# What counts when making a headline apology? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [November 30, 2006, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-counts-when-making-a-headline-apology/382320 "2006-11-30T14:46:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![According\_to\_Pliny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@According\_to\_Pliny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/According_to_Pliny)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-counts-when-making-a-headline-apology/382320/1 "2006-11-30T14:46:10Z")
We see a lot of these all the time. Politicians, celebs, police, etc. Someone will make an apology that doesn’t seem to cover the definition. “I’m sorry you can’t take honest criticism.” “I’m sorry you found my words/actions offensive/deadly.” And there is a call for a better apology. What is the criteria for a public apology? ---
**Author:** ![Mayo\_Speaks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mayo\_Speaks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mayo_Speaks)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-counts-when-making-a-headline-apology/382320/2 "2006-11-30T16:52:49Z")
Sincerity is important, as is admitting that what you did was wrong, accepting full responsibility, and vowing to make it right. It’s also helpful to make the apology soon after the accident. You need to basically say, “I fucked up. It’s entirely my fault, and I accept full responsibility. There’s no excuse for [whatever egregious thing I did]. I’m an idiot. But I’ve learned from my mistake, and I will never make it again. I will also work to make it right.” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-counts-when-making-a-headline-apology/382320/3 "2006-11-30T17:00:18Z")
You should also add into your list of non-apologies the next stage, which admits wrongdoing but absolves the utterer of responsibility: “Mistakes were made” - though not by me or anyone in my department. And expressing “regret” without actually saying sorry. “We regret the deaths that occurred” - where by “occurred”, the speaker means “were caused by the bombs we planted”. It’s funny how the apology **Mayo Speaks!** mentions is so obviously the most sincere and effective one, yet how bloody difficult people - even slick, polished politicians - find it to do. ---
**Author:** ![According\_to\_Pliny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@According\_to\_Pliny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/According_to_Pliny)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-counts-when-making-a-headline-apology/382320/4 "2006-12-02T13:58:46Z")
The funny thing is that several of the most recent celeb apologies have had all the elements mentioned and yet are still rejected and derided by their critics. I suppose the actions simply speak louder than the words. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-counts-when-making-a-headline-apology/382320/5 "2006-12-02T16:15:05Z")
[I wrote a blog post on the subject](http://thejtrain.typepad.com/the_j_train/2006/08/apologizing_lik.html) a few months ago, describing four easy steps to apologizing like you mean it: > [@me](#): > > 1. State clearly what happened. It helps if the truth is your first story, and not just something you resort to when none of the bullshit will stick to the wall. (See Allen’s ridiculous “I was trying to say ‘mohawk’ and ‘caca’” excuse.) > > 2. State clearly that what happened was wrong, and that you are responsible for it. Don’t point out anyone else’s culpability; now is not the time. > > 3. Apologize, clearly and unambiguously, for the entire act. If there are parts of it you aren’t sorry about, say so, but don’t then act like you’ve apologized for everything. Note that the following statements are not, in fact, apologies: > > 4. Shut the fuck up. If you want to explain what you’re going to do to make things right, that’s can be OK, but just like a magic trick should end on the effect and a joke should end on the punchline, an apology is probably going to be more effective if it ends on the actual apology. Whatever you do, don’t use this opportunity to start calling out your critics or accusing them of making a mountain out of a molehill.