What do I need for this Baby? Good and Bad Gear Advice Needed

In My Humble Opinion
41

That’s a very healthy attitude and will stand you in good stead on a lot of issues.

I don’t wish to spark a debate on the topic, and in any event I’m a guy and so breast-feeding is not my area, but our experience with ‘lactivism’ was a most unhappy one. My wife very much was convinced that breast-feeding was so preferable, and was told by many experts that anyone can do it if only they try hard enough … but her anatomy let her down in this respect.

Even after numerous meetings with “lactation consultants”, spending over a thousand dollars on home sessions with lactation heathcare professionals, renting an electric pump, reading all of the books (and earnestly taking their advice); taking drugs, herbs, drinking beer; feeding with tubes taped to her nipples, or to our fingers; religiously charting everything; nothing worked. The kid would not latch properly and the milk would not come in sufficient amounts.

Eventually the baby was losing weight and we were worn out, pissed off, and frightened; my wife was in pain. I was mostly pissed off at the advice we were getting, which seemed to be to keep trying and if it doesn’t work its your fault because you aren’t trying enough (or maybe trying too hard) and it’s a myth that it doesn’t work for some women …

We switched to formula, and everything went better (though my wife insisted on pumping for months and supplementing the formula that way). I learned my lesson: do what works for you and don’t let others dictate what is good for you, or scare you into doing what isn’t working. The boy turned out happy and healthy anyway.

42

Should have multi-quoted–didn’t realize there would be so many things I responded to!

We LOVED the Amby, and used it from when she was about a week and a half old onward. Unfortunately, it was recently recalled, and I don’t know if they’re going to be able to fix the problem. Sucks, because we’d just donated it to my best friend, who also loved it with her now four-month-old.

43

My advice…

Find someone who has kids a little older than you and be the handmedown repository - for whatever they have. Babies are babies such a short time and so much of what you spend a gazillion dollars for gets two months of use before its outgrown. You’ll do your friends (who have all the stuff lying around) a favor. Just remember who wants it returned for Baby #2 (or 3 oe 4 or 21) and who never wants to see their baby stuff again.

Don’t be surprised if the things you thought you’d absolutely need or love turn out to gather dust in a closet (I so wanted to be a sling mom - I wasn’t), the things someone told you were a waste of money are lifesavers.

The one thing I’ll absolutely recommend pre-baby is a talk with your pediatrician on what they want you to keep in the house. That first cold is such a huge deal, and having whatever your doctor recommends in the house for fever and sniffles (if they recommend anything) is a huge relief.

44

My due date (for baby #2) was yesterday so all this stuff is very fresh in my mind! You’ve gotten a lot of good advice–mainly that every baby is different, so don’t go overboard buying all the little gadgets and gizmos. I had a girlfriend who registered for not only a wipe-warmer, but a *travel *wipe-warmer! :rolleyes: It is very easy to be over-accessorized for a baby.

For diapers, maybe have two or three different brands on hand to see what works best for your baby. This is where hand-me-downs can be handy–newborns grow out of their diapers so fast most people will have some left over which they’ll be glad to be rid of. That way you can experiment without spending a fortune.

I don’t know what area you’re in, but if you have a Just Between Friends sale in your area, it can be a goldmine. Especially in the first year, babies outgrow their clothes before they get worn out, so you can get a bunch of practically new stuff for very cheap. It’s also a great source for everything you might need or want–strollers, bouncys, wraps, toys, etc. I buy all my daughter’s clothes at JBF, and can usually buy an entire season’s worth of clothes for under $100. (It’s getting a little harder as she gets older, though.) Anyway, here’s a link so you can see if they have one in your area.

45

My baby is 11 weeks old, so this is all fairly fresh for me - and my expertise therefore extends only to 11 weeks as well…

I breastfed like a champ in hospital, but had awful problems once my milk came in, when I got terribly engorgement which stretched my nipples out so tight she couldn’t latch on. The only thing that worked for me was these Aventnipple shields, recommended by my lactation consultant. I know there is a lot of advice against using them, but for me they were the difference between breastfeeding and not breastfeeding. I used them for about 4 weeks and finally weaned myself off them - and now it’s a very easy thing to feed her. It hurts like holy hell to start with - but perservere, it soon stops, and now almost feels pleasant.

