# What do ADULT siblings fight over? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 4, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172 "2010-08-04T17:55:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/42 "2012-06-25T20:54:57Z")
Treatment of the elderly parents. Sisters thought I the golden child since I was only boy. Stupid petty shit. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/43 "2012-06-25T21:04:02Z")
We’re all too petty, spiteful and introverted to fight. We just all hate each other with a white-hot passion. Well, maybe it’s just me hating them. But you get the point. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/44 "2012-06-25T21:16:34Z")
Well, my brother is a conservative, and my sister is very religious. We don’t actually fight over it. But we disagree. We didn’t actually grow up together or I’m sure there would be much, much more. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/45 "2012-06-25T21:39:57Z")
Parents favoring one over the other. My uncle is the golden child. My grandparents do a shit load for him, in regards to loans that will never be repaid. His kids get most of the love. My aunt’s house is owned by my grandparents and for the longest time she wasn’t actually expected to pay rent. My mother, the oldest, has always gotten the least from her parents. I refuse to get involved, so I don’t know most of the details. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/46 "2012-06-25T21:54:01Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Inheritance Yep. When my poor mother died (literally poor, not emotionally poor) she had 1 or 2 pieces of furniture, some silverware, and a painting of my grandfather who was in the Russian Calvary, and not much else. I made a list of items I knew she had. As a family my three siblings waited for 6 months before deciding what to do with anything. One of my brothers just wanted to quickly zip through and be done with everything. I wanted to go through the list I had made and determine what had happened to those items. Well, it was no wonder my bro wanted to zip through the list; every other item on the list he’d say something like “mom gave that to me before she died” and such shit like that. Well I lived 1000 miles from my mother; I wasn’t able to go there every weekend and talk to her in her nursing home and have her give me pieces of her few heirlooms she had. He even had little things that didn’t matter; like every high school yearbook (we grew up in a small town, and my mother would buy one year book a year, alternating which child she would buy it from. The town was small enough that the entire school K-12 was in each year book. My brother had about 16 years of year books; some that he wasn’t even in. :rolleyes: he had her silverware, an antique record player that didn’t work, and the picture of my grandfather which we ALL wanted. I thought I was over it, but obviously I’m not. So damn right on inheritance; and it’s not just about getting your share of money. ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/47 "2012-06-25T22:38:28Z")
If the eldest child is a zombie, does he still inherit the farm? (Note: Please look at the timestamp of the OP.) ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/48 "2012-06-25T23:11:43Z")
Politics. My sister and her husband are super conservative righty Republicans. I can argue politics with many people and not have it get ugly but not with them. ---
**Author:** ![kmshrader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b782af/32.png) [@kmshrader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kmshrader)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/49 "2012-06-25T23:19:40Z")
My sister have a fairly good relationship, but: Money - As in, the grand plus she borrowed and never paid back, but more importantly never apologized for never paying back. Kids - I haven’t seen my infant niece in three months and you say you’ll be in town at noon, don’t get in until four, then leave at eight? I understand she’s your daughter, but really?! These aren’t knock-down, drag-out, but if something really big happens you’d better believe these resentments will come up. In my case, it boils down to rudeness. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/50 "2012-06-26T00:07:09Z")
> [@Gukumatz](#): > > If the eldest child is a zombie, does he still inherit the farm? > > (Note: Please look at the timestamp of the OP.) Yeah 2010, about the time my brother refused to let our parents see his kids for another couple of years because I “Looked at him funny”. I kid you not - he was 47 at the time. Eta, the ‘look’ was probably this::rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/51 "2012-06-26T00:25:18Z")
I thought we were all grown ups until one of the older generation died, left a convoluted will, and one of my sisters decided this was her opportunity to punish siblings she’d resented silently for fifty fucking years. She seriously and admittedly didn’t care if she tore our entire family to shreds and broke her parents’ hearts, as long as she got revenge for the unhappy childhood no one else could even remember. Living hell ensued. It was really educational. Yes, you only imagine you’re done with the past. ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/52 "2012-06-26T00:34:12Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Inheritance You got that right. Thankfully, my own siblings are civil to each other and both my parents have passed away, fortunately before their money ran out. We just split the money up evenly and that was that. On the other hand, I’m trying to be an advocate for my cousin. His siblings all hate each other and do not communicate at all. He’s never seen the will even though he’s an executor (both his and his sister’s fault). Christ, it’s so ugly and it doesn’t have to be that way. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/53 "2012-06-26T01:27:59Z")
My two sisters were born just a year apart and have been competing ever since. Even now it’s sort of amusing watching them cross swords over who was the better parent/grandparent, whose kids are more successful, self-reliant, intellectual or whatever category they can come up with, who’s the better sister to me, etc., etc. As my brother-in-law once famously said, “I never knew two people who loved each other more. . . until they get in the same room.” ---
