# What do straight men \*really\* think of women who make the first move?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [April 14, 2005, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210 "2005-04-14T00:11:24Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/1 "2005-04-14T00:11:24Z")
Yes, what prompted me to start this thread is an online dating situation ( š ), but Iām also interested in āreal lifeā answers. Itās nearly impossible to do a meaningful search for recent similar threads, and I donāt remember seeing one lately, but advance apologies if Iām beating a too-recently-dead horse. š
So, I just sent a message to a guy on [Match.com](http://Match.com) who caught my eye. Iām definitely not new at, or shy about, being the one to send the first message, but for some reason this got me thinking: what do guys _really_ think of women who approach them first? Iāve done so in real life, too, though not nearly as often as I do when Iām in online dating mode.
To disclaim just a little, Iām someone who firmly believes that there is no true statement that can start with the words āMost menā¦ā (well, except maybe if it finishes with āhave a penisā). Iām not out for generalizations, Iād like the opinions of the straight men here who have been approached by women (either online or IRL) in the past. ( **Sampiro** , **matt\_mcl** , **SolGrundy** , et al: I love you guys, but your reactions to women just aināt what Iām lookinā for. ;))
So, my approachable straight male co-Dopers, whaddya think? Once you get over the shock, are you usually flattered? Does it tend to affect your opinion of the woman at all, regardless of whether you find her attractive/interesting?
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### Author:  [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/2 "2005-04-14T00:14:55Z")
Well, Iām not a straight man, but I did make the first move and jumped him on the first date. Heās marrying me soon.
So, I would say with some confidence, that he was flattered and enjoyed my move-making.
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### Author:  [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/3 "2005-04-14T00:24:45Z")
I have had this happen to me 2-4 times in my life, I enjoyed it each time. I see nothing wrong with it, and I prefer it since it makes things alot easier for me, I donāt have to filter out tons of women who arenāt into me to find the ones who are when women do this.
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### Author:  [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/4 "2005-04-14T00:44:07Z")
I married one.
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### Author:  [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/5 "2005-04-14T00:47:32Z")
I am not a straight man either, but I just want to take a moment to express my admiration of bold women like **Misnomer** and **FilmGeek**. You inspire me. I am a wuss in first-move social interaction, but itās cool, seeing it done, and fellows seem to like it. A lot.
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### Author:  [@Low\_Key\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Low_Key_1)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/6 "2005-04-14T00:53:20Z")
I like it. Iām a bit shy about talking to women I donāt know, so I definately see them approaching me as a good thing. Besides, if they approached me I can be much more certain that they are interested instead of having to second guess myself.
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### Author:  [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/7 "2005-04-14T00:55:44Z")
As long as theyāre nice, then I say less work for me. Women making the first move are generally a welcome change.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/8 "2005-04-14T00:56:15Z")
Before I came out as bisexual, I always thought to myself, āIf I ever date a guy, itās going to be because he made the first move. Iām going to take advantage of the fact that there arenāt any antiquated gender expectations and let the other guy sweat about being rejected.ā
Inside of a week of coming out, I asked **SolGrundy** out. So much for that plan. The really annoying part? When I asked him, the first thing he said was, āI was about to ask you the same thing!ā If Iād just waited a couple more daysā¦ Ah, well. Canāt really complain, considering how well things worked out.
So, anyway, to get back to the OP, this half-straight guy is all in favor of women making the first move.
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### Author:  [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/9 "2005-04-14T00:58:57Z")
Well Iām a very shy person so Iād very much like it if a woman would.
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### Author:  [@Arwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arwin)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/10 "2005-04-14T01:01:18Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#):
>
> I am not a straight man either, but I just want to take a moment to express my admiration of bold women like **Misnomer** and **FilmGeek**. You inspire me. I am a wuss in first-move social interaction, but itās cool, seeing it done, and fellows seem to like it. A lot.
I am a straight guy, have been with a few girls, and they generally took the first step. Me taking the first step has definitely been the exception, and when it comes to sex or even kissing, Iāve never taken the first step. Fortunately it doesnāt seem to have restricted my love life too much. š
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### Author:  [@Nightime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightime)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/11 "2005-04-14T01:01:46Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Does it tend to affect your opinion of the woman at all, regardless of whether you find her attractive/interesting?
