# What do couples that can't afford daycare end up doing **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 8, 2019, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656 "2019-05-08T04:04:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/41 "2019-05-08T20:11:07Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > But that is a nanny. When people say “child care” are they normally talking about nannies? > > It seems similar to if I said “I spend 80K a year on food costs!” when I really mean “I employ a personal chef that costs 80K” It isn’t the same thing at all. It just means a babysitter that works full time. A Priest’s schedule has to include late night meetings, many hours on Sunday morning and the occasional trip into Boston to give last rites. It is incredibly expensive. I had a medical procedure done a couple of months ago and I offered to pay for the nanny/babysitter. It was $200 cash. She has to pay a lot of that every single day and I also have to pay for my daughter’s care. There are very few people that responsibly afford more than two children these days. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/42 "2019-05-08T20:32:27Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > It isn’t the same thing at all. It just means a babysitter that works full time. A Priest’s schedule has to include late night meetings, many hours on Sunday morning and the occasional trip into Boston to give last rites. It is incredibly expensive. I had a medical procedure done a couple of months ago and I offered to pay for the nanny/babysitter. It was $200 cash. She has to pay a lot of that every single day and I also have to pay for my daughter’s care. There are very few people that responsibly afford more than two children these days. I’m sure it’s expensive. Just seems strange to me to go into a thread about people who are poor and cannot afford daycare and say “I know right? My girlfriend has to pay her nanny an outrageous sum of money!” ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/43 "2019-05-08T20:37:32Z")
> [@typoink](#): > > The daycare we selected, which is the absolute cheapest education-focused, small-class daycare we found, is about $45k annually. It’s a very solid school, but is only that cheap because they’re in an inconvenient, underdeveloped location. It would be easy to spend nearly twice that if we wanted a school closer to home. I’m sorry, but you are paying $1000 a week for daycare? I just did a quick search for Chicago daycare, and there are numerous places for around $250 a week. Am I missing something? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/44 "2019-05-08T20:53:16Z")
A lot of parents hire “nannies”…but they aren’t exactly Mary Poppins. My parents left me and my twin in the care of a woman who was very low skilled. A poor woman who probably was working under the table so she could continue getting her welfare checks. My parents probably paid her just enough to make it worth her while to catch the bus over to our house. And in exchange, my parents looked the other way on certain things. Things that will forever be burned into my memory… Though that was 40 years ago, I gotta imagine a lot of parents today still do what my parents did: Find someone who is fine with meager pay for watching your baby as long as you provide them a working TV and air conditioning. There are big risks with this strategy but it often works for people who have few choices. Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/45 "2019-05-08T21:08:13Z")
Not everyone with kids is a couple, lest we forget. Nor does maternity/paternity leave last forever. Solutions I am familiar with are, bring the kid to work, and/or get a relative to look after the kid. It’s only for a few years… ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/46 "2019-05-08T21:37:59Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > There are very few people that responsibly afford more than two children these days. Yeah. I mean it depends. If you can do what **Urbanredneck** did and have different work schedules it can work. But outside of manufacturing and health care, a lot of jobs don’t offer 2nd or 3rd shift work that aren’t low wage (retail work). Plus the person working 2nd or 3rd shift gets the shit end of the stick in that situation since they have to do 8-10 hours of child care and work full time while the parent who works first shift really only has the kids 2-4 hours a day. But I agree. Unless you have family willing to babysit for free, or differing shifts, or one party makes a huge income and can support a stay at home parent, it sounds pretty hard to afford daycare without subsidies. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/47 "2019-05-08T21:50:57Z")
Just want to add to this that even when the kids are in school finding care doesnt end. You wouldnt believe how many days the school is closed for things like holidays and teacher workdays PLUS what about summer. Oh and add onto that, what happens if your kid is sick and you need to work to go pick them up. Oh and another, some people work evenings, nights and weekends and just try finding care thats not 6 am to around 7 pm. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/48 "2019-05-08T21:54:47Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > A lot of parents hire “nannies”…but they aren’t exactly Mary Poppins. My parents left me and my twin in the care of a woman who was very low skilled. A poor woman who probably was working under the table so she could continue getting her welfare checks. My parents probably paid her just enough to make it worth her while to catch the bus over to our house. And in exchange, my parents looked the other way on certain things. Things that will forever be burned into my memory… > > Though that was 40 years ago, I gotta imagine a lot of parents today still do what my parents did: Find someone who is fine with meager pay for watching your baby as long as you provide them a working TV and air conditioning. There are big risks with this strategy but it often works for people who have few choices. > > Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk And others are quite good. Frankly they are cheaper and more reliable than a daycare where the staff are paid minimum wage and are always changing. You know where the kids are at all times and what they are doing. Add to that you dont have to take extra time to pick them up or drop them off plus they can work odd hours daycares are closed. If you have say 3 kids its cheaper than daycare. I knew a woman who ran a nanny service. One of her clients was a female over the road truck driver who was sometimes gone for a week. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/49 "2019-05-08T22:25:59Z")
If you can’t find subsidized day care. . . 1. leave the baby with grandma/sister/other relative. Of course many people prefer this to day care, anyway. 2. work out some sort of arrangement with neighbors. This works better if everyone only works part-time, but maybe you’ll find a neighbor who really needs a break from her kids on weekends. 3. find a stay at home mom who’s willing to babysit your kid for less money than a daycare center, and don’t ask questions. 4. take the kid to work with you. Maybe a very understanding boss will let you do it more often than just “my babysitter got sick.” 5. quit, because it just isn’t worth the hassle. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/50 "2019-05-08T22:29:41Z")
