# What did this woman think I was doing? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 25, 2008, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475 "2008-10-25T03:58:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/21 "2008-10-26T03:03:39Z")
> [@Pyper](#): > > However, I can only conclude that we are experiencing a cultural disconnect when it comes to strange people in the neighborhood. I live in the city of Los Angeles, and I see unfamiliar people in my neighborhood every day. I even see unfamiliar people inside my small apartment complex frequently. I’m not bothered unless they are acting threatening (which they never are). > > The neighborhood where the kid lives is several square miles of houses. There is NO WAY this lady could know I was not from this neighborhood. There is no way she could know I wasn’t from one street over. I can understand (but not sympathize with) an attitude that makes you fearful of people doing unusual things, but the neighborhood comment? Weird. You might consider the " neighborhood" to be several square miles, but chances are that the lady does not, at least not in this context. I live in NYC. My zip code and the neighborhood name might cover a couple of square miles, and I certainly wouldn’t know if you were from a street a mile away. You also wouldn’t be walking down my street if you lived a mile away.You’d have no reason to. I would, however know you, at least by sight if you lived on the next street or one block down on my street. If I saw someone walking down my street with a clipboard, I’d figure they were selling security systems or getting signatures for a politician. If I saw the same person about once a week, I’d wonder what they were doing. And when my diverse neighbors got together to speculate, I’m sure someone would say something like " Does anyone know what this person is doing in the neighborhood?" They wouldn’t mean the couple of square miles “neighborhood”. They would mean something much smaller,like a couple of blocks in each direction. And I guarantee at least one would ask- not out of fear or racism , but because some people just always need to know what’s going on. Why is a telephone company truck on the block, why are the sewer repairs being done this way instead of that way - they always want to know. ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/22 "2008-10-26T03:19:24Z")
Since we’re telling anecdotes, and I’ve had a couple of bottles of wine: A few years ago, one Sunday night in Tokyo, a friend and I had had a few drinks in a bar. It being only midnight when the place closed, and us far from finished our conversation, we resolved to find a new place to continue. Admittedly somewhat lost, we began walking toward what we thought was the local entertainment district. Shortly after we began our sojourn, however, we began to suspect that we were not going in the correct direction. Moments after we walked over to a consult neighbourhood map, two police officers rode up on bicycles to confront us. They asked us where we were going, and what we thought we were doing there at that time of night (~12:15 PM). It appears that we were headed into a residential area, and the police were concerned that I didn’t appear to belong there (my companion was Japanese, and therefore of no concern). What bothered me most about the situation was that I actually lived very close by, in a virtually identical neighbourhood. Unhelpfully, my friend got very irate, and began vituperating the two officers about picking on _gaijin_. I ended up having to apologize to them as I dragged him bodily away from them (all the while having visions of getting deported from the country). What this has to do with the OP, I’m not really sure. But, I’m happy to have the opportunity (however tenuous the connection) to relate it. ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/23 "2008-10-26T03:27:28Z")
> [@Pyper](#): > > The neighborhood where the kid lives is several square miles of houses. There is NO WAY this lady could know I was not from this neighborhood. There is no way she could know I wasn’t from one street over. I think that you underestimate the social network of a (suburban?) neighborhood, even these mobile-population, television-in-air-conditioned-comfort-at-night days. I live in a neighborhood that could be described as you did above, and as I mentioned, most of the people who live on my street absolutely know who lives around here within a few to several blocks radius. Even we, anti-social as we are, know who lives on our very long block, know which kids will come to our house to sell Girl Scout cookies and Boy Scout popcorn, know which kids typically play basketball in the street in front of the brown house at the bottom of the hill, etc. I know everyone in a two block radius who also owns a dog, because I pass them all of the time, and the chatty older biker lady across the street with the female dogs keeps me up to date about the ones whose schedules don’t mesh with mine. In a neighborhood that is only closely packed houses, without any real shopping opportunities available without getting into a car, is actually much more insular than the average rural street, and hugely more insular than even the smallest city street. I don’t really get anybody frequently wandering by my house who doesn’t live on my block, or who isn’t: a. walking their dogs, b. kids coming to play with their friends, or c. roving bands of bored teenagers. And I recognize all of those. I’m only a couple of blocks away from these places, but there’s simply no reason to come down my street to get to the park, elementary school, lake, or convenience store. There are better routes to all of those even if you live up the next hill over, and there’s nowhere else to go. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/24 "2008-10-26T03:38:02Z")
