# What do Parents of Young Convicts do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2018, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149 "2018-02-04T04:08:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/1 "2018-02-04T04:08:46Z")
I was reading the sad story of the Slender Man stabbing, and the [resulting 40 year sentence](https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/02/02/582618068/wisconsin-teen-sentenced-to-40-years-in-mental-hospital-for-slender-man-stabbing)for one of the perpetrators (to a mental institution). Being that this girl is so young (15), I was wondering what a parent does in that situation. Moreover, in other cases where a young adult gets a stiff sentence, or even when an adult child gets “life”, how does a parent handle that? In all cases, it’s like a large part of your kid’s life will be in the custody of the state. A few years ago on a bike trip we passed Pelican Bay near Crescent City, CA. One of the cyclists mentioned that towns try to attract these maximum security facilities to boost the local economy, but eventually, inmates’ families move to town to be closer to their loved-one, and these families are not always as wholesome as the locals, which causes issues. I hope to never need to know this myself, but what does a parent do? In the case of that girl, do you try to go on with your life? Like, plan for your future, take vacations, party once in a while? I imagine it would be hard at first to try and move on with your own life, while still be supportive of your own child behind bars (I am sure there is visitation). Do the parents move around the country when their child is transferred to another facility? Anyone know? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/2 "2018-02-04T04:13:06Z")
I have no experience, but I could imagine some Parents write that child off as lost, and never see them again. Sort of a self-protection type thing. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/3 "2018-02-04T04:32:22Z")
Not sure this a GQ question, mods? FME dealing with juvenile offenders. Runs the gauntlet, from fighting tooth and nail for their offspring, to being uninterested. Unfortunately, since Young Offenders tend to come from less than ideal circumstances, the latter is more common. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/4 "2018-02-04T06:22:28Z")
These usually don’t have long sentences and may not even have a sentence (their parents have lost custody instead), but one of my cousins is the Gardening teacher at the local reformatory. Many of the kids arrive with a history of violent behavior; he tells of parents who, upon being asked if there was ever violence in the house, denied it violently. Some of the kids have parents who hadn’t even realized the kid wasn’t home; a history of not realizing they’ve lost a duckling, or the cops bringing the kid home and finding the parents high or drunk, is a relatively frequent reason for temporary loss of custody. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/5 "2018-02-04T06:38:55Z")
**Moderator Action** > [@AK84](#): > > Not sure this a GQ question, mods? Yeah, probably not. You might be able to find some study to cite, but I doubt it. This will probably end up being answered mostly by anecdotes and opinions, so let’s move it to IMHO (from GQ). ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/6 "2018-02-04T06:39:01Z")
One of the Slenderman kids is herself the daughter of two schizophrenics who met while they were in a mental institution, which doesn’t exactly lead to a bright genetic future. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/7 "2018-02-04T07:44:36Z")
Kip Kinkel was sentenced to 111 years without the possibility of parole. He killed his parents (as well as other people), so obviously there are no parental visits. I know his sister used to visit him, and probably still does. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/8 "2018-02-04T09:04:15Z")
My son has made it to 16 with only 1 minor juvenile offense. Dealing with that was enough to irreparably harm the family in many ways. I wish I could say that was the end of that, but I’m not optimistic. At least he’s made it to this point without being incarcerated. I suppose mental illness can do a number on one’s “wholesomeness.” ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/9 "2018-02-04T11:07:34Z")
I work with someone who’s kid is on death row. I don’t know him well, but interact in meetings and for many years was only a few cubes away in our office. This case appeared to be a normal upper-middle class family who’s kid went horribly and unexpectedly astray, made a terrible choice and killed someone. My observations (keep in mind, I wasn’t really studying the guy’s behavior before, so grains of salt, etc.) He’s become very quiet and reserved. Rarely (I think never) goes out for lunch with the others. All family photos are gone, replaced with pictures of him and wife hiking, outdoors in what appear to be very isolated places. I haven’t examined the photos in detail, but from what I see there are no other people in them. I get the impression of someone seeking solitude and peace in the wilderness (but just an impression). I recently moved to another area and haven’t seen this person in over a year. I don’t know if the death sentence has been carried out yet, or if he still works at our company. ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/10 "2018-02-04T11:26:45Z")
One of my cousins murdered a random person in broad daylight because he thought it was someone who had stolen his car the previous month. It was an open and shut conviction due to multiple witnesses but his parents desperately believed his innocence fueled by my cousins own claims of innocence despite all possible evidence to the contrary and they spent over $50,000 in lawyer fees out of pocket trying to argue for a new trial. He wound up serving 10 years out of a 25 year sentence due to some technicality in his original case (nothing to do with the retrial attempts) and his immediate family still supports him and claims him innocent but everyone else in the family think he’s a murdering shitbag who deserved to stay in jail. ---
