# What do straight guys really think about guys who are gay? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 25, 2024, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758 "2024-04-25T21:39:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/61 "2024-04-26T14:55:53Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > Largely, I just don’t care. That’s my position. If you are straight I don’t care either. What you do in your bedroom isn’t any of my business, nor is it anything I want to hear about. (Same goes for your diet and religion) ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/62 "2024-04-26T15:10:57Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > To be bluntly honest, I believe the majority of reflexive thought of straight men towards gays will always be of some sort of in-built revulsion. More or less on the same level as seeing someone enthusiastically eating strawberries and emphatically turning down a lime. I love limes and don’t like the taste and smell of strawberries, so that makes that person weird with a bit of “ewww” and a shake of the head, but there’s no powerful emotional investment in that assessment unless everyone in my social world has made a huge honking deal about the matter. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/63 "2024-04-26T15:22:14Z")
> [@gman\_AK](#): > > Do you wonder why the hell we aren’t attracted to women? Not a guy, here, but I will chime in on this. I do, but from a scientific standpoint. In nature, evolution favors attributes that are useful to the continuance and health of a species. I’m wondering how that applies here. Is it nature’s method of population control? Is it even genetic at all, or it environmental or just random chance? I find this approach to the subject very interesting. Socially, it doesn’t matter to me at all. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/64 "2024-04-26T15:59:27Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > Not a guy, here, but I will chime in on this. I do, but from a scientific standpoint. In nature, evolution favors attributes that are useful to the continuance and health of a species. I’m wondering how that applies here. Is it nature’s method of population control? Is it even genetic at all, or it environmental or just random chance? I find this approach to the subject very interesting. Socially, it doesn’t matter to me at all. There’s a theory that the nieces and nephews of gay people, who until recently would have been less likely to reproduce, might have had better survival rates than children who had no childless uncles or aunts. I don’t know whether there’s anything in that theory. It might just be that sexual attraction is complicated, and it isn’t always going to come out the same way. And I suspect that a whole lot more people are somewhere on the bi spectrum than realize it, in any society that denigrates everything other than heterosexuality. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/65 "2024-04-26T16:31:48Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > To be bluntly honest, I believe the majority of reflexive thought of straight men towards gays will always be of some sort of in-built revulsion. That majority may diminish as time goes on but I don’t think it will fall below 50% or so. Sexual orientation is pretty hard-wired, and people who say “ewww” when they see two men kissing were probably not taught to think of it as gross, it was instinctive. > > That’s not the same thing as their **political** views - plenty of straight men will vote to support LGBT rights. But that’s “tolerance” - tolerating something you may not personally or naturally like No, that’s just nonsense. I’m straight, but my mother treasures a picture of me at about five, kissing my best friend David (on the lips). The discomfort some straight men feel at seeing two men kiss or hold hands – a discomfort I reluctantly admit that I sometimes still feel - is a purely learned reaction. My closest college friend did me the huge honor of being the first person he came out to. We had a somewhat rocky few years, as I discovered pockets of homophobia I didn’t know I had; but watching him learn about his community taught me some things too, and I was able to overcome a lot of my biases and ignorance. Thirty years later, we’re still close; in fact, my wife and I stayed with him and his husband when we went to New York for the eclipse. @gman_AK, unfortunately, you will encounter some straight men who think you’re gross, or immoral, or even going to Hell, just because you’re gay. I’m so sorry, but that it the sad truth. However, you will also find men who don’t have any problem with your sexuality, and are completely unfazed by it. And I suspect the majority of men, and women, simply won’t care – most of us inhabit solar systems that revolve around our own heads. I can tell you that if I met you, I wouldn’t think any more or less of you because of your sexuality. > [@gman\_AK](#): > > I am an Ohio State Buckeyes fan. If you don’t root for that team up north, we should be able to get along just fine. Ohio State fans, on the other hand, fill me with disgust. 😊 > [@gman\_AK](#): > > I get it. I see a beautiful woman and can totally get why men are sexually attracted to her. I am aware of all the things that get men sexually aroused, it just doesn’t create the same reaction in me. > I spend a fair amount of time with a woman who won an international beauty contest. She is smoking hot, smart, humble, funny… she is ALL that. And it is totally wasted on me. None of that stirs even a little bit of sexual attraction. It is kinda funny the men who would love to hang out with her and I am the one who gets to spend so much time with her. That could be why she hangs out with you – I’ve heard women talk about the comfort of being with a man who doesn’t, even subconciously, view them as sexual objects. ---