Other things that were great - Avent 0-3mo pacifiers - she had a bad habit of staying latched on for an hour or so after finishing eating for some feeds simply enjoying the comfort, and this achieved the same thing. Even now, it can just be the tipping point to get her to sleep if she’s very tired. She very much rejects it when she doesn’t want it, but great for settling. You may need to try different brands - she loves Avent, but hates Nuk, even though to my eye they are pretty much identical.

Large wraps - I’m using 120cm square muslin ones as it’s summer here, but they come in cotton and flannelette too. Great to help them sleep, and I use them as sunshades for her pram and for covering the floor for tummy time.

I cloth nappy her, so can’t advise much about nappies etc, but if you are interested in going that route, BumGenius 3.0 are great - have fit her from a couple of weeks old (and she was a small 3kg baby when born). As easy to put on as disposables, very cute, and costwise will save us several grand, as they can last her to toilet training (and for any other kids that follow).

Accordingly, we use Badger Baby Balm ointment for her bum, as you can’t use zinc products on cloth nappies - and it’s fantastic stuff. Clears up any hint of a rash within a day or so, and good at prevention (when Mum is diligent about using it that is!).

Other things we use regularly:
Slings (one I made myself following this pattern), and an Ergo. Both are the best at settling her (she’ll sleep for 4 hours during the day wandering around the shops etc, and they keep her weight on your hips, which is better for your back. Many people start with a Baby Bjorn, but give up when it gets too much weight - the Ergo etc don’t have this problem.

Playgym - we have a cool wooden one from Ikea, and she’s enjoyed this from far earlier than I ever thought - 6 weeks or so.

We don’t have a separate change table, I made a box with dividers which fits ontop of a chest of drawers which means less floor space required and can be removed when she’s out of nappies.

We have a convertible cot as well, but for the moment she’s sleeping in our room in a bassinet, which is good for feeds at night/first thing in the morning. She’s a good sleeper though, so you may want to shift your baby out sooner rather than later!

In Australia there are very firm recommendations about baby bedding for SIDS prevention - so no using quilts or bumpers etc. I swaddle her at the moment in a Merino Kids babywrap, but have 2 Merino Kids sleeping bags for when she’s a little bigger (up to 2). We also bought a stack of sleeping gowns as mentioned above, which open without snaps making night nappy changes so easy.

And finally, if you have cats (we have 4!), this cot canopy may be handy to prevent them snuggling up with the nice warm milky-smelling thing in the cot… We currently have it over the bassinet, but I’ve found our cats in her pram and big cot, so definitely something worthwhile. Other benefit is that it keeps insects away.

46

Seconded. We bought a bunch of pre-fold diapers because we wanted to cloth diaper but didn’t want to spend the money for the “fancy” pocket diapers. Then my mom bought us a bunch of the BumGenius 3.0s because her neighbor recommended them. We used the pre-folds the first few weeks because the BumGenius covered up her umbilical stump. They were a huge pain. If we only had those I probably would have given up on cloth diapering.

Ooh, I’ll have to give this a try. Right now we’re using Northern Essence, which isn’t quite cutting it. Several times we’ve had to put her in disposables for a day or two so we could use Desitin.

47

I have to second the diaper champ. If you toss in a box of baking soda, it keeps the stench at bay.

A note on diapers: Different babies have different shaped bottoms, so different brand diapers will fit each child differently. You can actually write to the different diaper makers and ask for free samples to experiment. (Another thing they’ll send you is coupons - lots and lots of coupons.)

48

Find out where you can rent a medical-grade breast pump. They should be able to do it right at the hospital. Those things are awesome; they’ll pump both sides at once, and they’re a whole lot simpler than the kinds you can buy. You’ll spend about the same amount on the rental as you’ll spend on formula, and it’s well worth it if you can’t get the kiddo to latch and need to bottle-feed.

Don’t bother buying blankets. When people find out you’re having a baby, the first thing they’ll do is get you a blanket. You’ll receive more than you’ll ever use. I don’t know what you have planned for your sleeping situation, but for our first many months, we went with an Arm’s Reach co-sleeper. It’s a sort of bassinet that attaches to the side of your bed by a long strap, and the side lowers so that you can reach out and soothe the baby if she wakes up in the night. Basically, it’s like sleeping right next to the baby, in a way that’s much safer than having her in bed with you, and you can reach out to her without having to get out of bed. You can get a convertible crib if you like, but if you’re anything like my wife, you’ll never “convert” it; by the time your kid’s out of the crib, you’ll want a “cute” bed that suits the room better.

