# What do I do if attacked by pirates? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 3, 2001, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230 "2001-01-03T14:12:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/1 "2001-01-03T14:12:23Z")
It’s not like I carry a lot of money with me, so they may just get some pocket lint, which makes me worry that they’ll run me through. I don’t even know what that means, but it sounds painfull. Is there anyway to reason with a pirate, or get on his good side? ---
**Author:** ![socpro69](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@socpro69](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/socpro69)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/2 "2001-01-03T14:30:06Z")
Three words: Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/3 "2001-01-03T14:34:00Z")
The term “Run you through” probably refers to stabbing you with a sword so the pointy end goes all the way through your body. I’ve heard it smarts. There still are pirates in the world who attack boats, kill or restrain their occupants, and steal everything. If you find yourself on the open seas being chased by such folks I suggest you run like hell while calling for help on the radio to local authorities. For more info here’s a link to the weekly pirate report: [http://www.iccwbo.org/ccs/imb\_piracy/weekly\_piracy\_report.asp](http://www.iccwbo.org/ccs/imb_piracy/weekly_piracy_report.asp) ---
**Author:** ![hardhead365](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/71c47a/32.png) [@hardhead365](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardhead365)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/4 "2001-01-03T14:44:11Z")
A pirate is an armed robber on a boat. Dealing with an armed robber on land is bad enough, at sea there is no one to hear you, and jurisdiction is likely to be fuzzy. The trials of the boat people fleeing Viet Nam come to mind, as well as some of the unexplained disapperances of people and boats in the Caribean. If you are unarmed and unable to outrun them, your chances aren’t very good. Contrary to Walt Disney, pirates are not nice people, nor are they jolly. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/779978/32.png) [@Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zumba_The_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/5 "2001-01-03T14:49:50Z")
I would ask him to please not kill you. Tell him you want to live for true love. Make sure you say please. This is especially effective when dealing with the Dread Pirate Roberts. ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/6 "2001-01-03T14:55:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by socpro69 \* > \*\*Three words: Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. :eek: \*\* Hot damn! Sign me up! ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/7 "2001-01-03T15:21:07Z")
Everything I’ve ever read about sailing on the high seas says to carry weapons to prevent piracy. Specifically, they advise that you get the biggest, baddest gun you can and keep it handy whenever anyone approaches your boat. Better yet, stick with the cruise ship tours, since having 1000 witnesses nearby tends to deter most criminal activity. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/8 "2001-01-03T15:22:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zumba The Cat \* > \*\*I would ask him to please not kill you. Tell him you want to live for true love. > > Make sure you say please. > > This is especially effective when dealing with the Dread Pirate Roberts. \*\* Although he’ll probably kill you in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Doc\_Moss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@Doc\_Moss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doc_Moss)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/9 "2001-01-03T15:33:40Z")
I don’t know why, but I have always thought that if you were on the high seas and pirates approached, if you could get some massive speakers that rocked the decibel scale off the wall, pointed it at the pirate’s boat and played some sickeningly loud noise, like fingernail scratching on a board, over and over and over, at an earpiercing loudness, they would run. Don’t know why, but I reckon they would. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/10 "2001-01-03T15:34:51Z")
"Although he’ll probably kill you in the morning… " …in the most painful manner imaginable. ---
**Author:** ![broccoli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@broccoli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/broccoli)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/11 "2001-01-03T15:36:01Z")
If you get attacked by pirates, hope and pray they’re the Tampa Bay Buccaneers… Those guys are pathetic. broccoli! (who lives in Tampa, so this joke is o.k.) p.s. I’m also Jewish, black, Mexican, and a blonde dentist… so I can tell all sorts of jokes 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doc\_Moss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@Doc\_Moss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doc_Moss)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/12 "2001-01-03T15:39:01Z")
I don’t know why, but I have always thought that if you were on the high seas and pirates approached, if you could get some massive speakers that rocked the decibel scale off the wall, pointed it at the pirate’s boat and played some sickeningly loud noise, like fingernail scratching on a board, over and over and over, at an earpiercing loudness, they would run. Don’t know why, but I reckon they would. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/13 "2001-01-03T16:00:52Z")
When pirates approach, quickly run up the “Quarantine” flag, signifying that your boat is riddled with smallpox. Them pirates HATE smallpox. They’ll go “Arrrrh!” and sail away faster than you can say Jolly Roger. …Speaking of which, is “jolly roger” simply a term for a successful bout of sodomy? ---
**Author:** ![c\_goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@c\_goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_goat)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/14 "2001-01-03T16:12:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doc Moss \* > \*\*I don’t know why, but I have always thought that if you were on the high seas and pirates approached, if you could get some massive speakers that rocked the decibel scale off the wall, pointed it at the pirate’s boat and played some sickeningly loud noise, like fingernail scratching on a board, over and over and over, at an earpiercing loudness, they would run. > > Don’t know why, but I reckon they would. \*\* I didn’t get it the first time either 😃 Is this from a movie or something? Anyway, yeah, RUN and call for help on the radio. They have automatic weapons and sometimes RPGs (according to the weekly pirate report). You wouldn’t stand a chance. ---
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/15 "2001-01-03T17:25:59Z")
Thank God I asked this question, I was just abducted by pirates in the Gulf of Mexico. You’ve heard those stories about alien abductions? Well they did their probing with hooks instead of fingers. I may not sit down ever again. I’m selling my boat on Ebay, and moving to Montana. Let’s see those bastard pirates sail to Montana. Ha ha! You scurvy swines!!. Anyway, I don’t think they’ll be able to find me. I moved their eye patches to their good eyes. I don’t think they noticed, but now they can’t see. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/16 "2001-01-03T18:42:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by c\_goat \* > \*\* > Anyway, yeah, RUN and call for help on the radio. They have automatic weapons and sometimes RPGs (according to the weekly pirate report). You wouldn’t stand a chance. \*\* That’s got Role-Playing Games? That _is_ bad. I sure wouldn’t want to face an angry pirate armed with guns and bags full of ten-sided dice. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/17 "2001-01-03T18:53:39Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Lamia \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by c\_goat \* > That’s got Role-Playing Games? That _is_ bad. I sure wouldn’t want to face an angry pirate armed with guns and bags full of ten-sided dice. > \*\* Ten sided? You should be so lucky as to run into such a bunch of sissy pirates. REAL pirates would leave a four-sided die in the path between your bunk and the bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![c\_goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@c\_goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_goat)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/18 "2001-01-03T19:08:20Z")
Ha ha ha! You took the bait! I knew someone would. Funny story (or maybe not), there was a guy I used to work with who was a vietnam veteran and he would talk about RPGs all the time (he was big into explosives too) and I would always think of him throwing copies of Final Fantasy at people. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/19 "2001-01-03T19:32:51Z")
There are real pirates at work in the southwest Pacific, around Indonesia and the Phillippines. Assuming you’re on a ship they attack, just use the same principles you would against muggers on land. They almost certainly only want your money and valuables, not your life, so just give it to them quietly. You shouldn’t be carrying all that much, anyway. The real pirates generally want the ship’s cargo, and even the ship itself (yes, there have been occasional news reports), so they probably only want you not to interfere. I don’t imagine you’d find many merchant seamen or anyone else willing to give their lives to protect someone else’s insured cargo, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![don\_Jaime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b4bc9f/32.png) [@don\_Jaime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_Jaime)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2001, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/20 "2001-01-03T19:52:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by socpro69 \* > \*\*Three words: Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. :eek: \*\* Dude, those aren’t pirates! That’s the Royal Navy! Now you **really** know how to be the Master of the Queen’s Navee. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230.md?page=2)