**Author:** ![Boudicca90](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boudicca90/32/16818_2.png) [@Boudicca90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boudicca90)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/66 "2024-04-26T16:46:15Z")
I had many of the same questions when I was realizing my sexuality as a teen, although this was in the late 90’s to early 2000’s. Realizing I was gay at a time when it was becoming somewhat more accepted due to thinks like Ellen coming out and Will and Grace was better, but there was still a lot of homophobia out there and still few legal rights and protections for us. An even bigger problem was that I realized a little later that I was transgender as well and that caused me even more distress since as least society was at least moving in a more positive direction on gay rights and acceptance, but not so much on trans rights. So I lived my life as a gay man and didn’t really have hardly any resistance to it from other people, even in the military (still DADT, but everyone pretty much suspected). But it also wasn’t who I really was and I was only living out of fear of how I would potentially be treated if I transitioned. Finally I got to the point where I realized I would have to transition or I would die, so I finally went through with it and now as a polysexual trans woman I have thankfully realized my fears were unfounded. Also helps that I pass pretty well. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/67 "2024-04-26T16:46:43Z")
Related: I have observed a strong correlation between guys who make me uncomfortable, especially ones who make me uncomfortably aware of their sexual interest in me, and guys who are homophobic. I think that they are terrified that some guy is looking at them the way they are looking at me. (And other women.) ---
**Author:** ![Noelq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noelq/32/16438_2.png) [@Noelq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noelq)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/68 "2024-04-26T17:57:59Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > > [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > > > Largely, I just don’t care. > > That’s my position. If you are straight I don’t care either. What you do in your bedroom isn’t any of my business, nor is it anything I want to hear about. > > (Same goes for your diet and religion) Same here. And I am a conservative, Right-leaning, Trump supporter. Do what you want, I don’t care, as long as I don’t have to hear about it. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/69 "2024-04-26T19:01:01Z")
Congratulations on coming out (to us, at least.) I will share with you my favorite coming out story of a conversation my best friend had with her father when she was a teenager. “Dad, I’m gay. I like women. I have a girlfriend.” “Huh. Okay. Just don’t let it interfere with your school work.” > [@themapleleaf](#): > > To tell you the truth, there are things heterosexual couples do the thought of which repulses me. I’m actually asexual myself. There, I said it. I finally came out with this on SD. I’m asexual. Just want to acknowledge you too. I’ve known and treasured LGBTQA people in my life since I was six years old. My sister in law is about to have a baby with her wife and I’m going to be an Aunt! The people who matter will love you for who you are. That’s true no matter who you are. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/70 "2024-04-26T19:09:02Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > There is, supposedly, research to support the notion that people who openly express a disgust reaction over things like food, are also prone to being intolerant in other ways (including intolerance of other people’s freedoms at a more fundamental level than food). Interesting. I don’t openly express my disgust but I am actually super sensitive to what other people are eating. I get nauseated just looking at a bottle of ketchup on my table. My four year old son is much more so. He won’t eat around other people with the exception of his parents (sometimes) and if I change up what I’m eating to something unexpected he will argue with me about what I’m supposed to be eating and leave the table. He doesn’t give a shit about gender though, and I doubt he ever will. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/71 "2024-04-26T19:31:23Z")
I do not recall ever deciding to be straight, and so I assume that gay people never decided to be gay. Coming out, as it were, as straight was easy for me in the '50s/'60s, and accepting oneself as gay is different from deciding to be gay. And healthy, too. As for ickiness, yes, I find gay sex icky, but I assume gay people find the sex I like as icky, and plenty of heterosexual sex is icky also. And back 45 years ago when it mattered my reaction was kind of “good, less competition.” It is great that my kids are naturally unbigoted, while I sometimes have to make an effort. Some things are getting better. ---
