# What do all of your ex's new SOs have in common? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 20, 2007, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847 "2007-05-20T21:03:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/61 "2007-05-25T21:55:24Z")
[QUOTE=VCO3] And by the way, the lesson here is that I realized that the type of girl I was attracted to was the clean, virginal girl-next-door. [/QUOTE] šŸ˜• :: shakes head :: Whoa. My eyes are tired. I thought you said you were attracted to _ā€œclean vaginalā€_ girls next door. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/62 "2007-05-25T21:56:38Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Borgia] So itā€™s cool that he beats up women, as long as theyā€™re sluts that donā€™t dress well and have problems. šŸ˜• [/QUOTE] I donā€™t know how you got this from what I said, but okā€¦ šŸ˜• ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2007, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/63 "2007-05-26T00:57:41Z")
[QUOTE=Litoris] I donā€™t know how you got this from what I said, but okā€¦ šŸ˜• [/QUOTE] Well, heā€™s ā€œthe love of your lifeā€ and he likes to beat on women. Iā€™m just trying to get my head around that. Men who hit women are scum. It doesnā€™t matter what positive qualities they haveā€“most abusers are very charmingā€“or what their upbringing was like. Thereā€™s no excuse for that shit. I read your other thread and I understand youā€™ve been through some pretty bad stuff yourself. I didnā€™t mean to come off snarky, and I apologize if I did. I just canā€™t stand men who abuse women and I canā€™t understand women who apologize or rationalize their behavior. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2007, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/64 "2007-05-26T01:26:57Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Borgia] Well, heā€™s ā€œthe love of your lifeā€ and he likes to beat on women. Iā€™m just trying to get my head around that. Men who hit women are scum. It doesnā€™t matter what positive qualities they haveā€“most abusers are very charmingā€“or what their upbringing was like. Thereā€™s no excuse for that shit. I read your other thread and I understand youā€™ve been through some pretty bad stuff yourself. I didnā€™t mean to come off snarky, and I apologize if I did. I just canā€™t stand men who abuse women and I canā€™t understand women who apologize or rationalize their behavior. [/QUOTE] No, the **VIE** (love of her life) dates mainstream golddiggers. Itā€™s her daughterā€™s dad who beats up women, but only the ones who _let_ him. I, too, was surprised when I read the thread about **Litoris** ā€™ mom that she would excuse this behavior but, as I mentioned before, Iā€™ve been accused on this board of thinking I know everything about a situation when I donā€™t, or painting with a broad brush, so I tried to let this go in the ā€œdonā€™t understand; never willā€ column. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2007, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/65 "2007-05-26T06:05:12Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > No, the VIE (love of her life) dates mainstream golddiggers. > Itā€™s her daughterā€™s dad who beats up women, but only the ones who let him. I thought it was the same person. If not, never mind. ---
**Author:** ![DellieM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@DellieM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DellieM)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2007, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/66 "2007-05-27T05:52:16Z")
We banged the same guy. Alright seriously - weā€™all short-arses, we all have big teeth and are huge talkers. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2007, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/67 "2007-05-27T07:33:48Z")
Theyā€™re taller and older than I am and theyā€™re less scrupulous in general. The most glaring exceptions to all three are female. And then thereā€™s the mainstream/WASPy/boring/taller/older/less scrupulous guy who won the last one back from me by stealing my date ideas. > [@PastAllReason](#): > > Thanks for the explanation, DiosaBellissima. Itā€™s a look that I havenā€™t particularly taken note of. Except maybe on Joan Crawford. I think itā€™s a safe bet that cholas are less common in Western Canada than southern California. Hell, now that I think about it Iā€™ve dated a cholaā€“penciled-on eyebrows, Converse, flannel shirts, gold jewelry with her name on it, pretty much the whole thing except for the gang and barrio part. > [@VCO3](#): > > And by the way, the lesson here is that I realized that the type of girl I was attracted to was the clean, virginal girl-next-door, BUT I wanted one that was into things that clean, virginal girls-next-door werenā€™t usually into (like bohemian music, film, and culture), so I ended up with clean, virginal girls-next-door who were going through their freak phase where they wanted to live dangerously, but then quickly reverted to clean, virginial girls-next-door as soon as they got through the phase. Iā€™ve (mostly) had the same problem. > [@WhyNot](#): > > But I can see why they might seem a peaceful, temporary diversion after dating my argumentative, opinionated self! Well, I wouldnā€™t mind if some of these guys sent their argumentative, opinionated girlfriends over to me. Iā€™m a feminist and it pisses me off when girls habitually agree with me for no reason. Thatā€™s a big part of why Iā€™ve been single for so long, actually. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/68 "2007-05-27T18:33:42Z")
What about when they agree with you because they actually, you know, agree with you? šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2007, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/69 "2007-05-27T20:06:32Z")
Thatā€™s all nice and sweet, but nobody really agrees with any one other person 100% of the time. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2007, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/70 "2007-05-27T20:35:13Z")
