# What criminal mischeif do you daydream about? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 17, 2004, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204 "2004-08-17T04:41:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/21 "2004-08-18T02:41:20Z")
> [@SamIAm336](#): > > OK, I know this isin’t exactly criminal, but once in awhile I get this evil urge to rearrange desks (just the stuff on top of the desk). I work late, so no one ever knows who did it. Drives people bonkers, but does no harm. Many years ago, I actually knew a group of young people who liked to go “creepy-crawling,” which was finding a way into someone’s house when they weren’t home and rearranging their _furniture_. No theft, no vandalism. Just rearranging the furniture. When I was a kid I found that whole concept _hilarious_ == not so much now. I think at the time I thought the owners would be simply confused. More likely terrified. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/22 "2004-08-18T03:42:21Z")
> [@moes lotion](#): > > I live on a street where most of the houses do not have driveways - those of us with cars but no driveways must pay a yearly fee for on-street parking permits. For the most part, my fellow residents are pretty good about trying to park so as to allow the greatest number of cars to fit in the available spaces, but every now and again someone will put their car smack dab in the middle of a space that could have fit two cars. I have often fantasized about having a fork-lift that I would use to re-position these cars to free up the wasted space (or even to move the offending car to the next block.) The main hitch to this is figuring out where to park the fork-lift when I’m not using it, You don’t even need a forklift for smaller cars. Five or six guys can easily pick up the front end of most smaller cars enough to turn it into any position. I suggest putting the front end straight out into the street. That will confuse the crap out of them, send the message home, and free up a parking space. My friends and I did this a few times in high school. We also used to get more people and pick teachers’ cars up completely and move them into strange positions. Oh the teenage years. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/23 "2004-08-18T04:19:29Z")
> [@SamIAm336](#): > > OK, I know this isin’t exactly criminal, but once in awhile I get this evil urge to rearrange desks (just the stuff on top of the desk). **I work late** , so no one ever knows who did it. Drives people bonkers, but does no harm. They know, they Knooooow. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/24 "2004-08-18T06:07:45Z")
One of my favorite criminal fantasies involves a certain former workplace filled with many thousands of dollars worth of parts and equipment. I like to imagine sneaking in there at night with chemicals that foam up to many times their volume when mixed together and then becomes hard. I like to imagine filling the entire building with this foam, picturing it seeping into all the machines, all the assemblies being built, the thousands of parts and even all the paperwork belonging to the company. I like to imagine the owners having to tell their customers that their products are inaccessable and likely ruined, as is their business. Heck, they can’t even get into the building! Of course, I don’t have access to the type and amount of chemicals I would need to accomplish this, nor would I do it in real life, but imagining it is quite cathartic for me. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/25 "2004-08-18T12:30:08Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > I want a small, portable, directable electromagnetic pulse generator. That way, when some brainstem drives by with their bass thumping loudly enough to rattle the cup on my desk, I can shoot an EMP at them and fry their expensive, stupid stereo system and all the other electronic devices in their car. OOOHHHHH…where can I get this? And what is the “chance of getting caught” factor? ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/26 "2004-08-18T14:34:42Z")
There’s a mall near my place that has an ATM machine set up in the main concourse directly opposite an entrance. I’ve sat on a bench by the ATM, thinking about how I could drive a truck through the doors, chain the ATM to the back of the truck, and then drive off with it before the police could respond to any alarms. At another mall, a second-level bench overlooks a first-level ATM, giving anyone who cares to look a clear view of the number pad people use to punch in their PINs. I’ve developed a plan whereby one person on the second level notes PINs and a partner on the first level steals wallets. My sister lives in a really nice end of town - big houses, manicured lawns and all that - and I noticed some kids had set up a combination lemonade stand/yard sale on the sidewalk in front of their house. The “yard sale” items were rocks (these were _really young_ kids who probably didn’t really grasp the concept.) I mentioned to my daughter as we drove by how funny it would be to buy a handful of rocks from the kids and then _throw them through the windows of their house_. We laughed like idiots while my wife just shook her head and called me a sick bastard. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/27 "2004-08-18T22:47:06Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > It’s pretty far from just mischief, but my idle musings include thinking about how, if I had al-Qaeda’s resources, it would be incredibly easy to bring my hometown (Seattle) to its economic knees and utterly destroy its ability to function for at least a decade with three and maybe four well-placed truck bombs. When I lived in Seattle (lo, those many years ago), two girls decided to kayak topless next to the Lake Washington bridge. Seattle traffic came to a standstill. So, you don’t really need 4 well placed bombs; just 4 well placed boobs will do it :). (I can’t remember if there are more than one L. Wash bridge… it’s been a long time) ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/28 "2004-08-18T23:03:21Z")
I’ve always wanted to go to a huge movie opening, something everyone is looking forward to: Star Wars Ep 3, Spider-man 2, LOTR, that sort. Take a laser pointer and add my own effects. Zip in my own lasers, trace nipples and penises, scribble on the faces during meaningful scenes, etc. Do my best to ruin the movie that people have been waiting months to see. In my imagination, no one would be able to tell where the source of the laser pointer was coming from. ---
