# What deity is the best for making human sacrifices too? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 10, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293 "2010-09-10T14:52:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/1 "2010-09-10T14:52:34Z")
…you know, to get the best return on your sacrifice investment? Be it for power, good weather, swag, or whatever? And no, I don’t need an answer fast. But I would like to get an idea, in case I ever conquer some place that I don’t like. **Huitzilopochtli** , Aztec sun god seems an obvious choice, but that’s because of the claim that if he doesn’t get sacrificial nourishment, the world will end. Since the world hasn’t ended since his hayday, this makes me a little suspicious of the claims. So, does anyone with a better knowledge of mythology, theology, or human resources have any thoughts? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/2 "2010-09-10T15:31:08Z")
Maybe a poll with a list of options (and perhaps a backstory on each) would get more useful replies. I couldn’t name you more than one or two and I have no idea about spellings and such. If it matters at all, and I can’t see how it would, I had the thought just yesterday to ask why those parts of the world with the most beautiful scenery and living conditions seem to be the breeding grounds for the most extreme cultures and religions. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/3 "2010-09-10T15:32:02Z")
Kali or Ba’al spring to mind. Not so much that they require it but that we seem to like thinking they do. ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/4 "2010-09-10T15:36:38Z")
[http://www.godchecker.com/](http://www.godchecker.com/) I enjoy this site a lot! ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/5 "2010-09-10T15:41:26Z")
I’m partial to Moloch, since there are some brats in my store I wouldn’t mind sacrificing. (slight hijack: I once offered to sacrifice my cat to the Hockey Gods for a goal, does that count?) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/6 "2010-09-10T16:19:12Z")
Not the whole human, but a few brain cells sacrificed to [me](http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/greek-mythology.php?deity=SILENUS) on a Friday night will always be rewarded. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/7 "2010-09-11T04:57:44Z")
I’m thinking Satan. Unlike most gods, he’s very open about his willingness to negotiate specific rewards for acts of worship offered to him. And no handshake deals - he’s willing to put it in writing. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/8 "2010-09-11T05:25:30Z")
A group of Jehovah’s Witnesses kept coming by. They were targeting me b/c I am deaf. (they have a very active Deaf ministry) The next time they stopped by, I called for my girl. I turned to her, and gave her a wet smootchy kiss on the mouth, and asked her " What do you think honey? Should we sacrifice them to the Great Goddess Lesbos?" ---
**Author:** ![dzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzero)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/9 "2010-09-11T06:55:35Z")
Do you care only about promised rewards or would you be expecting some follow through? If the latter, they will all break your heart. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/10 "2010-09-11T09:03:48Z")
> [@dogbutler](#): > > I’m partial to Moloch, since there are some brats in my store I wouldn’t mind sacrificing. (slight hijack: I once offered to sacrifice my cat to the Hockey Gods for a goal, does that count?) _Then the Spirit of Yahweh came on Jephthah, and he passed over Gilead and Manasseh, and passed over Mizpeh of Gilead, and from Mizpeh of Gilead he passed over to the children of Ammon. Jephthah vowed a vow to Yahweh, and said, “If you will indeed deliver the children of Ammon into my hand, then it shall be, that whatever comes forth from the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, **it shall be Yahweh’s, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering**.”_ Moloch wasn’t the only one who liked some crispy baby. (Or, more likely, the “burnt offering” ritual that was shared in the region was something like passing a baby from one person to another over a fire very quickly so that no one is hurt.) ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/11 "2010-09-11T10:56:41Z")
> [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](#): > > A group of Jehovah’s Witnesses kept coming by. They were targeting me b/c I am deaf. (they have a very active Deaf ministry) The next time they stopped by, I called for my girl. I turned to her, and gave her a wet smootchy kiss on the mouth, and asked her " What do you think honey? Should we sacrifice them to the Great Goddess Lesbos?" Lesbos is an island, not a Goddess. You are probably thinking of Hermaphrodite/Hermaphroditus. > **[HERMAPHRODITUS - the Greek God/dess of Marriage 💍 (Greek mythology)](https://www.godchecker.com/greek-mythology/HERMAPHRODITUS/)** > > Godchecker guide to Hermaphroditus (also known as Hermaphroditos), the Greek God/dess of Marriage 💍 from Greek mythology. His and hers God of Hermaphrodites ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/12 "2010-09-11T14:16:34Z")
Catbert. Definitely Catbert. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/13 "2010-09-11T14:36:59Z")
Cthulhu! You get eaten first when he arises and destroys the world, and don’t have watch the rest of the world be destroyed! Can’t beat an offer like that! ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/14 "2010-09-11T16:55:15Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > (Or, more likely, the “burnt offering” ritual that was shared in the region was something like passing a baby from one person to another over a fire very quickly so that no one is hurt.) Why would you think that? I mean, what’s your evidence that child sacrifice wasn’t child sacrifice? And I think you’re missing the point of the story of Jephthah. The story doesn’t support your interpretation. If Jephthah is just going to pass his daughter over a fire quickly so that she won’t be hurt, he wouldn’t tear his clothes in grief and tell her that it makes him miserable, and she wouldn’t ask need to go up in the hills and weep for her virginity and that she would never have children. The story is about a man who makes a rash vow and then suffers for it. ---
**Author:** ![Yonose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/c67d28/32.png) [@Yonose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yonose)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/15 "2010-09-11T17:49:11Z")
The Almighty Dollar ---
**Author:** ![milquetoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/258eb7/32.png) [@milquetoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milquetoast)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/16 "2010-09-12T01:07:46Z")
**What deity is the best for making human sacrifices too?** Nothing personal **Ranchoth** , but this is the god to[del]o[/del] which I would sacrifice you: [Don’t end a sentence with a failed attempt at a proposition](http://www.professorhobo.com/2010/02/19/press-start). All in jest. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/17 "2010-09-12T01:17:03Z")
> [@otternell](#): > > [http://www.godchecker.com/](http://www.godchecker.com/) > I enjoy this site a lot! That was fun, and I have passed it on. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/18 "2010-09-12T01:21:49Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > And I think you’re missing the point of the story of Jephthah. The story doesn’t support your interpretation. If Jephthah is just going to pass his daughter over a fire quickly so that she won’t be hurt, he wouldn’t tear his clothes in grief and tell her that it makes him miserable, and she wouldn’t ask need to go up in the hills and weep for her virginity and that she would never have children. > > The story is about a man who makes a rash vow and then suffers for it. How do you burn someone so they lose their virginity and can’t have kids? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/19 "2010-09-12T01:43:55Z")
> [@milquetoast](#): > > **What deity is the best for making human sacrifices too?** > Nothing personal **Ranchoth** , but this is the god to[del]o[/del] which I would sacrifice you: [Don’t end a sentence with a failed attempt at a proposition](http://www.professorhobo.com/2010/02/19/press-start). > > All in jest. 🙂 Gods, don’t I know it…the typo was bad enough, and I didn’t even notice it 'til like a day after I posted. 'Can’t _even_ explain it. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293/20 "2010-09-12T02:24:58Z")
Flagaboo The Muddy One. He deserves sacrifice for farting the universe from his sandy rectum. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-deity-is-the-best-for-making-human-sacrifices-too/553293.md?page=2)