# What do I do if attacked by pirates? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 3, 2001, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230 "2001-01-03T14:12:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/61 "2001-01-07T15:04:46Z")
pirates can get scurvy? ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/62 "2001-01-09T00:27:40Z")
Scurvy is the main reason pirates of old didn’t live to be old pirates. Fruit didn’t keep very well, so they didn’t get enough vitamin C, causing scurvy. The Queen’s Navee tried to combat this problem by feeding their sailors limes, earning them, and then all Brits, the nickname/epithet ‘limies’. Ironically, limes rank near the bottom when it comes to vitamin C content among citrus fruits. ---
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/63 "2001-01-09T12:29:01Z")
Well, why didn’t they take their supplements? Isn’t there a GNC on the open seas? ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/64 "2001-01-09T13:22:23Z")
Arrrgghh… call me back, Ishmael. Would anyone be up for some looting and pillaging on the high seas in the near future? I always wanted to be a pirate. Never mind the fact that I can’t swim, nor do I have a boat, but I still want to be a pirate. Rum sodomy and the Lash is one of the Pouges best albums. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/65 "2001-01-09T13:40:10Z")
Well, according to the romance novelists, the best way is to be a raven/flaxen/auburn haired beauty, full of pride and fire. When the pirates attack the ship that is carrying you to your marriage that your rich but cruel father arranged, you can heave your bosom at the handsome captain (who is really the rich younger son of a duke who was disgraced), whom you hate instantly…but are strangely attracted to despite your protestations. He will then take you to his cabin and have his way with you. You will despise him but everyday learn to love him more as he breaks your will with his great, throbbing manhood. But, before you can tell him how much you love him,you’ll be “rescued” by the Navy and returned to your father and your fiance will be there, ready to consummate the marriage, despite the fact that you’ve been ravished by pirates. On the day of your marriage, your captain-love will sweep in through the tower window (where your father has placed you under guard because of your rebelliousness and refusal to marry the finace, who is a pustulated, small-pox faced loser who is cruel and mean, to boot) and take you away to his ship where you will then sail to his private island in the Carribean, ever more to live in love and pleasure. At least, that’s what the books say. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/66 "2001-01-09T15:43:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by k2dave \* > \*\*IIRC any ship not flying a flag in international waters can be concidered a pirate and the naval (including USCG) forces from any country can board that ship. \*\* Well, lemme ask another question: if I’m in _international_ waters, does the USCG or any other authority have the right to ‘pull me over and board me’, or can I simply refuse? Obviously if a flagged vessel is preparing to launch a few 5" shells over my canoe, I’d stop, but do I _have_ to? And what about in our own waters for that matter? Don’t they need a warrant? Tripler Honest questions from an honest fellah. ---
**Author:** ![Sleepy\_Weasel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Sleepy\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleepy_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/67 "2001-01-09T16:53:50Z")
Actually, even in, oh, say, American territorial waters,you don’t “have to” pull over. You have to right to be sunk silently… ---
**Author:** ![Sleepy\_Weasel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Sleepy\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleepy_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/68 "2001-01-09T17:05:20Z")
Sunken? Sank? Sinked? ---
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/69 "2001-01-09T22:02:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sleepy Weasel \* > \*\*Sunken? > Sank? > Sinked? > \*\* Well since I live on the Gulf of Mexico, my OP regards Floridian pirates. Since we doesn’t have the best eddicashun program heuh, I’m guessing it would be “Sinkered”. But, it could be a Texan pirate. He could just have his pirate brother in Florida do the dirty work instead. ---
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2001, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/70 "2001-01-10T13:10:37Z")
Yes, you know what I am referring to. ---
**Author:** ![Sleepy\_Weasel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Sleepy\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleepy_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2001, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/71 "2001-01-10T15:43:08Z")
That’s ok… I hear most Floridian pirates aren’t strong enough to run you through, so you’ll probably only be dimpled… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2001, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/72 "2001-01-10T17:23:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sleepy Weasel \* > \*\*That’s ok… I hear most Floridian pirates aren’t strong enough to run you through, so you’ll probably only be dimpled… 😃 \*\* Having been run through, I am now running down my legs. ---
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/73 "2001-01-12T12:27:26Z")
I saw those pirates again today. They took all my rum, but I hid a bottle in my pillowcase. ---
**Author:** ![Sleepy\_Weasel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Sleepy\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleepy_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/74 "2001-01-12T15:43:37Z")
Safer to put it someplace they would never look. Try pouring it into an old mouthwash bottle. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/75 "2001-01-12T20:34:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sleepy Weasel \* > \*\*Safer to put it someplace they would never look. Try pouring it into an old mouthwash bottle. 😛 \*\* when I do that, I’m the one that forgets, and Lord knows I love my mouthwash. I have a bottle of it with each meal. Could that be the reason my organs have shut down…? And here I am blaming pirates for my troubles. Arrrgh ---
**Author:** ![jb\_farley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9d8465/32.png) [@jb\_farley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jb_farley)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/76 "2001-01-12T22:52:57Z")
Arrgh, why ye scurvy dogs even be wastin yer dubloons on rum, when ye could be buyin the mouthwash for less? Ay, it be minty fresh and it be alcoholic. And so be I. Arrrrghh. arr, The feart pirate Jaybeard ---
**Author:** ![KV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8baadc/32.png) [@KV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KV)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2001, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/77 "2001-02-09T21:30:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KV \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by The Ryan \* > > \*\* > > > > > [@](#): > > > > > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > > > …but what about the Rodents Of Unusual Size? > > > > I don’t think they really exist. \*\* > > That’s one of my biggest concerns, that the pirates will have rabies infected mega-rodents. The kind you have to shoot twice. Once to kill them, a second time, just cuz they so ugly. \*\* Well, I shot them twice, and one of those buggers lived and came at me with those nasty rat whiskers dipped in vodka. It bit me and then stuck me with the whiskers… that rat bastard. ---
**Author:** ![jb\_farley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9d8465/32.png) [@jb\_farley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jb_farley)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2001, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230/78 "2001-02-10T01:11:49Z")
Arrgh, this thread not be dead yet? To th’ plank with it! And don’t any of ye mutinous dogs give me trouble, or I’ll be keel-haulin the lot of ye… jb [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-i-do-if-attacked-by-pirates/48230.md?page=3)