# What do you call jokes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 7, 2005, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963 "2005-08-07T05:02:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2005, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/21 "2005-08-07T23:47:49Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > . . . in the ocean? > Bob. > > What do you call two guys WNAAL hanging on your wall over the window? > > Curt ‘n’ Rod. What do you call a girl with one arm and one leg standing by a wall? Ilene. ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/22 "2005-08-08T00:14:38Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > Weak one: What do you call a fish with no eye? > fsh HAH! ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/23 "2005-08-08T01:38:21Z")
> [@1920s Style "Death Ray"](#): > > Still no idea. I don’t speak the correct dialect for this one, but for some reason it just about killed me anyway. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/24 "2005-08-08T02:02:03Z")
How do you get a drummer off your porch? Pay him for the pizza. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/25 "2005-08-08T02:20:59Z")
What do you call a fly with no wings? ## A walk. What do you call a cow with no legs? ## Ground beef. What do you call a pasture full of masturbating cattle? ## Beef stroganoff. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? ## Russell. What do you call a boil on an Aggie’s ass? ## A brain tumor. What do you call a blonde with a Ph.D? Doctor. ---
**Author:** ![Atheist\_Princess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@Atheist\_Princess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atheist_Princess)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/26 "2005-08-08T02:27:54Z")
How many emo kids does it takes to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry. Sorry, my friend shared that with me this morning and I thought I’d pass it along. Sorry to the emo’s…I really do love you…honest 😉 ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/27 "2005-08-08T02:30:35Z")
Since we seem to have veered from the strict definition of ‘what do you call’ jokes, I will respond in the spirit: What does a stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work? Drops him off at band practice. * * * (From my jazz-musician brother and his friends): Define an optimist: A trombone player who carries a beeper (DAMN, that’s an old joke) * * * What’s the difference between a trombone player and a frog walking down the street? The frog might be on his way to a gig. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/28 "2005-08-08T02:34:05Z")
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a lion’s den? Claude ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/29 "2005-08-08T02:36:22Z")
How do you tell when there is Soprano at your door? She doesn’t know where to come in, and she hasn’t got the key. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/30 "2005-08-08T02:37:47Z")
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a lion’s den with three lions? Emil ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/31 "2005-08-08T02:45:43Z")
What do you call an olympic swimmer with no arms and no legs? Clever dick ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/32 "2005-08-08T02:51:14Z")
What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his ass? Warren. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/33 "2005-08-08T02:53:03Z")
About 20 years ago there was quite a craze for these no-arms-no-legs jokes. At the time they were called “Bob jokes,” and you could buy a paperback book full of them. (no arms, no legs, and wired for sound: **Mike** …no arms, no legs, and forced fed cabbage: **Gale** …no arms, _one_ leg, and Japanese: **Irene** ) ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/34 "2005-08-08T08:38:23Z")
> [@Jennyrosity](#): > > A man goes into a fish shop with a cod under his arm. He says to the fish monger: “'Scuse me mate, do you do fish cakes?” Fish monger says: “Yeah, course we do.” Man says: “Great! It’s his birthday today!” I don’t get this one. In that spirit, here’s one you may not get: What do you call two Pilipino pilots? A pair of pliers. ---
**Author:** ![RunSilent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@RunSilent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RunSilent)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/35 "2005-08-08T17:20:33Z")
What do you call 100,000 men with their hands in the air? The French Army. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/36 "2005-08-08T18:03:07Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > > [@Jennyrosity](#): > > > > A man goes into a fish shop with a cod under his arm. He says to the fish monger: “'Scuse me mate, do you do fish cakes?” Fish monger says: “Yeah, course we do.” Man says: “Great! It’s his birthday today!” > > I don’t get this one. Hint: Here’s a [dog cake](http://www.buttercupspaw.com/dog-bakery/paw_cakes.html). ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/37 "2005-08-08T18:18:23Z")
What do you call those liquid-filled glass things that “snow” when shaken? . . . “Shake-'em-ups.” ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/38 "2005-08-08T18:38:09Z")
A Man w/ no legs waterskiing: Skip ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2005, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/39 "2005-08-09T08:09:05Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Hint: Here’s a [dog cake](http://www.buttercupspaw.com/dog-bakery/paw_cakes.html). :rolleyes: Ow, the groaning, it is painful. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kaiwik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaiwik/32/3978_2.png) [@kaiwik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaiwik)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2005, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-jokes/315963/40 "2005-08-09T10:26:56Z")
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