**Author:** ![\_xiao\_wenti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b782af/32.png) [@\_xiao\_wenti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_xiao_wenti)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/29 "2004-08-18T23:10:40Z")
We have a particularly obnoxious north african graduate student. He was going to leave the US and go to Canada for a conference. My fanasy was to stick some uranium in his luggage lining. I figure he’d get to the great white north, but get caught at the border and sent to sunny Cuba for a few years. Sigh. It’s mean and vindictive, but it was a pleasant thought. ---
**Author:** ![Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2004, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/30 "2004-08-19T03:39:13Z")
I’d like to be a grafitti artist. Do big murals on the sides of abandoned buildings, leave cryptic little symbols on lamp posts, things like that. ---
**Author:** ![Sinshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Sinshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinshine)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2004, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/31 "2004-08-19T06:26:10Z")
Not so fond of the daily commute. Often entertain myself by imagining myself blessed with **Bruce Almighty’s** ability to clear a path through traffic. My brother, however, had the mostest brilliant thought: traffic bombs. You lob one at Stupid Driver (who has just double parked in rush hour, who is trying for the third time to parallel park in an impossible spot, or who has just endangered your life and limb by his monumental idiocy) which instantly obliterates both Stupid Driver and all dangerous shrapnel from the explosion, thereby safely removing the impediment to traffic (for those remaining Not-so-Stupid Drivers) and giving you some much-deserved satisfaction. And my mother’s contribution to the cause, which I now most certainly deserve: electric shock therapy embedded into whichever electronic medium you might be using to communicate, which triggers at the first logical breaking point of an otherwise hopelessly long run-on sentence. I might suggest further applications to cure spelling issues, but I must go off to my corner and twitch now. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2004, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/32 "2004-08-19T06:50:58Z")
I want to vandalize signs. For instance, outside some appliance repair store, there was this big yellow banner with black letters that said “PRAY FOR OUR PRESIDENT.” God, the fantasies I had about defacing that puppy. I even had a plan for doing it, but it would be too embarrassing (not to mention career-killing) to get caught. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2004, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/33 "2004-08-19T07:26:15Z")
> [@Rubystreak](#): > > I want to vandalize signs. Heh. There’s a sign by the nearest ALRT station to me that says:[ul][li]No Skateboarding[_]No Roller-blading[_]No Scootering[/ul]I have idly entertained thoughts of making a stencil to add one more prohibition:[ul][\*]No Awkward Back-formations[/ul]There’s room on the sign for it.[/li] Seriously, though-- “Scootering?” What the hell? ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2004, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/34 "2004-08-19T08:19:02Z")
I was actually wondering last night why, if 10 year old kids can hack into highly classified, highly protected government systems, no-one has ever hacked into a television broadcast, during a major event like the Olympics or Superbowl. If I could do that I would have a whole “War of the Worlds” scenario all planned. Nothing like mass hysteria for a practical joke. 🙂 But of course I’m not a computer genius so all I can do is break in and streak. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/35 "2004-08-20T01:32:22Z")
I’ve always wanted to shoot out the tires of people who cut me off, aren’t paying attention or otherwise displease me. Oh yea, that’d be awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/36 "2004-08-20T01:37:41Z")
I often imagine being back in time, maybe a few hundred years ago, and using my knowledge aquired at the end of the 20th century and beginning of the 21st to get myself out of awkward situations and get myself _into_ good ones using methods that are not entirely legal at the time. ---
**Author:** ![dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dreamer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/37 "2004-08-20T02:03:43Z")
> [@jnglmassiv](#): > > I’ve always wanted to shoot out the tires of people who cut me off, aren’t paying attention or otherwise displease me. Oh yea, that’d be awesome. My SO had this great idea of getting some kind of “bird poop shooter” that you could attach to the back of your car. It would only shoot a few drops at a time but enough to get your point accross 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/38 "2004-08-20T08:03:30Z")
> [@jnglmassiv](#): > > I’ve always wanted to shoot out the tires of people who cut me off, aren’t paying attention or otherwise displease me. Oh yea, that’d be awesome. Today’s strip of ‘Monty’ had Monty falling asleep in gridlock and reaming some disgruntled police officer would smash the hoods of cars who ‘cheated’ traffic by driving on the shoulder. Sounds close enough 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/39 "2004-08-20T22:18:02Z")
There’s a huge granite mountain just outside Atlanta called Stone Mountain. It’s clearly visible from many miles away if you can get the damn pine trees out of your way. My daydream involves using advanced nanotech to carve it into a very explicit rendering of a man and woman doing it doggie style, overnight. Next day as the kids are being taken to school: What are the giant man and woman doing, mommy? They’ re um … oh … oh my god! They’re what? They’re wrestling, son. Wrestling. Of course no one would have the tech to quickly and easily undo what I have done, so it is a very long time before someone builds a giant sheet to drape over them. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204/40 "2004-08-21T00:33:13Z")
I’ve always wanted to steal something. Something big. Rob a bank, steal a jewel. Not necessarily to keep, just to see if I could get away with it. When I was a kid there was a TV show called “It Takes a Thief”, starring a young Robert Wanger and Fred Astaire. I wanted to be Robert Wagner. There was also a movie called “The Doberman Gnag”, where this group of thieves taught a group of dobies to react to whistled commands and sent them to rob a bank. That would be so cool! StG [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-criminal-mischeif-do-you-daydream-about/260204.md?page=3)