I canāt separate it from how attractive/interesting the woman is to me.
If I like her, then her making the first move will make me like her even more.
If Iām not attracted/interested in her, then it will make me very uncomfortable.
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### Author:  [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/12 "2005-04-14T01:02:19Z")
I think itād be freaking awesome.
But then, I have issues.
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### Author:  [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/13 "2005-04-14T01:41:44Z")
**Smeghead** stole my line. Word for word. 'Cept I wasnāt going to add that second part.
So, to reiterate: itād be freaking awesome. Or rather, speaking as one to whom it has happened on two occasions: it is freaking awesome. This, despite the fact that one of them was an ex-crack whore who was interested in little more than trying to jump me. I still considered it a compliment, even as I reclothed her and ushered her out the door (donāt ask how she got in; long story). The second occasion turned out somewhat better; I posted a thread about it in MPSIMS a while back.
Going both by my own experiences and my observations, I can say with much conviction that, as a woman, not only will making the first move not harm your chances of getting what (whom) youāre after, but will quite likely improve them, and significantly so. In fact, a man who would otherwise take little notice of you might just be persuaded by your boldness into an active interest.
Itās been said before, but I genuinely believe that most of you ladies donāt realize exactly how much power lies ā often dormant ā in your hands, where this sort of thing is concerned.
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### Author:  [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/14 "2005-04-14T01:45:44Z")
> [@Roland Orzabal](#):
>
> \Going both by my own experiences and my observations, I can say with much conviction that, as a womanā¦\
:smack:
For the record, Iām a guy. A guy with a knack for misleading phraseology, but a guy nonetheless. I trust you all know what I meant by the āpersonal experiencesā part.
Just thought Iād head off any confusion and/or wiseacres.
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### Author:  [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/15 "2005-04-14T01:47:47Z")
I donāt see any problems with a girl making the first move.
In fact, I encourage it.
Hopefully soon[sup]\*[/sup].
[sup]Itās been a while for me. So long that the cat walks out of the room backwards.[/sup]
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/16 "2005-04-14T01:47:59Z")
Hetero female here, sorry. I made the first move on the guy whoās now my husband. Apparently I scared the hell out of him (he was less experienced than I and rather shy to start), but that very rapidly was forgotten. š
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### Author:  [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/17 "2005-04-14T02:07:05Z")
> [@Roland Orzabal](#):
>
> :smack:
>
> For the record, Iām a guy. A guy with a knack for misleading phraseology, but a guy nonetheless. I trust you all know what I meant by the āpersonal experiencesā part.
>
> Just thought Iād head off any confusion and/or wiseacres.
Well, I wasnāt going to say anything, but it would have put your unique guy perspective in a whole new light, to say the least.
> [@Arwin](#):
>
> I am a straight guy, have been with a few girls, and they generally took the first step. Me taking the first step has definitely been the exception, and when it comes to sex or even kissing, Iāve never taken the first step. Fortunately it doesnāt seem to have restricted my love life too much.
This is the kind of thing I need to hear. Er, read. Before I put myself out there and say something possibly embarrassing, I need to know it wonāt be laughed at, at the very least.
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### Author:  [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/18 "2005-04-14T02:17:44Z")
How are we defining āfirst moveā here? Simply asking the guy out, tackling him to the floor in a full-body grope, or something in between?
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### Author:  [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/19 "2005-04-14T02:27:20Z")
When I was in middle school, a female bully used to mildly pick on me. I seem to recall being bemused by the oddness of it all. Nowaday, looking back, I think it is pretty cool. Nowadays, should such a thing happen, I would love it.
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### Author:  [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2005, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/20 "2005-04-14T02:41:42Z")
> [@Misnomer](#):
>
> ( **Sampiro** , **matt\_mcl** , **SolGrundy** , et al: I love you guys, but your reactions to women just aināt what Iām lookinā for. ;))
What the hell? I thought I was supposed to be the sassy but unthreatening friend you took to weddings and spent the night swapping celebrity gossip with and sharing styling tips until one night while crying over a bad date you look at me over the shared tub of Hagen Dazs and say, āI love you if only you just werenātā¦ā and then our eyes meet like weāre seeing each other for the first time and then _ **BAM!** _ Iām rolling in tail.
This sucks. Ah well, at least I finally made it into the SDMB Gay Triumvirate.
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