# What do guys say to girls when they walk up to them on a night out? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 1, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511 "2011-11-01T16:27:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/61 "2011-11-03T03:17:08Z")
> [@Philster](#): > > I think the all-time best play was to wait til the night was ending, or until she appeared to be leaving. > [@mnemosyne](#): > > I think the line between “cute, finally making a move and respectful of minimizing awkwardness” and “dude took all night to finally come over, followed me outside and is now saying he wants to get to know me…stalkerish” is a fine line indeed. I think someone who can’t figure out how to get past “Hi” in a conversation should NOT be trying this technique. It’s not for amateurs! 🆒 Forget about stalkerish, she’s probably left with someone else by this point. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/62 "2011-11-03T04:14:43Z")
I reject guys who hit on me in bars. If it’s a friend of a friend, I can see a spark. Maybe. But a random stranger coming up to me and saying, “Hi”? Uh…99 per cent of the time, the answer is, “Mmm.” I guess I’m _that_ bitch, but come on. At the moment, the only thing he knows about me is what I look like. (Different if it’s a quiet bar or happy hour or a place where you would normally make small talk.) ---
**Author:** ![JessMagic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c0e974/32.png) [@JessMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JessMagic)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/63 "2011-11-03T05:03:58Z")
“Should I start crying now, or wait until after we’ve boned?” ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/64 "2011-11-03T06:26:05Z")
‘Hi’ ‘Are you having a good night?’ ‘Who are you here with tonight?’ ‘Want to dance?’ ‘Do you like the music they play here?’ ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/65 "2011-11-03T09:16:37Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > ‘Hi’ > ‘Are you having a good night?’ > ‘Who are you here with tonight?’ > ‘Want to dance?’ > ‘Do you like the music they play here?’ > ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ QFT. Much as it pains me to agree with [bCitoyenne\*\* (nothing personal – I thought the resonse was a bit harsh, maybe, although probably honest and certainly would be my reponse) I can’t see chatting it up in some loud club with a random chick. All of the above quoted are fine. I’m not really into nabbing some rndom chick, but I do like females to talk with – talk about something interesting about themselves like a tatoo or a cool T-shirt or why she’s barefoot at 30 degrees F or see if she wants to… There’s no formula. Just start a conversation – that’s pretty much it IME. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/66 "2011-11-03T13:32:09Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > ‘Hi’ > ‘Are you having a good night?’ > ‘Who are you here with tonight?’ > ‘Want to dance?’ > ‘Do you like the music they play here?’ > ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ Stop asking questions, you spazoid! ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/67 "2011-11-03T14:26:06Z")
> [@Yookeroo](#): > > Forget about stalkerish, she’s probably left with someone else by this point. That’s a risk. Although, anyone even remotely intelligent would know they shouldn’t approach someone who has been eyeing someone else. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/68 "2011-11-03T21:05:15Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > I reject guys who hit on me in bars. If it’s a friend of a friend, I can see a spark. Maybe. But a random stranger coming up to me and saying, “Hi”? Uh…99 per cent of the time, the answer is, “Mmm.” > > I guess I’m _that_ bitch, but come on. At the moment, the only thing he knows about me is what I look like. > > (Different if it’s a quiet bar or happy hour or a place where you would normally make small talk.) I can totally see that. I don’t aim to meet prospective romantic entanglements in bars, and I question the approach in general. I realize I’m in the minority, but that’s me. ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/69 "2011-11-03T21:50:11Z")