**Author:** ![Isaacedwardleibowitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecb155/32.png) [@Isaacedwardleibowitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isaacedwardleibowitz)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/54 "2012-06-26T07:21:02Z")
Events that have caused fighting among the adult siblings in my family: - Money issues: some siblings are pissed at others (and their children) for accepting too many gifts/free meals from our mother. - One sibling considers the son of another sibling to be a bad influence on her daughter. - One sibling works with the daughter of another and friction arises between them, which spreads throughout the family. - Bitterness carries over from childhood: one sibling still feels picked on by the others. - The husband of one sibling doesn’t get along with anyone else, never comes to family gatherings, which causes a lot of conflict. - All the siblings got mad at another (me) for buying a milkshake for our mother (who has a weight problem). ---
**Author:** ![D-bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@D-bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D-bear)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/55 "2012-06-26T07:52:51Z")
> [@River\_Hippie](#): > > Politics. My sister and her husband are super conservative righty Republicans. I can argue politics with many people and not have it get ugly but not with them. Wow. After the first 45 replies I thought I’d be the first to mention politics. My older brother is, and always has been a jerk, and I’m fairly laid back person with not too many buttons to push. Being gay and therefore unable to legally marry my husband is one thing that is a sore subject to me. \*Especially \*since I’ve had one committed relationship that’s lasted for 15 years and he’s casually been married and divorced three times. He’s adamantly against same sex marriage and very pro-Republican. He loves to tear at Obama, the “Kenyan.” We’ve dwindled to Facebook only in the last year and a half, and about three months ago, I unfriended him and have not looked back. His comments pop up on my step mom and cousins status updates and I chafe at participating in a conversation that he is part of, but for the most part, I’m happier having him outside of my sphere… ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/56 "2012-06-26T08:10:17Z")
Inheritance. You want to see the nastiest shit possible? Watch some siblings when inheritance times comes around. I’ve seen people reduced to tears by such gems as “how could mom have picked YOU! to execute, you’ve always been a screwup and I own a goddamn company” so yea. ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/57 "2012-06-26T08:19:35Z")
> [@gwendee](#): > > My sister and I don’t fight. We’re pretty good friends, even. > > From what I’ve observed in other families it seems that when adult siblings do fight it’s often connected to the parents. Someone isn’t helping them enough, or is taking advantage of them. Responsible, employed brother might fight with ne’er do well brother who sponges off parents. Or “good daughter” who stayed local and takes care of parents might resent a sibling who left town and never looked back. Or they’re like my SILs (all of whom live within a 20-mile radius of my MIL/FIL) who jockey for the “I DO THE MOST FOR THEM” position. OMG, once the bickering starts it never stops Two of my SILs have children in college :headdesk: Or, in the case of my husband who was branded the family black sheep as a kid – the SILs and BILs will gang up on him because they claim he “never” does anything. To which my husband always replies, HOW THE FUCK CAN I WHEN ALL OF YOU ARE DOGPILING ON EACH OTHER? Meanwhile my MIL/FIL look the other way. As my MIL says, “You know, I thought maybe they’d outgrow this behavior. Don’t any of them realize we’re too old to listen to all this and neither of us CARE?” Thank god I’m an only. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/58 "2012-06-26T08:30:17Z")
> [@kiz](#): > > Thank god I’m an only. AMEN! Although technically I have siblings, a 21 year age difference diffuses sibling rivalry. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/59 "2012-06-26T09:36:31Z")
To add to the examples: [ul] [li]Looking after parents who need some care (some siblings not pulling their weight and resentment thereof)[/li][li]Money that’s not inheritance related e.g. simply one sibling lending money to another and not getting it back. [/li][li]No reason at all: during a family gathering, someone acts like a dick so that leads to arguments at the gathering followed by animosity for months (as they may not see each other very often so things can fester for a long time).[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/60 "2012-06-26T09:47:26Z")
Another one for “parents are involved”. In our case, whenever Mom claims someone did something outrageous, we know that the next step should not be indignation, but verification. The woman lies so much she doesn’t even know when she’s doing it… At one point she tried to make my brothers angry by insinuating that she’d leave me her house (which is pretty much the totality of what she owns); while the Bros know better, she did manage to rile my sister in law. Littlebro called me, put me on speaker and said “hey, do you want Mom’s house?” “what the fuck for? What, she’s decided to stop threatening with moving in with me, now?” “see, she doesn’t want it either. It’s sell and split threeways.” “Oh, ok.” ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172/61 "2012-06-26T11:36:18Z")
I don’t fight with my brother, but my wife fights with her sister. I think it’s always the same sort of argument: Younger sister: “You never supported me enough and you’re always telling me what to do!” Older sister: “You’re ungrateful and you never follow my advice!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-adult-siblings-fight-over/549172.md?page=4)