**Author:** ![PoppaSan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/poppasan/32/189_2.png) [@PoppaSan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoppaSan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/11 "2018-02-04T13:15:05Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I have no experience, but I could imagine some Parents write that child off as lost, and never see them again. Sort of a self-protection type thing. Some, not any I have met. To never be seen or spoken of again? A few years ago my son messed up and spent a year in county custody when he was 20. My wife or I visited him every week. Talked about what his siblings and classmates were doing. Discussed sports teams. Kept up his phone access account and his commissary funds so he could buy toothpaste and razors and have the occasional special meal. Also kept his car payments and student loan payments up. That was actually harder to do than it appears. Bank did not want to release his checking / savings accounts to make his payments at the same institution. Luckily he still had the account he had as a child that mom was on and I had co-signed his car loan so we both had interests in his assets. We were a quiet stay at home a lot type family before, but are even more so now. Activities we once did seem to no longer have any meaning. Most of the joy has gone out of the house. Even now that he is out. It’s like our extended family and lesser known acquaintances cut us out of events. “Didn’t think you’d be interested, thought you had other plans” type excuses. ETA: If he was in for life? I am not sure how long we could have kept it going. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/12 "2018-02-04T15:29:18Z")
> [@susan](#): > > Kip Kinkel was sentenced to 111 years without the possibility of parole. He killed his parents (as well as other people), so obviously there are no parental visits. I know his sister used to visit him, and probably still does. Did he ask for clemency at the sentencing because he was an orphan? (FYI: the standard definition of _chutzpah_.) ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/13 "2018-02-04T15:33:29Z")
there used to be a juvenile prison not far from where I live. I would see people lined up outside the gates on visiting days. I think for kids on short stays they get a good amount of parent visits but it varies as to how much. If the parent is close by they visit more often. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/14 "2018-02-04T15:58:06Z")
Agree on the forum move. **PoppaSan** , thank you for sharing your story. It sounds very difficult. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2018, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/15 "2018-02-05T16:49:11Z")
There is a well-regarded documentary called “Lost For Life” about people serving life sentences for crimes committed in their youth. I have not seen it and so do not know whether it addresses the OP’s question, but it seems likely that it would. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2018, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/16 "2018-02-05T23:19:43Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > One of the Slenderman kids is herself the daughter of two schizophrenics who met while they were in a mental institution, which doesn’t exactly lead to a bright genetic future. ☹ I think it’s just the dad who is schizophrenic (I’ve watched the doc twice - but maybe I’m wrong). ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2018, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/17 "2018-02-05T23:27:08Z")
> [@PoppaSan](#): > > we kept his car payments and student loan payments up. That was actually harder to do than it appears. Bank did not want to release his checking / savings accounts to make his payments at the same institution. Luckily he still had the account he had as a child that mom was on and I had co-signed his car loan so we both had interests in his assets. We were a quiet stay at home a lot type family before, but ETA: If he was in for life? I am not sure how long we could have kept it going. I’ve always wondered what happens with a person’s finances when they are imprisoned. If s/he doesn’t have family who can take on bills, does a person’s credit card/car/student loans go into default then collections? ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2018, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/18 "2018-02-06T01:16:43Z")
> [@Jennshark](#): > > I’ve always wondered what happens with a person’s finances when they are imprisoned. If s/he doesn’t have family who can take on bills, does a person’s credit card/car/student loans go into default then collections? I spend a lot of time on a personal finance message board, and someone just posted there yesterday in this exact situation. He had been visiting New York City, got arrested in a hotel room where cocaine was found, and was jailed for months awaiting trial. Eventually he was released and all charges dropped. But meanwhile his bills had in fact all gone to collections. Apparently he had tried to have his brother take care of his payments, but issues similar to those **PoppaSan** references prevented this. The banks did not want to allow the brother access to his funds without a long, complex process with many pitfalls. It sounded like a nightmare scenario to me. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2018, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/19 "2018-02-06T02:37:06Z")
> [@susan](#): > > Kip Kinkel was sentenced to 111 years without the possibility of parole. He killed his parents (as well as other people), so obviously there are no parental visits. I know his sister used to visit him, and probably still does. If he hadn’t killed his parents, they too would be serving long prison sentences IMNSHO because they purchased the weapons, for him, that he eventually used to shoot them and his classmates. Why? Because his father believed that learning to fire a gun would be a healthy way to do father/son bonding. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2018, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149/20 "2018-02-06T02:41:23Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > There is a well-regarded documentary called “Lost For Life” about people serving life sentences for crimes committed in their youth. I have not seen it and so do not know whether it addresses the OP’s question, but it seems likely that it would. I just saw it on Netflix Instant Watch within the past few weeks. The only one who had parents who visited regularly (assuming they were still alive to do so; not all of them were, and guess why) was also the only one who, when the interviews went a little deeper, was someone that most people would not have expected to end up in prison. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-parents-of-young-convicts-do/808149.md?page=2)