A swing is very handy. I called ours the “Neglect-O-Matic”. Ours was a Fisher-Price model that plugged into the wall, so we didn’t have to worry about batteries or cranking it up or anything.

It’s been a few years, but what I remember using more than anything those first few months were lots of bottles, a bottle warmer, a good bottle brush, and a microwave sterilizer. I’d wait on the bottles until you find out what works with the pump you rent, and what kind of nipple the kiddo likes; you may have to try several. But the rest you can get now if you want. They make bags that you can put stuff in to sterilize it in the microwave, but I didn’t like those and eventually bought a thing that looked like a covered plastic tray with a removable insert. You put in all the bottles, nipples, and tubing from the pump, add some water, and microwave for a few minutes; the steam and pressure sterilize everything.

What a lot of people seem to overlook is bath stuff. The kiddo will be taking plenty of baths, and it’s convenient (and back-saving) to have a good baby bathtub. Ours had a little mesh hammock to keep the critter out of the water while she was still tiny; we’d gently pour water over her, and it would just drain right through into the bathtub. We’d put washcloths over her to keep her warm while we bathed her. Worked great. You can never have too many baby washcloths.

And I just saw the bit about ointment. What we’ve used from day one is Corona. They sell it in most drugstores, but you may have to ask for it; for some reason, some places keep it behind the pharmacy counter. Great stuff. Kinda thick and pasty at room temperature, but just rub it a bit in your fingers to warm it up to body temp and it smooths out nicely.

Right after we found out my wife was pregnant, her mom started buying us diapers, one package at every paycheck. It was soooo nice to not have to worry about buying diapers for a while after the kiddo was born. If you’re going with disposables, that might be something you want to do.

Books, eh? Frankly, the best book I bought about the first year of the little one’s life was The Poo Bomb: True Tales of Parental Terror. It’s a funny book that takes a lot of the mystique out of the parenting experience. Trust me, you’ll want some stress relief at some point.

49

Hands down, the best item we got when we had our baby was…
A VIDEO BABY MONITOR!!!
They are a bit pricy, $130 - $160. But they are worth it. With my first kid, I can’t count the number of times we would hear the baby cry or be breathing funny on the regular audio monitor and my wife would go in to check on him and he would be fine but wake up when we walked into the room…FRUSTRATING. With video monitor, when you hear them rustle around, or cry, you can check them on the video and wait and see if they settle down before you have to go into their room. It was the greatest thing sincel sliced bread with my second child. Plus it’s hilarious to watch them as they get older just playing in their bed or rooms when they are toddlers.

50

I quite liked Bear With Me, by Diane Flacks, about pregnancy, birth, and the eye-crossing months after. And I really like Operating Instructions, by Ann Lammot, about her son’s first year of life. It’s moderately religious (she’s a liberal Christian), but it so accurately re-creates the feeling of watching your baby grow (including bouts of rage, annoyance, depression, and joy and sappiness) that it’s wonderful for almost anyone who’s thought, “Dear God, am I the only parent who wants to punt my kid through the wall because he only slept for twenty minutes?”

We have a non-video monitor, and I agree- baby monitors are good things to have. Very good things.

51

My breastfeeding went fine, but a girl I met in the delivery ward had a similar story as you guys. She used to come over to my home, the midwife told her she could try being with someone else who was breastfeeding - like it would rub off or something. The babe just didn’t latch on to her small nipples, he couldn’t get the suction going. Many an unhappy afternoon with her crying and the baby crying. She wanted so badly to do it and was so disappointed.

Get as little as possible really, you’ll get gifts. I didn’t buy a set of clothes for my kid until she was two. Stuff gets handed on that they’ve never worn.

52

My best buys:
Tomy Baby Sshh Frog-no, really, it works!

A mobile for the changing table-we have the Infantino flutterbug- put an end to tears during changing and dressing.

Lansinoh- nothing really helps with the pain of the first few weeks of breast-feeding, but this will help a little.