[QUOTE=fetus] Thatā€™s all nice and sweet, but nobody really agrees with any one other person 100% of the time. [/QUOTE] I guess itā€™s official that I canā€™t just toss off a non-serious remark, even with a smiley at the end of it. Not having anything to do with you in particular, of course, but thatā€™s the fourth time in as many days Iā€™ve said something I thought was flippant and had it apparently taken seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2007, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/71 "2007-05-27T21:38:18Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Borgia] Well, heā€™s ā€œthe love of your lifeā€ and he likes to beat on women. Iā€™m just trying to get my head around that. Men who hit women are scum. It doesnā€™t matter what positive qualities they haveā€“most abusers are very charmingā€“or what their upbringing was like. Thereā€™s no excuse for that shit. I read your other thread and I understand youā€™ve been through some pretty bad stuff yourself. I didnā€™t mean to come off snarky, and I apologize if I did. I just canā€™t stand men who abuse women and I canā€™t understand women who apologize or rationalize their behavior. [/QUOTE] Itā€™s ok ā€“ the abusive one is **not** the love of my life. But he is a good friend. I neither understand nor rationalise his behviour ā€“ I walked out on him and took our (then-2 year old) daughter with me. Before I left him, I had him arrested and in WA state, an arrest for domestic violence requires a minimum amount of counseling for the abuser. I did my best to try to get him help, even though I knew I was leaving for good. It is true, too many women do justify and make excuses for that shit. I donā€™t and never did. At one point, I honestly was shocked that he didnā€™t beat me up in public ā€“ someone asked why I was walking funny and I told them (with him standing beside me) ā€œCharlie\* threw me against the wall last night while we were fighting and broke my toeā€ When he confronted me about it later, I told him that I was _not_ going to lie about it and cover it up for him. It was a nice shock treatmentā€¦for about a week then the abuse started again. I tried, but I finally had to take my own advice and realise that the only person over whom I have control is _me_. I walked away and havenā€™t looked back since šŸ™‚ Because he does have redeeming qualities as a person, I sincerely hope everyday that he will face down his demons and start recognising his red flags. I honestly want him to have a good life ā€“ people are not ā€œgoodā€ or ā€œevilā€ they just make bad decisions sometimes. A person can do a bad thing but still be a good person. We might disagree on this, but ya know what? Thatā€™s how life works. Oh, and while it did come across as a bit snarkyā€¦this is teh intarwebs ā€“ I donā€™t carry grudges in real life, why the heck would I here? Better to ask for clarity than live in ignorance, right? ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2007, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/72 "2007-05-27T22:08:06Z")
Hmmm, if Iā€™m allowed to work backwards with this one, with my one and only ex-SO, it seems all her previous exā€™s were either sexually inept or got her pregnant and then they split up. With me, she got both! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2007, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/73 "2007-05-28T01:31:06Z")
[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima] Chola refers to a Hispanic gangster girl. I had plenty of friends in high school that lovingly referred to themselves as cholas. From Urban Dictionaryā€¦ [/QUOTE] My Peruvian fiancĆ©e occassionally uses the word ā€œcholaā€ and, from her corner of the globe, it seems to simply mean ā€œtrashyā€, ā€œwhorishā€ or ā€œlow classā€ rather than gangster-tough. Not that classes of people donā€™t co-opt words and turn them into a badge of honor, but her definition made your OP that much more amusing to me. Try as I might, I canā€™t think of a common thread between my exsā€™ new beaus. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/74 "2007-05-28T03:34:22Z")
They have not much in common: GF#1: Now married to a guy with similar nerdy tastes in books and stuff as I have (and she has), but who is very quiet and reserved (she and I are both super-argumentative). Heā€™s also super-seriously Jewish (as is she) (at least now) GF#2: Married to a guy whoā€™s actually quite a bit like me. I like him a lot. A bit more into the ren-faire/folk singing side of nerddom than I am GF#3: After me, she dated an abusive and controlling Indian guy. Then she broke up with him. Then we lost touch GF#6: After me, she dated a weak-willed goth guy who she more or less ran over, then a freaky arrogant pervy Jewish guy, and is now married to a childhood friend of hers who I have only met briefly, but seems totally unlike me in all ways GF#7: Last I heard, now dating an Indian guy Iā€™ve never met So weā€™ve got a few nerds, a few Jews, and a few guys from India. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2007, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/75 "2007-05-28T20:11:24Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > I guess itā€™s official that I canā€™t just toss off a non-serious remark, even with a smiley at the end of it. Not having anything to do with you in particular, of course, but thatā€™s the fourth time in as many days Iā€™ve said something I thought was flippant and had it apparently taken seriously. If it makes you feel better, that happens to me all the time IRL! ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2007, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/76 "2007-05-28T20:14:20Z")
[QUOTE=fetus] If it makes you feel better, that happens to me all the time IRL! [/QUOTE] It helps a little, yes. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2007, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/77 "2007-05-28T22:04:53Z")
[QUOTE=MaxTheVool] So weā€™ve got a few nerds, a few Jews, and a few guys from India. [/QUOTE] Oh! Oh! OH! Mr. Kotter! Pick me! Iā€™ve got the common theme on this one: all groups to whom education is culturally important. ---
**Author:** ![Selkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Selkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Selkie)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2007, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847/78 "2007-05-28T22:58:42Z")
The next one is always proclaimed to be ā€œThe Oneā€, and The One always has a health issue or disability that limits her physical mobility. Every time. Over multiple exes. Apparently I was insufficiently disabled! šŸ˜ƒ Seriously, the pattern does make me wonder whether they cared about me _in spite of_ my physical limitations, as Iā€™d always (naively?) believed - or in part _because of_ them, which is too depressing to contemplate. Now that the doctors have figured out what was ā€œwrongā€ with me (well, wrong with my body - my mind is another story! šŸ˜› ), I wonder whether the same will be true of my next ex. Stay tunedā€¦ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-all-of-your-exs-new-sos-have-in-common/404847.md?page=3)