# What do straight men \*really\* think of women who make the first move? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 14, 2005, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210 "2005-04-14T00:11:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/21 "2005-04-14T02:51:46Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > I just want to take a moment to express my admiration of bold women like **Misnomer** Bold, schmold: I just get to a point with some guys where I would rather chance a “no” than miss the opportunity for a “yes.” Nothing ventured, yadda yadda yadda. Of course, I always have that moment where I ask myself whether _he_ wouldn’t have approached _me_ already if he were interested, but then I get over it. 🙂 > [@Miller](#): > > So, anyway, to get back to the OP, this half-straight guy is all in favor of women making the first move. Half-straight is good enough. 😉 > [@Nightime](#): > > If I’m not attracted/interested in her, then it will make me very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to where you’d be a jerk? If the ugliest woman on the planet came up to you and asked you out, would you be able to be polite? I ask because “ugly” is highly subjective, and I’m fully aware that some guys wouldn’t mind (in terms of attractiveness) if I approached them, while others might. (No one has ever been a jerk when they’ve turned me down, I’m just wonderin’.) > [@Roland Orzabal](#): > > I genuinely believe that most of you ladies don’t realize exactly how much power lies – often dormant – in your hands, where this sort of thing is concerned. You know, I hear (and read) things like that all of the time, but if that were truly the case all I’d have to do is ask and any man would trip over himself to take me out. Whenever I hear a guy say “women don’t realize how much power they have over men,” I automatically prepend it with the word “hot.” Many of us are attractive more of an eye-of-the-beholder way, and one of the things I’m trying to get at is how guys feel when someone who isn’t their “type” makes the first move. > [@belladonna](#): > > How are we defining “first move” here? Simply asking the guy out, tackling him to the floor in a full-body grope, or something in between? What I meant by “first move” was just asking the guy out (or e-mailing him first, in the case of online dating). Once I’m in a situation where full-body groping might occur, I don’t worry about who initiates what. 😃 > [@SolGrundy](#): > > What the hell? I thought I was supposed to be the sassy but unthreatening friend you took to weddings and spent the night swapping celebrity gossip with and sharing styling tips until one night while crying over a bad date you look at me over the shared tub of Hagen Dazs and say, “I love you if only you just weren’t…” and then our eyes meet like we’re seeing each other for the first time and then **BAM!** I’m rolling in tail. Sorry, sweetie: I already have one of those. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/22 "2005-04-14T03:01:31Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Bold, schmold: I just get to a point with some guys where I would rather chance a “no” than miss the opportunity for a “yes.” Nothing ventured, yadda yadda yadda. Of course, I always have that moment where I ask myself whether _he_ wouldn’t have approached _me_ already if he were interested, but then I get over it. 🙂 See, that is bold to me though. (Anyhow, I just wanted to give a shout-out because I think you’re cool.) If I were a guy, I would think it was great. Heck, I’m not a guy and I still think it’s great. I’m working on it. I can now send IMs to guys, so I’m getting better. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/23 "2005-04-14T03:21:57Z")
I’m so damn stupid that **Alias** had to make the first move. I didn’t even know that she was interested in me, and she _really_ flirted with me. I have absolutely no problem what so ever. I love it. ---
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/24 "2005-04-14T03:31:58Z")
**Nocturne** made the first move on me. Now we are happily married. Even during my single years that was the way of it. I cannot really recall any times where I made the first move. Simply show up at a party/bar/club/whatever and wait. Always worked for me ---
**Author:** ![CapnPitt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/edb3f5/32.png) [@CapnPitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CapnPitt)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/25 "2005-04-14T03:32:02Z")
It’s definitely a terrific thing (only happened a few times, but they were all great). I especially appreciated it because I know how difficult it is to approach anybody. And I was definitely able to be nice to those that weren’t my “type”. Another reason that it’s great is because the “hint receptor” in my brain appears to be FUBAR. I’m very dense when it comes to this sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/26 "2005-04-14T03:35:21Z")
Growing up, I was a tomboy who didn’t see guys as “boys” ‘till way later than other girls my age. I remember one of the guys saying "I like "\>insert name here\<’ but I wish she wouldn’t call me all the time…". I guess it made an impression on me - I still don’t like to call a man. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/27 "2005-04-14T03:39:32Z")
I don’t want to pee in everybody’s Cheerios, but as a straight woman, in my experience making the first move turns you from “girl to marry” to “girl to sleep with”. Obviously I’m ending up with the wrong guys, but early aggression has in hindsight put me in some sort of “mistress” position more times than I’d really like to recall. Obviously these weren’t guys I’d have liked to have a relationship with anyway, considering, but still. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/28 "2005-04-14T03:42:45Z")
I’d like for it to happen. Also, what **Superdude** said in tiny print. I’m going to have to remember that one. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/29 "2005-04-14T03:49:04Z")
Hey, **TM** , I’m a stand-up comic. I’ve got a LOT more to that bit. I’ll be here all week…try the meatloaf. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/30 "2005-04-14T03:49:58Z")