Muslins-get at least 10. They are everything from burp cloths to swaddling blankets, to breast feeding cover-ups to emergency nappies.

Maxi Cosi Cabrio carseat- it rocks when set on the ground and fits onto my buggy wheels, which is very handy.

Tommy Tippee “closer to nature” bottles and breast pumps (I have manual and electric). The pumps are sold as a kit with a bottle, teat and steriliser box. Very convenient if you’re breast feeding because you don’t need to buy anything else. If you store your milk in the special ziplock freezer bags as soon as you express it, you only ever need 2 bottles.

A clock that ticks loudly for the baby’s room- you can time feeds and she gets comfort from the sound.

A musical night light- we have one that plays lullabies with lights initially,and is then sound activated, so that if the baby wakes she is soothed back over to sleep by the music. Lifesaver.
Things I wished I hadn’t bought:
Dummies/soothers- I tried every brand from Avent to Nuby and supermarket own brands- she hates them all and sucks her thumb.

A ring sling- she hated it, never liked being held in a cradle hold and much preferred the baby bjorn style carrier, but even with a small baby I couldn’t comfortably carry her after she reached 7kg. YMMV.

Breast Pads- I wish I had listened to my mother who told me that after the first week she never leaked milk. Me too- I still have a box of the things that is 3/4 full.

Newborn clothing- beyond an outfit for the hospital I needn’t have bothered- people give you stuff.

Things I have managed without:
An expensive chaning bag- I have my handbag, a cheap changing mat and use a cheap toiletry bag in my handbag to store nappies and wipes etc. A couple of ziplock freezer bags for dirty clothes and you’re good.

A diaper champ/genie. I have a pedal bin from Ikea and buy cheap tie-close nappy bags from the supermarket (75p for 150). Breastfed baby poop is really not that smelly- emptying the bin on alternate days and putting a couple of drops of tea tree oil on a tissue at the bottom of the bin liner works for us.

A breast feeding cover- muslins, baby blankets or artfully arranged wraps, shawls or cardigans are perfectly adequate.

As long as you have somewhere for the baby to sleep during the day and night ( probably a moses’ basket or pram ) during the first few weeks when you need to keep them in the same room as you 24/7, a carseat, some sort of buggy or pram and somewhere safe to change the baby ( either a changing table or a cheap mat on the floor), you’ll be fine.

53

I forgot a couple of things.

I have neither the Boppy, nor My Breast friend pillow- what I have is a simple soft, C-shaped pillow that was sold as a set with a wedge pillow as a pregnancy comfort set. It has been a godsend- the wedge and pillow were great from about 18weeks onward of the pregnancy when sitting or lying comfortably became an issue, then the C-pillow was great for nursing, and now I use it to support irishbaby as she learns to sit.

As far as books- I’m a big believer that you know more than you think you do and you should trust your instincts and do what works for you and your baby. Thus, the only “baby” book I’d actually recommend is The Baby Owner’s Manual- it is aimed at dads, so gives you the essentials and lets you work out the rest. It doesn’t push a “philosophy” or “method” or suggest that there is only one right way of doing things- I like that. For example- it outlines both the “no-cry” and two different “cry” methods of getting your baby to sleep through the night- then lets you decide which one to do.
I’ve got Annabel Karmel’s Complete Baby and Toddler Meal Planner- which I don’t follow to the letter, but which has given me some great recipes for weaning. If you want to make your own baby food rather than rely solely on jars, this is a good resource.

54

Another big advantage of such a clock is that it will comfort you that, yes, the babymonitor is working fine, because you hear the clock ticking.

I loved large clocks on the wall when I was breastfeeding. Allowed me to tell time without moving when the baby had just latched on so well.

This may be a bit TMI, but, but many pregnant moms have a little trouble with bladder control. There are special panty liners (not the regular kind!) that are great for masking a little unvoluntary urine loss.

Dopers told me about the free weekly e-mail newsletter at babycenter.com. A great and time-saving way to get information just when you need it that is tailored to a particular week. I loved the “your baby this week” info when I was pregnant, and even today the “your toddler this week” e-mail letter is stull very useful.

