV and quickly got the real story, but I still think the French have not been adequately blamed. Iraq may be in the “Axis of Evil,” but I think France (or at least some wacky French) is firmly centered in the “Axis of Idiocy.” Oh, and I think we should invade **French Canada** as well for not having the good sense to elect Matt\_McL to Parliament. ---
**Author:** ![Zorro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ad7895/32.png) [@Zorro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zorro)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/33 "2002-10-11T10:18:39Z")
I don’t know that **Switzerland** would be that easy an option. For a start, how are you going to get there? There is no way that the Germans, Austrians, Italians and especially the French are going to let your lot station an invasion force around Switzerland. Also, they’re really paranoid about this sort of thing and are fully geared up to repel aggressive foreign bastards. All the bridges and tunnels are mined, and invading Switzerland without bridges or tunnels is hard. It’s a bumpy place. Every Swiss bloke is armed to the teeth (it’s a bit like Texas in that respect), and they have these scary James Bond Bad Guy-style aircraft hangars in mountain sides, with steam catapults to launch them. Plus a load of tanks and APC specially designes for mountains. But it would be interesting to watch. Just try it. ---
**Author:** ![manwithaplan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@manwithaplan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manwithaplan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/34 "2002-10-11T10:59:16Z")
You’re welcome to invade **Ireland**. Just make sure you bring cookies and promise to drive Michael Flatley from our shores. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/35 "2002-10-11T11:03:05Z")
Never mind Iraq, we should invade Tie Rack. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/36 "2002-10-11T11:08:48Z")
No! Wait! Turn the flotilla back NOW. Michael Flatley’s is a genetic aberration _caused_ by US/Irish hobnobbing. Imagine the chances of producing another one following thousands more illicit liaisons… ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/37 "2002-10-11T12:22:54Z")
France—they already have nukes, so who is to say when they might hand’em over to terrorists? A lot of French-Canadians fit that category already. Maybe we should take them out first. No, it should be France and then the French-Canadians. But what if France has already given them nukes? What then? Maybe we better just surrender now instead of later. ---
**Author:** ![Sutremaine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sutremaine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sutremaine)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/38 "2002-10-11T14:22:11Z")
I vote Canada. We could force James LaBrie to visit a hairdresser. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/39 "2002-10-11T14:54:05Z")
I think we should start something with Quebec. I bet Canada would disown them then, and let them become an independent nation once the US is gunning for them. It’d be like attacking France, without all that ocean travel. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716/40 "2002-10-11T16:11:43Z")
I think we should go after Freedonia. That Margaret Dumont broad is just asking for it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-country-should-we-go-to-war-with/131716.md?page=3)