I’d like that too, it doesn’t happen nearly often enough. Go for it, _especially_ since this is [match.com](http://match.com) we’re talking about - I can’t see any reason not to make contact. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/31 "2005-04-14T04:00:14Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I don’t want to pee in everybody’s Cheerios, but as a straight woman, in my experience making the first move turns you from “girl to marry” to “girl to sleep with”. Obviously I’m ending up with the wrong guys, but early aggression has in hindsight put me in some sort of “mistress” position more times than I’d really like to recall. Obviously these weren’t guys I’d have liked to have a relationship with anyway, considering, but still. I strongly suspect that a far greater portion of the problem here lies in the mindsets of these men regarding women in general than in the fact that you made the first move. I wouldn’t hesitate to opine that the majority of men think like this anyway. There are plenty that don’t, of course…but there are plentier that do\*. > [@Misnomer](#): > > You know, I hear (and read) things like that all of the time, but if that were truly the case all I’d have to do is ask and any man would trip over himself to take me out. Whenever I hear a guy say “women don’t realize how much power they have over men,” I automatically prepend it with the word “hot.” Many of us are attractive more of an eye-of-the-beholder way, and one of the things I’m trying to get at is how guys feel when someone who isn’t their “type” makes the first move. As to “hot”, certainly being in the top tier of physical attractiveness has its advantages (see above), but beyond that, it all depends on the guy. In general, the most I can tell you is what I said in my previous post: “as a woman, not only will making the first move not harm your chances of getting what (whom) you’re after, but will quite likely improve them, and significantly so. In fact, a man who would otherwise take little notice of you might just be persuaded by your boldness into an active interest.” Note the many 'might’s and 'maybe’s. If you’re a short voluptuous brunette and he’s exclusively into tall skinny redheads, you don’t have a prayer no matter what you do. If, however, you fall into that middle range known simply as “women” – quite a wide area for most men – you’re not screwed from the get-go, but you’re going to need to do something to make yourself stand out. Taking the initiative is as good a method as any to accomplish just that. Bottom line, I’d wager that, if you aren’t definitively unappealing to him and you do make the first move, he’ll at the very least be flattered enough to be far more receptive to whatever you have to say. \*Yes, I made up “plentier”…but it works so well! Try it. You’ll like it. Your satisfaction is guaranteed, or your grammar back. ---
**Author:** ![Nightime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nightime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightime)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/32 "2005-04-14T04:01:26Z")
> [@](#): > > Uncomfortable to where you’d be a jerk? The discomfort comes from not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings or embarass them. Of course I would be as polite as possible, but I would still feel bad. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/33 "2005-04-14T04:05:37Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > I’ll be here all week…try the meatloaf. That’s a better idea than trying the cat. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/34 "2005-04-14T06:11:29Z")
A confident and intelligent woman who made the first move would receive my total attention. ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/35 "2005-04-14T07:29:10Z")
I’ve always enjoyed it when a woman has made the first move. Anyone who’s rude in turning you down, you know for damn sure he wasn’t good enough for you! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/36 "2005-04-14T07:39:39Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > So, my approachable straight male co-Dopers, whaddya think? Once you get over the shock, are you usually flattered? Does it tend to affect your opinion of the woman at all, regardless of whether you find her attractive/interesting? I think it’s great. I’m shy and I hate playing games with people, so if someone’s interested in me and is willing to say so in spite of the social prejudice against it, that’s two points in her favor: she’s honest and isn’t worried about what people think. Also, she clearly has excellent taste. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/37 "2005-04-14T07:45:01Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > > [@Superdude](#): > > > > I’ll be here all week…try the meatloaf. > > That’s a better idea than trying the cat. I always love a Kliban reference. > [@belladonna](#): > > How are we defining “first move” here? Simply asking the guy out, tackling him to the floor in a full-body grope, or something in between? Yes! I was asked out a couple of times (and was seriously disappointed when I learned, years later, that I had _not_ been asked out by a couple of (really nice) women because they were afraid I would not approve–I only found out after they had married other guys). ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/38 "2005-04-14T08:16:05Z")
I’m quite thankful for women who make the first move, they’re the only reason I didn’t leave college a virgin. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/39 "2005-04-14T08:24:46Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > How are we defining “first move” here? Simply asking the guy out, tackling him to the floor in a full-body grope, or something in between? There’s nothing wrong with tackling a guy to the floor in a full-body grope. It works sometimes, and both parties end up very very happy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210/40 "2005-04-14T08:42:14Z")
Not being a straight man but knowing several, I can assure you that the **only** thing a straight man thinks of a woman who makes the first move is - **Thank God!** yeah? no? maybe? awwh… whaddya really know? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-straight-men-really-think-of-women-who-make-the-first-move/299210.md?page=3)