> [@Pyper](#): > > “Oh no, you’re not! You’re certainly not from THIS neighborhood!” _“Oh Really!?”_ (Scribbles furiously on clipboard. Walks off frequently looking back at nutjob…) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/25 "2008-10-26T04:13:08Z")
> [@Pyper](#): > > However, I can only conclude that we are experiencing a cultural disconnect when it comes to strange people in the neighborhood. I live in the city of Los Angeles, and I see unfamiliar people in my neighborhood every day. I even see unfamiliar people inside my small apartment complex frequently. I’m not bothered unless they are acting threatening (which they never are). > > The neighborhood where the kid lives is several square miles of houses. There is NO WAY this lady could know I was not from this neighborhood. There is no way she could know I wasn’t from one street over. I can understand (but not sympathize with) an attitude that makes you fearful of people doing unusual things, but the neighborhood comment? Weird. I don’t know about a cultural disconnect but surely a lifestyle one. When I lived in an apartment complex in a big city, there’s no way that I could know or care about people doing strange things (unless they were VERY strange, which never happened). Living in an apartment is too transient, there are too many people and no one makes an investment into the community for that reason. I’m not actually fearful of people doing unusual things, especially not of people with clipboards with a little kid in tow. But if they don’t belong in my community, they shouldn’t be there. Living in an apartment and living in a community are different things. And just living in a house doesn’t make it a community either. I don’t think it’s possible for you to know if the woman that spoke with you lives in a community or not. Living in a place with lots of houses doesn’t say anything about the community. I’m also uncertain how you could know that there’s no way that this woman could know that you don’t live in the neighborhood. But I would think that she’s assuming that if you did live on the next street over, you’d explain that. > [@Lavender\_Falcon](#): > > I admit I sometimes walked around my living room naked hoping she’d get an eyefull, which likely would have perturbed her. It was nice of you to provide her with her laugh for the day. 😉 It reminds me of the episode on “Friends” where they rig up a long stick to poke the fat naked guy in the next building over. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/26 "2008-10-26T04:31:51Z")
Casing the neightborhood Performing some bizarre experiments on the child Using the child as a lure for something or someone. Testing cell phone receptiion Spying on her. Selling drugs Buying Drugs Selling Children Buying children You are an alien obrserving human behavior Pick one ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/27 "2008-10-26T05:39:41Z")
I don’t know at what time you would usually be passing by. Supposing it’s something like 10 AM or 1 PM (when many are at work), you may be dealing with a woman who is at home with not enough to do. She notices all the minutiae in the neighborhood, can tell her neighbors more about themselves than they know about themselves, watches too much TV, and is just aching for a conspiracy to happen in her own backyard. ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/28 "2008-10-26T06:07:39Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > But if they don’t belong in my community, they shouldn’t be there. And who’s to decide who “doesn’t belong?” You? If it’s public property, why is it any of your business, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/29 "2008-10-26T12:16:49Z")
> [@](#): > > But if they don’t belong in my community, they shouldn’t be there. Seriously, what a bizarre thing to say. Nobody goes for a walk in your universe? Once in a while I cross a slightly large main street to go jog up the residential streets on the other side, for the sake of variety. I always wonder if there’s some busybody, terminally-scared person getting ready to call the cops on me, because “they shouldn’t be there,” although I live approximate one eighth of a mile away. You’re only confirming my dread that there probably is. How must it be for people who look like they might be Arab or Mexican. What a country. ---
**Author:** ![Lavender\_Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b782af/32.png) [@Lavender\_Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lavender_Falcon)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/30 "2008-10-26T12:41:11Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > It was nice of you to provide her with her laugh for the day. 😉 I figure if you’re going to be fodder for discussion, it should at least be interesting discussion. Prior to that, all she had to talk about was whether my car was in the driveway or the garage, the pipe the city had left poking out of the front lawn years before I lived here, or the fact that she’d come into my yard when I wasn’t home to look at the price tag on some fencing I’d bought. I was performing a valuable service by exposing her to the truly intimate details of my life. 