It doesn’t help that, for example, Washington State’s Home Childcare Licensing Guide is 388 pages long. Regulation has put a lot of in-home care out of business. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/51 "2019-05-08T22:35:55Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I’m sorry, but you are paying $1000 a week for daycare? I just did a quick search for Chicago daycare, and there are numerous places for around $250 a week. Am I missing something? Yeah, this is going to vary by where you are in the city. $250/wk is probably below average, but that is about what we pay/paid in my part of Chicago, and it’s not a “park the kids in front of the TV” sort of daycare, but active one-on-one where my kids have learned quite a bit. But if you’re in Lincoln Park or Wicker Park or whatnot, I could believe $1K/wk (although that still feels pretty high to me.) ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/52 "2019-05-08T23:03:18Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Minnesota is one of the more expensive states and it ran around $12,000/yr. Ha! That’s almost _free_! Here in NYC, daycare for our youngest is $2,000 per month. And that’s the going rate around here – all the daycare places charge more or less the same amount. It’s tough. It was tougher during the (brief) time when our two girls overlapped. Fortunately, the older girl is in kindergarten at a public school now. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/53 "2019-05-08T23:19:48Z")
It’s not uncommon for the lower-paid spouse to be the one carrying the health insurance, so that’s why they “work to pay the babysitter.” Many years ago, I knew a woman who was a single mom who wasn’t getting child support (her ex was a drug addict; unfortunately, I later found out that she was too) and she got a big deduction on her day care bill by coming in two evenings a week and cleaning the center, which took a couple hours. She would usually bring her son’s dinner and some toys, and get it done that way. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/54 "2019-05-08T23:55:46Z")
> [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > Ha! That’s almost _free_! > > Here in NYC, daycare for our youngest is $2,000 per month. And that’s the going rate around here – all the daycare places charge more or less the same amount. > > It’s tough. It was tougher during the (brief) time when our two girls overlapped. Fortunately, the older girl is in kindergarten at a public school now. Well, the $12K we paid was about 5 years ago so I don’t know what it runs now. And i do remember New York as being #1 in having the highest daycare costs. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/55 "2019-05-09T00:13:33Z")
> [@echoreply](#): > > There is also the future cost of lost wages. Women (and it is usually women taking time off) who took off just one year between 2001 and 2015 [earned 39% less](https://iwpr.org/publications/still-mans-labor-market/) than women who worked the entire time. Wouldn’t it be likely that women with lower salaries and no significant career prospect more often take a year off, hence that women who took a year off between 2001 and 2015 have a much lower income than women who didn’t, not simply because they were hit by a 39% penalty for taking it, but because the income of a lot of them was lower to begin with and they had little expectation of higher income even if they didn’t take a year off? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/56 "2019-05-09T00:27:52Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > We did it by the shift thing. My wife worked days and I worked nights (still do). > [@echoreply](#): > > Another option is to press older siblings into child care responsibilities. This is how my parents managed it for the most part. We had home daycare providers whose houses we went to up until my brother was a toddler. Then they worked opposite shifts for a few years, and once I turned 12 I babysat lil bro (six years younger) after school, and during school vacations, including all day all summer. The last part being a big contributor to the reason why he and I didn’t get along until shortly before I left for college… ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/57 "2019-05-09T01:18:32Z")
My daughter was fortunately working in the NY office of a British company and got three months leave at full pay and 3 more unpaid months and then put her kid into daycare. It cost about $23,000 a year of **after tax** dollars. Which meant at the highest marginal rate. Nonetheless it was worth it as her salary was about $100K. One thing I am certain of: if this was a common cost for high executives, the tax code would have allowed day care costs to be deductible. After all, if you cannot work without putting your kid into daycare, then daycare becomes an employment expense, no? $100 dollar lunches are deductible, but day care isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/58 "2019-05-09T01:37:39Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > My daughter was fortunately working in the NY office of a British company and got three months leave at full pay and 3 more unpaid months and then put her kid into daycare. It cost about $23,000 a year of **after tax** dollars. Which meant at the highest marginal rate. Nonetheless it was worth it as her salary was about $100K. > > One thing I am certain of: if this was a common cost for high executives, the tax code would have allowed day care costs to be deductible. After all, if you cannot work without putting your kid into daycare, then daycare becomes an employment expense, no? $100 dollar lunches are deductible, but day care isn’t. $100 lunches are not deductible. ---
**Author:** ![icon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c6cbf5/32.png) [@icon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/icon)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/59 "2019-05-09T11:13:01Z")
> [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > $100 lunches are not deductible. Sure they are, they are still considered a business expense [according to IRS](https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-drop/n-18-76.pdf) though you can’t deduct all of the amount. //i\ ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656/60 "2019-05-09T11:57:48Z")
My parents did a combo of: Mum taking a few years working from home (at what turned out to be a bit of a waste of time borderline scam, in retrospect) making a bit of extra cash selling eggs, vegetables and flowers at the gate, and growing most of our food to cut down the bills. Having an elderly relative move in and babysit- which was OK until we started school, as she couldn’t drive and school was 3 miles away down a dodgy road. Paying a classmate’s Mum to take us, and a bunch of other kids for several hours after school. One or the other parent taking us into work (at Mum’s work openly, in Dads having been told that on the rare occasions that the ‘big boss’ showed up, we were to pretend that it was a one off and Mum had a hospital appointment, although his immediate boss was fine with it)- then finally once they started their own business, just taking me there every day (bro was deemed old enough too stay home alone by then, but not quite big enough to babysit). And my mother wonders why I’ve not got kids… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-couples-that-cant-afford-daycare-end-up-doing/833656.md?page=4)