# What did you do with the ashes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 31, 2023, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873 "2023-07-31T15:00:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/61 "2023-08-01T12:15:57Z")
Now that is genius ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/62 "2023-08-01T12:35:18Z")
> [@Keith1](#): > > I can’t just flush them. This was a plot point in Captain Fantastic: > **[Captain Fantastic (film)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Fantastic_(film))** > > Captain Fantastic is a 2016 American comedy-drama film written and directed by Matt Ross and starring Viggo Mortensen, Frank Langella, Kathryn Hahn, and Steve Zahn. The story centers on a family forced by circumstances to reintegrate into society after living in isolation for a decade. > The film had its world premiere at the Sundance Film Festival on January 23, 2016. It was screened in the Un Certain Regard section at the 2016 Cannes Film Festival. It was theatrically released on July 8, 2016,... For anyone contemplating traveling by air to scatter ashes somewhere far from home, check in advance to ensure you’ll be able to enter the airport and board the plane: > **[Cremated Remains | Transportation Security Administration](https://www.tsa.gov/travel/security-screening/whatcanibring/items/cremated-remains)** > > We understand how painful losing a loved one is and we treat crematory remains with respect. Some airlines do not allow cremated remains in checked bags, so please check with your airline to learn more about possible restrictions. TL,DR: TSA doesn’t care about cremains in your carry-on luggage, but you need to have them in a container that X-rays can see through. Airlines may be more restrictive, e.g. **[Delta requires the cremains to be accompanied by a death certificate](https://www.delta.com/us/en/baggage/special-items/fragile-bulky-other-items)**. If you’re travelling internationally, make sure you know what to expect at both ends of your flight. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/63 "2023-08-01T14:04:17Z")
As an aside - is “cremains” an actual word? It doesn’t seem like a word. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/64 "2023-08-01T14:13:09Z")
My dad’s were interred (is that the right word?) At the veterans cemetery. Mom hasn’t said what she wants done with hers. She may assume they go in with dad and that’s fine. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/65 "2023-08-01T14:18:36Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > As an aside - is “cremains” an actual word? It doesn’t seem like a word. First known use in the late 40s (very likely used to describe some of the aftermath of the Holocaust). Not exactly a neologism anymore but not far off from one. And yes, it’s a portmanteau of cremate and remains ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/66 "2023-08-01T14:35:08Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > As an aside - is “cremains” an actual word? It doesn’t seem like a word. It’s not a word we use in the UK, in my experience. Hence my subject title referencing ‘ashes’. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/67 "2023-08-01T14:39:13Z")
> [@digs](#): > > And, as a “believer”, I’m of the position that when you’re dead, you’re dead, you move on, and that’s the end of it. > > For both schools of thought, a corpse is no longer a person. Neither is a pile of ash. They’re gone, gone, gone. > > So why all the hand-wringing about what to do with “Dear old Grandpa”? Um, Grampy’s outta here. You’re agonizing over a cup or so of carbon? Well, that’s all true, but we are human beings with feelings about dead people. And we attach memories and meaning to their belongings and what’s left of their bodies. Otherwise we wouldn’t bother with funerals. I’m not religious, I have no expectation that my Mum still resides in an urn in the funeral director’s warehouse, but it also doesn’t mean I want to throw Mum out on bin day. My parents are/were both atheist and my Dad is very clear that he doesn’t want a permanent memorial that we feel obliged to visit. So I’ve still got to decide what to do with Mum. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/68 "2023-08-01T14:42:47Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > It’s not a word we use in the UK, in my experience. Hence my subject title referencing ‘ashes’. Even here in the U.S., it seems to be more a technical term that’s primarily used by those in the funeral industry; most regular people here use “ashes,” too. ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/69 "2023-08-01T14:47:23Z")
I am so sorry for your loss, it’s such a hard thing to deal with. My mum died back in 2020, just before the pandemic so we were able to have the funeral she deserved. I’ve had her ashes with me ever since, at the moment they’re (mostly) in a box beside my desk at home. My dad died nearly 40 years ago and his ashes are buried in his parents’ grave in Kent. We were told at the time that the grave could only be opened once which meant mum’s ashes couldn’t go in there as well. i did take a bag of her ashes when I last visited Kent and popped some of her in with dad as that just seemed right to me. I also used a teaspoon of her ashes to have a pendant made. The rest? Well, I had intended to carry out her wishes and scatter the rest in Derbyshire but for some reason I just haven’t managed to do it yet. I’ll get round to it, one day. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/70 "2023-08-01T15:26:47Z")
