# What did you do with the ashes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 31, 2023, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873 "2023-07-31T15:00:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/81 "2023-08-01T18:48:29Z")
Oh lord. (_typing furiously…)_ ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/82 "2023-08-01T19:00:57Z")
You looked, didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![mjmartin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3d9bf3/32.png) [@mjmartin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mjmartin)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/83 "2023-08-01T19:02:49Z")
I’ve heard of a company that mixes the ashes with concrete to make a marine habitat. They then place it in an area that will attract mollusks and marine plants. They place several of these next to each other to make an artificial reef. It’s not cheap, but compared to a casket and burial, it’s not outrageous. I kind of like the idea of turning my remains into something that will be useful for a good long while. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/84 "2023-08-01T19:15:19Z")
Were you thinking of [Eternal Reefs](https://www.eternalreefs.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpLTGsZW8gAMVWBmtBh1o1AM5EAAYASAAEgJGrPD_BwE)? I keep trying to find a company that will add the ashes to mortar-style fireworks. So far I’ve only found them in the UK and I’m not willing to ship them that far. ---
**Author:** ![mjmartin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3d9bf3/32.png) [@mjmartin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mjmartin)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/85 "2023-08-01T19:18:00Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Were you thinking of [Eternal Reefs](https://www.eternalreefs.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpLTGsZW8gAMVWBmtBh1o1AM5EAAYASAAEgJGrPD_BwE)? That’s the company. I believe that I heard about them on this board about 10-15 years ago, and it has stuck with me as the perfect plan. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/86 "2023-08-01T19:40:44Z")
My late husband didn’t have a place he wanted his ashes scattered. He wanted them scattered behind us while riding a motorcycle, so we rode through the park and did that. My dad wanted his ashes scattered on top of his and my mom’s plot. Mom’s ashes were buried in the plot. I took a third of Dad’s ashes and sneakily spread them on the plot. I took another third and spread them at his golf club. The other third I took to the beach and let them fly there. He loved salt water fishing and golf, and Mom - not necessarily in that order! Just do it, and don’t worry about the “law.” Nobody will pay attention. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/87 "2023-08-01T20:17:55Z")
> [@mjmartin](#): > > I kind of like the idea of turning my remains into something that will be useful for a good long while. You could consider turning yourself into compost. > **[What Is Human Composting?](https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-human-composting)** > > Human composting is an eco-friendly alternative to traditional burials and cremation. Learn how it works, what the benefits are, and where it's legal. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/88 "2023-08-01T22:35:09Z")
This certainly isn’t cheap, but I love the idea and while I haven’t made up my own mind, I may well end up having this done with myself when my time comes. > **[Eternal Reefs » Living legacies that memorialize our loved ones](https://www.eternalreefs.com/)** > > Eternal Reefs combines a cremation urn, ash scattering, & green burial at sea into an environmental memorial while creating new marine habitats for sea life ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/89 "2023-08-01T22:41:28Z")
You’d have to deposit a LOT of human ashes to raise a river’s pH enough to kill fish. However, I have definitely heard that planting a tree over a full set of adult cremains will probably doom the tree. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/90 "2023-08-01T22:46:16Z")
YouTuber Kari the Mortician (yes, she has done videos with Caitlin Doughty) did that with her dog’s ashes. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/91 "2023-08-01T23:06:45Z")
Most of Dad’s ashes are now buried next to the spot where my stepmother’s ashes were buried, on the family plot in NJ. (She died of COVID in April 2020, so she didn’t have a choice about whether to be cremated or not…if she had ever regained consciousness enough to have anything to say in the matter, which she didn’t). Dad was not sentimental about his mortal remains; at one point in the last couple of weeks of his life, when he knew that his death was imminent, he asked me if I minded if he were cremated. (My response: “a. no, and b. not my decision to make.”) Somehow it didn’t occur to me that that meant I might be offered some of his ashes. I decided to take a little bit, purely because I wouldn’t be able to change my mind later, and they are now in a tiny urn in my nightstand. Maybe when we go to NJ in a few months for the unveiling of his headstone, we will take a small road trip to the former site of his parents’ family business in lovely downtown Trenton and scatter some ashes there, and then go for his favorite tomato pie. But nothing has been decided yet. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2023, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/92 "2023-08-02T11:10:25Z")
> [@digs](#): > > And, as a “believer”, I’m of the position that when you’re dead, you’re dead, you move on, and that’s the end of it. > > For both schools of thought, a corpse is no longer a person. Neither is a pile of ash. They’re gone, gone, gone. > > So why all the hand-wringing about what to do with “Dear old Grandpa”? Um, Grampy’s outta here. You’re agonizing over a cup or so of carbon? Logic says that it’s only logical that logic should triumph over emotions. OTOH, emotions just don’t give a flying fuck what logic says; emotions have other plans, and you can’t tell them different no matter how calmly and dispassionately you try to persuade them. Why all the hand-wringing? Because we’re human, and we _feel_. For many people, ashes and the thoughtful disposition of them are an important (often the _most_ important) memento of the person who died. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2023, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/93 "2023-08-02T14:37:14Z")
> [@Railer13](#): > > I suppose this depends on your definition of heavy. Average weight of cremains is 5 pounds, but that of course depends on the size of the body. I think it was an unconscious assumption regarding the word ‘ashes’. That is not what ashes feel like. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2023, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/94 "2023-08-02T14:52:21Z")
> [@Railer13](#): > > You could consider turning yourself into compost. I’ve read about this! Burying takes a lot of space and, if a person is embalmed, some noxious chemicals) and cremation has a huge carbon footprint. If it were available in my state, I’d be signing up now - as it is, Colorado isn’t that far away…hmmm. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2023, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/95 "2023-08-02T15:11:33Z")
> [@InternetLegend](#): > > If it were available in my state, I’d be signing up now I was just at a memorial service at an arboretum for a woman who passed away in Washington about six months ago. Her husband brought several bags of compost made from her remains, and the compost was spread around several trees and other plants at the site. I thought it was very cool. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2023, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/96 "2023-08-02T15:11:41Z")
> [@Railer13](#): > > You could consider turning yourself into compost. This sounds nice, my Mum loved gardening. Although the horse may have bolted in this instance, and she’s already cremated ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2023, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/97 "2023-08-02T15:27:56Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > I think it was an unconscious assumption regarding the word ‘ashes’. That is not what ashes feel like. Exactly. When my wife and I were dealing with the funeral home when my father-in-law was in hospice, and we were discussing the plans for what to do with the ashes, the funeral director noted to us that a lot of people have unrealistic expectations on the weight and texture of cremains, due to what they see in movies and TV. He explained, “don’t expect them to float in the air like ashes – they don’t do that. If you throw them up in the air, they will fall right back down on your head. They’re more like sand or concrete powder.” ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2023, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/98 "2023-08-02T15:58:41Z")
I was indeed surprised by the weight and volume of my dad’s cremains. When I hear “ashes” I think of what you scoop out of a fireplace. The thing with them blowing back at you does happen frequently, though. I believe it’s because so many of us choose dramatic landscapes like cliffs or waterfalls, and there’s generally a pretty good updraft going. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2023, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/99 "2023-08-02T19:06:19Z")
Think crushed bone. That’s going to give you a pretty realistic idea. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2023, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873/100 "2023-08-02T19:41:37Z")
I have 2 urns that contain my parent’s cremains. My mom’s is kind of flashy because she liked showy costume jewelry. My dad’s is plain silver because he was a man of simple tastes. Right now, they’re sitting on top of a curio cabinet and have been for about 3 years while I decide what to do with them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-did-you-do-with-the-ashes/987873.md?page=6)