😉 In all seriousness, though, the woman was nuts. When I was new to the neighborhood, her husband had a heart attack. She came to my door to tell me he was in the hospital, and I gave her my phone number in case she needed help with anything. Instead, she started harassing me by phone. If I didn’t answer, she’d call back repeatedly until I did. Then she’d talk my ear off for an hour about how much ice she’d chipped off her driveway. I took to parking my car in the garage so she wouldn’t know when I was home. This elicited bitter complaints that she didn’t know my whereabouts. I figured that at least there was someone keeping an eye on things so if there was ever a need to call the authorities, she would. Nope. I once became so ill that I didn’t leave my house for three months. When she finally saw me, she asked why I hadn’t left the house. I told her I was on the verge of losing my job and my home, and all she said was “Oh” then proceeded to whine and bellyache about who knows what trivial complaint. For all she knew, I was lying on the floor injured and unable to summon help, and that was fine by her. She was all the gossip and pettiness with none of the good things about community. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/31 "2008-10-26T14:14:47Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > But if they don’t belong in my community, they shouldn’t be there. Why the hell not? Who are you to say where people should and shouldn’t be? If you want to live in a gated community with privately-constructed roads to keep people out, go for it. But assuming you live in a neighborhood with public streets and sidewalks, anybody has any right to be there, as long as they’re not making a nuisance of themsleves. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/32 "2008-10-26T16:32:51Z")
Huh. Who knew that people would get up in arms about a single sentence? I didn’t even mean it to be controversial. > [@neutron\_star](#): > > And who’s to decide who “doesn’t belong?” You? Uh. . . yeah. Since it’s _my_ community, it would be hard for anyone else to decide who belongs in _my_ community. I suspect you were asking a different question, but it’s very vague. > [@neutron\_star](#): > > If it’s public property, why is it any of your business, anyway? Surely you don’t mean that _everything_ that happens in a public street is no one’s business. I’ll give an outrageous example to show that some things are. If someone were raped in a public street, it would be other peoples’ business (but not legal duty) to try to help. A long time ago, there was a woman that was raped on a public sidewalk while a large number of people watched from their apartment building and did nothing. Unless you’re one of those people, you too believe that _some_ things that happen on public property is your business. Getting back closer to the OP, there’s something happening on public property that is unknown. Another example. What if two people were sitting in their car in a residential area for 5-7 hours? Is it anyone’s business that they’re there? As to the OP, there’s not enough facts to know whether it would merit more attention. > [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](#): > > Once in a while I cross a slightly large main street to go jog up the residential streets on the other side, for the sake of variety. I always wonder if there’s some busybody, **terminally-scared** person getting ready to call the cops on me, because “they shouldn’t be there,” although I live approximate one eighth of a mile away. > > You’re only confirming my \*\*dread \*\*that there probably is. How must it be for people who look like they might be Arab or Mexican. What a country. bold added Wow, lots of fear there on both sides. If someone stopped you, you could easily tell them that you live close by and are going jogging. Issue solved. I’m not sure what the race issue has to do with anything. If you were jogging through a predominantly Arab or Mexican community or a sufficiently diverse community, they might not think anything at all. I live in a very diverse community, so this wouldn’t have any effect where I live. > [@Lavender\_Falcon](#): > > She was all the gossip and pettiness with none of the good things about community. What a tragic story! I’m sorry to hear it. > [@burundi](#): > > Why the hell not? Because they don’t have business being there. I thought it was self-explanatory in context. I guess not. > [@burundi](#): > > Who are you to say where people should and shouldn’t be? I’m the person that lives in the community. > [@burundi](#): > > If you want to live in a gated community with privately-constructed roads to keep people out, go for it. But assuming you live in a neighborhood with public streets and sidewalks, anybody has any right to be there, **as long as they’re not making a nuisance of themsleves**. bold added Exactly. . . “as long as they’re not making a nuisance of themselves”. . . those are the operative words. Once I go outside to talk to someone about what they’re doing in my neighborhood and don’t get a satisfactory answer, they’re now making a nuisance of themselves. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/33 "2008-10-26T16:41:27Z")