I used “ashes” until i had to deal with the ashes of my parents. Then, enough people around me called them “cremains” that i started using the term. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/71 "2023-08-01T15:37:28Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > But peeps are actually buried there now, that feels kinda strange. You’ll be sorry when the Zombie Rising comes. My mother sprinkled my father’s ashes into the Mississippi Riven from a dock where they used to hang out when they dated as High Schoolers. No official permission or anything, she just did it quietly early one morning during a visit back to our family there. Her ashes (she died four decades after dad) we worked into the soil below a dogwood tree we planted in our backyard. Again, no official okay, we just did it. She’d always loved dogwoods, so we thought it appropriate as a sort of grave marker without an actual marker that might sort of freak out whoever eventually buys the property. Currently we have my elder brother’s ashes sitting on a bookcase, still in the package that was mailed from the cremation society. He’d never expressed any opinion on what he wanted done, and had no sentimental attachment to any particular place that we knew of, so we’re sort of stumped. Hubby once suggested we wrap the box nicely in ornamental paper and a bow and ‘accidentally’ leave it on the seat at a bus station or something. Yeah, no. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/72 "2023-08-01T17:05:15Z")
Nitpick about the cup of carbon. The carbon in the body burns away and what’s left is mostly dry calcium phosphates with some minor minerals. That basically comes from the bones. And there’s roughly 3 liters or so, rather than a cup. It also comes in chunks and shards and has to be ground to be even a little ash-like. Once they’re ground and packed into the “urn”, they’re **heavy**. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/73 "2023-08-01T17:30:54Z")
Betcha saw this coming: I’ve heard rumblings from the scientific community that dumping ashes in rivers, etc., raises the Ph and subsequently kills fish. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/74 "2023-08-01T17:32:19Z")
Ok. Chunks? TMI. Oh lord. Way too much info! ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/75 "2023-08-01T17:55:29Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Oh lord. Way too much info! Do not look for Japanese cremation traditions videos online. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/76 "2023-08-01T18:06:01Z")
Well, damn. Now I must. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/77 "2023-08-01T18:22:27Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Once they’re ground and packed into the “urn”, they’re **heavy**. I suppose this depends on your definition of heavy. Average weight of cremains is 5 pounds, but that of course depends on the size of the body. My dad’s body was donated to the University of Kansas medical school. When they were done with it, it was cremated and the ‘ashes’ shipped to me. The box, as I recall, was about 8" x 8" x 8". ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/78 "2023-08-01T18:28:54Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Well, damn. > Now I must. There are chopsticks involved. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/79 "2023-08-01T18:34:55Z")
A couple of comments: Dumping ashes into a river is likely illegal under existing “don’t pollute waterways” rules, regardless of how toxic the ashes actually are. Unless it’s a small river or a lot of people are dumping ashes, the ashes are unlikely to change the pH much, except very briefly and locally. But it’s probably a bad idea, in addition to being illegal. On the other hand, burying the ashes in your backyard, with or without planting a tree on top, is almost certainly legal. (You gave yourself permission, right?) And extra calcium is often good for your lawn and your tomato plants, and your apple trees. Maybe don’t bury the ashes right next to your blueberry bush, they like an acid soil. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/80 "2023-08-01T18:46:17Z")
When my older brother died, he wanted his ashes scattered on a tropical beach. My parents booked a cruise through several South Pacific islands. When the ship passed an island with a nude beach, they knew they had found the place. 😁 The ship’s people helped arrange for the ashes to be scattered a couple of miles offshore. When my younger brother’s wife died, they put her ashes into an urn carved from a piece of rock salt. They took a cruise in the Pacific and placed the (water soluble) urn into the ocean. There are a couple of companies that will take your ashes, mix them with gunpowder, and make fireworks out of them. Part of me thinks that would be horribly tacky. Part of me thinks it would be really cool. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873.md?page=5)