Guys do a lot of neg-hits these days… “Hi, you know…you’re actually cuter up close” “You’re hot…for a redhead” “Oh, you went to X-state school! Couldn’t get into private X-school?” ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/70 "2011-11-03T22:08:09Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > I reject guys who hit on me in bars. If it’s a friend of a friend, I can see a spark. Maybe. But a random stranger coming up to me and saying, “Hi”? Uh…99 per cent of the time, the answer is, “Mmm.” > > I guess I’m _that_ bitch, but come on. At the moment, the only thing he knows about me is what I look like. > > (Different if it’s a quiet bar or happy hour or a place where you would normally make small talk.) I am not sure what the fact that he only knows what you look like implies. Could you tell me what you infer from that? Also, the very same thing is true (he only knows what you look like) in that 1% of cases where your answer is different, a quiet bar, happy hour or a place where you normally make small talk. In all those cases, he only knows what you look like at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/71 "2011-11-03T22:09:29Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > I can totally see that. I don’t aim to meet prospective romantic entanglements in bars, and I question the approach in general. I realize I’m in the minority, but that’s me. Why not? Plenty of regular people hit a happy hour at a chill place after work – I meet lots of nice people, male and female, in bars. I’m not looking to pick up some chick, but good conversation is always a pleasant pastime. Beats watching TV or burning yourself out by working feverishly on a pet project. Don’t get (infra) the whole “neg” thing – that’s one of those pick-up things, right? I neg acquaintances and friends all the time, but mostly just for laughs and because nobody’s feelings are hurt. Most women I know, though, really take comments like that to heart, even women with whom I’m friends, so I try to avoid it unless I really am friends friends with a person – at the very least expect some “negs” back with a vengeance! ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/72 "2011-11-03T22:13:22Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Also, the very same thing is true (he only knows what you look like) in that 1% of cases where your answer is different, a quiet bar, happy hour or a place where you normally make small talk. In all those cases, he only knows what you look like at the moment. That’s an excellent point, but in those exceptional cases, one is usually talking to pretty much everyone. I still don’t “get” the hostility of **CP** , but it’s easy to see why someone wouldn’t want to be prey for some carrion-eating vulture skulking around some place, just because they happen to have a nice T&A combination. ---
**Author:** ![Carmady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f04885/32.png) [@Carmady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carmady)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2011, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/73 "2011-11-03T22:16:42Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > At the moment, the only thing he knows about me is what I look like. So he should write you off before he knows anything about you? ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/74 "2011-11-04T14:33:53Z")
> [@Jaledin](#): > > Why not? Plenty of regular people hit a happy hour at a chill place after work – I meet lots of nice people, male and female, in bars. I’m not looking to pick up some chick, but good conversation is always a pleasant pastime. Beats watching TV or burning yourself out by working feverishly on a pet project. Eh, pet projects can be a lot of fun… More to the point, I’m really awkward socially, so I mean most women in the context of shared activities–community organizations, activities with mutual friends, conferences (oh, yeah) and what not. As **CitizenPained** said above, all you know when you meet someone in a bar is what they look like…and that they like to hang out in bars. If you meet someone at a reading group or during a charitable drive, you know a lot more–and it’s a better sort of knowledge. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/75 "2011-11-04T14:50:03Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > all you know when you meet someone in a bar is what they look like…and that they like to hang out in bars. Where you’re also hanging. Whatever can be inferred about them from that fact can also be inferred about you. Not that I like to go to such places. The last time I went to a nightclub, a woman I was with told me I looked/behaved like I was 40 years old (I’m 28). Going there was mainly an anthropological survey for me. In any case, once you’ve done the basic greet to the other person in a loud bar, how are you supposed to proceed? It just seems to loud too have any sort of significant conversation. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/76 "2011-11-04T14:55:43Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Where you’re also hanging. > Whatever can be inferred about them from that fact can also be inferred about you. True. Which is why I don’t hang out in bars–unless there’s a good band. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511/77 "2011-11-04T16:42:37Z")
Augh ghagg see this is why I will be forever doomed to meet women online and will never pick up women in person. Just reading the advice is giving me fight-or-flight stressors. I just can’t get over being tongue-tied and not knowing what to say. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-guys-say-to-girls-when-they-walk-up-to-them-on-a-night-out/601511.md?page=3)