> [@Pyper](#): > > Yet, I am still baffled. What did this woman think I was doing walking by with a clipboard and a toddler? The “you’re not from THIS neighborhood” almost sounds like a racial comment. However, although nanny is Hispanic and kid is dark-skinned Asian/Caucasian, I am white, and the comments were clearly directed at me and my nefarious clipboard. Any insights as to what sort of insidious purpose she thought I might be up to? Probably that you’re an agent of the secret Obama post-election racial integration program, in which gay Kenyan toddlers will be assigned to your neighborhood to achieve integration and keep an eye on the whites, supplanting white children who will serve as slaves in an Indonesian dildo factory where they’ll be nourished by farm-grown aborted caucasian fetuses and indoctrinated by radical Islamists to wage jihad against real Americans. This is actually true. I read it on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![AngryIrishLass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bbce88/32.png) [@AngryIrishLass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngryIrishLass)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/34 "2008-10-26T17:00:35Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > Once I go outside to talk to someone about what they’re doing in my neighborhood and don’t get a satisfactory answer, they’re now making a nuisance of themselves. Under what authority are they required to answer? How do you know it’s not ‘their’ neighborhood as well? \*\*Pyper \*\* \*was \*a part of the neighborhood seeing as he was close enough to walk there with a 3 year old in tow. The OP said he was taking a walk. Busybody didn’t like the level of detail provided, and that makes OP a nuisance? How much detail need he provide before he’s not deemed a nuisance? ---
**Author:** ![hawksgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@hawksgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawksgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/35 "2008-10-26T17:04:20Z")
I would say that harassing and interrogating people who happen to be walking on your street makes one a nuisance. ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/36 "2008-10-26T17:16:40Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > Huh. Who knew that people would get up in arms about a single sentence? I didn’t even mean it to be controversial. > > Because they don’t have business being there. I thought it was self-explanatory in context. I guess not. > Exactly. . . “as long as they’re not making a nuisance of themselves”. . . those are the operative words. > > Once I go outside to talk to someone about what they’re doing in my neighborhood and don’t get a satisfactory answer, they’re now making a nuisance of themselves. I guess we’re going to have to agree that you and I have a different view of the world. In my world, someone walking down the street is not making a nuisance of themselves. People are free to do as they like as long as they are not posing a danger to themselves or others. Neighborhoods are not barred and gated fortresses, accessible only to the residents. And I’d also like to mention to everybody that I am a female in her 20’s. (I’ve seen a few “he” comments above.) So all of you who have been envisioning a man, now picture a young woman walking with a toddler every day through your neighborhood and consider how threatening that is. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/37 "2008-10-26T18:34:03Z")
> [@](#): > > Since it’s _my_ community, it would be hard for anyone else to decide who belongs in _my_ community. Talk about wow. You’re the self-appointed headmistress of your community? The public streets are your domain and anybody walking on them must answer to you? You know who you sound like? Meghan McCain saying “Nobody else knows what sacrifice is, except my family.” ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/38 "2008-10-26T19:39:31Z")
I understand you have very legitimate confidentiality issues. On the other hand, if she or some other concerned citizen escalates the situation, that might be more of a pain for all involved. Can you say something like “I’m a healthcare provider. Here’s my card if you have concerns.”? ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/39 "2008-10-26T19:46:43Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > I understand you have very legitimate confidentiality issues. On the other hand, if she or some other concerned citizen escalates the situation, that might be more of a pain for all involved. Can you say something like “I’m a healthcare provider. Here’s my card if you have concerns.”? I’m sure not about the wording “healthcare provider” as far as confidentiality. (It would imply something being wrong with the child.) The thing about a card (other than the fact I don’t have one) would be that it would state what company I am with and then, obviously, confidentiality is out the window. The thing is, the family has told the neighbors that they are friendly with who I am and what I am doing. When I see those people, they greet me and the child in a friendly manner. Obviously, the family chose not to tell this woman about the child’s situation, whether because they don’t like her or just don’t know her well. So it’s not like we’re about to have a neighborhood uprising because of this. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475/40 "2008-10-26T20:00:58Z")
Yeah, the privacy laws are complex. On the other hand, we’re not making ambulances into unmarked vehicles driven by plainclothes EMTs–sometimes it’s obvious that person A is receving healthcare from provider B, without knowing the details. Obviously if your employer is something like “Autism Services” the card wouldn’t work. I was picturing more like working out of a hospital or general rehabilitative services practice. It does strike me as kind of odd not to be able to identify yourself professionally in public if you work in a public place. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-this-woman-think-i-was-doing/469475.md?page=3)