**Author:** ![Steven\_Maven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steven_maven/32/3272_2.png) [@Steven\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steven_Maven)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/72 "2024-04-26T19:40:24Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I believe the majority of reflexive thought of straight men towards gays will always be of some sort of in-built revulsion. That majority may diminish as time goes on but I don’t think it will fall below 50% or so. Sexual orientation is pretty hard-wired, and people who say “ewww” when they see two men kissing were probably not taught to think of it as gross, it was instinctive. Do you have any scientific evidence to back up your opinion? Until you can provide a citation, I suggest that you are speaking only for yourself, and are projecting your own opinion onto others straight males. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/73 "2024-04-26T19:52:36Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > In nature, evolution favors attributes that are useful to the continuance and health of a species. I’m wondering how that applies here. Your first sentence is generally true, I guess. This has nothing to do with individual sexual preferences. Mechanisms that developed through millions of years in mammals, such as how hormones work, are not exact, machine-like mechanisms, but they are variable and can produce different results in different specific organisms. When you are wondering why some men are not attracted to women, you should at the same time be asking why other men _are_ attracted to women. Take any non-sapient mammal, and the sexual attraction of males to females has nothing to do with the attractiveness of the female. If the female is in heat and available, the male will probably try to mate with her. Humans are, by and large, not driven by this mechanism, therefore other processes are in place, processes that are less directed towards procreation and more towards pleasure. I’m no expert in all this, so I can’t really take it much further, but there is a lot of literature out there about human sexuality, and none of it has to do with “mother nature” or evolution. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/74 "2024-04-26T19:56:55Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > As for ickiness, yes, I find gay sex icky, but I assume gay people find the sex I like as icky, and plenty of heterosexual sex is icky also. I think that most of us find any sex that doesn’t excite us to be icky. Ask any 6 year old. I didn’t think a lot about what my friends do in bed. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/75 "2024-04-26T20:18:21Z")
Gay mannerisms are just that. When my best friend (since we were four years old) came out in high school, he went all the way with the mannerisms. From none until then, to them all, from one month to the next. Mascara, eye rolling, calling everyone sister. He liked acting. I know lots of gay men, have for decades. Most have no stereotypical mannerisms at all. It’s a choice. ---
**Author:** ![Tride](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tride/32/13907_2.png) [@Tride](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tride)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/76 "2024-04-26T20:24:17Z")
I don’t think this is an act–he shrieks like a little girl if you surprise him. I can tell it’s him by his walk from a hundred yards away. Pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![Boudicca90](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boudicca90/32/16818_2.png) [@Boudicca90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boudicca90)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/77 "2024-04-26T20:31:20Z")
My lack of stereotypically gay attributes often led people to describe me as straight-acting when I was a guy, which gave me a false sense of confidence before I joined the Air Force and eventually realized most other airmen suspected I was gay. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/78 "2024-04-26T20:34:31Z")
There are probably lots of reasons why people might _feel_ disgust over food and eating practices, and not all of those are going to be linked to a general sense of intolerance. As far as I understand it, the intolerance link was purported to be related to the _compulsion to express disgust_ - to tell other people that what they are eating is disgusting, or that they are preparing or eating it in a disgusting way. This maybe makes more sense, since the kind of disgust we’re discussing is often about trying to exert control, or to impose norms on others - if you think about cases where you get people making public anti-gay arguments, that’s often not the only thing that person will be arguing that _other people are doing wrong_. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/79 "2024-04-26T21:20:23Z")
As a mid-70s baby boomer antique, I have to admit to being a typical dickhead when I was younger. Gay people were pretty much all in the closet unless they wanted to be ostracized or worse. I was part of the “ick, that’s disgusting” part of humanity. I have mellowed over the decades and have had gay friends, although I admit to mentally shunting the whole sex aspect of things into a corner of my mind. I have a gay grandson, a smart man who doing well in the world despite autism issues. I also have a gay. . .um. . .grandperson(?). She/he (I still have trouble with this) came out as bi and changed their name to something asexual. The kid is a teen and also has some autism issues. I do NOT understand what all the different letters and designations mean and don’t have the patience at my age to try to keep it all straight. ---
**Author:** ![themapleleaf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/themapleleaf/32/14349_2.png) [@themapleleaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/themapleleaf)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758/80 "2024-04-26T22:04:37Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Congratulations on coming out (to us, at least.) > > I will share with you my favorite coming out story of a conversation my best friend had with her father when she was a teenager. > > “Dad, I’m gay. I like women. I have a girlfriend.” > > “Huh. Okay. Just don’t let it interfere with your school work.” > > > [@themapleleaf](#): > > > > To tell you the truth, there are things heterosexual couples do the thought of which repulses me. I’m actually asexual myself. There, I said it. I finally came out with this on SD. I’m asexual. > > Just want to acknowledge you too. Thank you, @Spice_Weasel. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-guys-really-think-about-guys-who-are-gay/1000758.md?page=5)