I started our with tons of different soaps and baby shampoos. It turned out those are quite often completely unnecessary, and even make it worse. You basically use an agressive detergent to get the protective layers off your babies bum, so you have to coat it with yet another product.
From the first day on, we used nothing but water (and the teensiest bit of soap on our hands for those deep skin folds) on our babies skin. We bathed him at most once or twice a week. (and after every exploded diaper). We did use the occasional zinc-oxide cream on his diaper area, because, after all, wearing a diaper is not something evolution designed our skins to withstand.

Our baby had the clearest, smoothest bottom skin ever, and hardly any diaper rash.

But, our baby didn’t care much for a bath, so we skimped where we could. Some babies love their baths.

We shampood his hair only once every two weeks. And that was enough, as all the advocates of going no-poo will tell you. Of course, we used baby shampoo. The difference is that baby shampoo contains only the detergent betain, not the usual cheaper, but more agressive sodium laureth sulfate. )

So, no “mosturizing” baby baths. No relaxing lavender oils or baby bath salts. All those do is dirt up your plastic baby bath tub.

My final and best tip: buy second hand whenever you can. See it not as depriving your baby, but instead you have the stuff being pre-tested by another baby. Also, you’ll safe money for eitherr his college fund, or, even more useful, for a cleaning lady so mom and dad don’t get so terribly tired and stressed out.

For instance, I could have bought a complete new baby funtiture set for 800 bucks. Instead, I bought an Ikea commode and changed it a bit, and bought a second hand Amby baby bed. (here’s a movie of his room). That saved me 600 bucks. An cleaning lady cost me 10 bucks an hour, so 30 bucks for a morning. So the 600 bucks I saved, bought me 20 weeks of a clean, well ordered home and five extra hours (the cleaning lady cleaned much more efficiently then I would have) of relaxed sleep a week. A complete and utter no-brainer.

55

Vicki Iovine’s book “Girlfriend’s Guide to the First Year”

Harvey Karp’s DVD “Happiest Baby on the Block”

And, if your place is carpeted, a steam cleaner.

The other best asset is other mothers. Join a group, either IRL or online. But BEWARE the ones who Know The One True Path, because there is no such thing.

56

irishbaby is blessed with extrememly good skin. She is bathed everyday and we shampoo every other day- with, I’m sorry to say Johnson&Johnson baby bedtime wash. No rashes, eczema or anything.

She used the Tummy tub until 5 months and a bath seat in the big bath after that.

So, I’m afraid, once again YMMV.

57

I think everything has been most thoroughly covered – and I now think my kids were deprived as all I really bought to start with was a front/back baby carrier, a stroller, a car seat of course, chinese prefolds, kimono gowns, and glass gerber bottles. Oh, and diaper pins and rubber pants. I am too stupid for the things with the velcro, never could get them to work. People give you waaay too many clothes, and I stuck with gowns for the initial period.

My mother got me a diaper service for the first three months so I didn’t have to buy newborn size diapers. I made their changing table (I am under 5’ tall and they are all too big for me) and my kids didn’t get beds until they could walk as Eldest slept with us and Youngest slept first with us and then with Eldest. I did have a moses basket that first held my mother as an infant. I bathed my kids in the sink.

Oh, I know what you need very badly that no one mentions: A nailclipper in a teeny tiny size. Humans are not born with teeth, so they grow freaking claws – or both of mine did. And have no control of their hands, yet somehow manage to claw themselves and everybody in the vicinity bloody. Cut the nails while baby is asleep or nursing, it’s much easier that way.

58

Oh, and after the first six weeks of breastfeeding, once your supply is well-established, get yourself a pair of Lilypadz. They are reusable silicone breast pads that stay in place and are invisible under clothing.

59

I’d looked into these, as the washable eco ones I have are visible from space especially under tshirts, but was worried that sweat/lack of breathability could cause a rash or blocked pores. Have you found that a problem, or not?

60

The main thing is to remember that babies are remarkably durable little things. We’ve been having them for a very long time, and, for the most part, things work out. Pay no attention to people or books that clain if you don’t do everything exactly according to their program, your kid will be permanently ruined.

Feed 'em (whatever works for you), hug 'em, love 'em. Keep them safe (but don’t wrap the world in bubble wrap), play with them, discipline them (appropriately) as needed, and they’ll turn out OK.