# What do you call your in-laws? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 7, 2005, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282 "2005-06-07T12:18:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/1 "2005-06-07T12:18:38Z")
To their faces, I mean. My husband was a late life surprise baby, so his parents were pretty old when we married. I wanted to call them Abuelo and Abuela (grandfather and grandmother in Spanish), but that seemed rude. My husband told me to call them Ma and Dad. Their actual names were Easter and Isaiah. I ended up not calling them anything. I would just wait until I had their attention to start talking. You’d be surprised to find how easy it is to not pick a name. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/2 "2005-06-07T12:35:39Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > To their faces, I mean. > > My husband was a late life surprise baby, so his parents were pretty old when we married. I wanted to call them Abuelo and Abuela (grandfather and grandmother in Spanish), but that seemed rude. My husband told me to call them Ma and Dad. Their actual names were Easter and Isaiah. > > I ended up not calling them anything. I would just wait until I had their attention to start talking. You’d be surprised to find how easy it is to not pick a name. My father never called his mother-in-law anything because she never told him what to call her. They weren’t very chummy anyway. I call my MIL Ma or Mom. I asked one of the other “outlaws” as we call each other and that’s what he called her. This positively annoys the shit out of my sister, who says that should only be reserved for our mom. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/3 "2005-06-07T12:46:30Z")
Patty and Al. Sometimes, I’ll call him “Big Al”. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/4 "2005-06-07T13:07:27Z")
“Dr. S.” and “Mrs S.” - and I mean “Ess”, not “S[rest\_of\_name\_deleted\_to\_preserve\_privacy]”, too. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/5 "2005-06-07T13:09:09Z")
Until about a year ago, I called them nothing. Now, after 9 years, it’s mom and dad. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/6 "2005-06-07T13:36:54Z")
I call my mother-in-law by her first name. Though sometimes I call her “Mother-In-Law” just because it makes her laugh. I couldn’t call her “mom” because she’s just not very mom-like. My husband uses my parents’ first names. To him "mom and “dad” are terms that have some _negative_ connotations, as his father is estranged, and he has a strained relationship with his mother. So, I don’t call my MIL “mom” because I don’t like her enough, and my husband doesn’t call his MIL “mom” because he likes her too much. It’s weird, but there you have it. I do call my husband’s grandmother “Momma.” Everyone does. She’s a sweetie. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/7 "2005-06-07T13:41:11Z")
I call them Mr. (Lastname) and Mrs. (Lastname). They requested that I address them as such. :dubious: Fortunately, I live across the country from them, and see them about once every two years. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/8 "2005-06-07T13:46:55Z")
I call them by their first names-I refused to call my MIL “mom”–she was a drunken waste of space who tried very hard to ruin our relationship, engagement, and marriage. She is now a dry drunk. She insisted on our kids calling her “Grandmother” and for this(and other reasons), they have strained relationship with her. I tend to call my FIL “grandpa”–he corrects me and says it’s “granpaw”–whatever. Yeah-family time is fun time over here. They have both mellowed somewhat over the years–but the first 10 years of marriage were awful. I figure-you are an adult and adults call each other by their first names (if close enough). I know that their wishes should be respected, but I think it depends on the situation/people involved. My husband calls my parents by their first names–as they requested when we got married at the ripe old age of 24. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/9 "2005-06-07T13:53:22Z")
Another one in the “nothing” camp! Mr. Del and his siblings call their parents by their first names, which I find I am profoundly unable to do. So I call them nothing and wait until we have eye contact before speaking. I can wait a long time, you’d be surprised. I do call his grandmother “Grandma,” which worked out well for me, because my own grandmother is called Na-Na. It’s nice to have a Grandma now as well. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/10 "2005-06-07T13:57:43Z")
First names. There is no way I’d feel comfortable referring to them as “Mom” and “Dad,” or anything else denoting a parental relationship. I want as little to do with them as possible. DH calls my folks by their first names, and my SIL doesn’t call them anything, that I’ve ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/11 "2005-06-07T14:15:23Z")
I call them by their first names. Which is what most people do with other adults they know well or casually, right? I understand the feeling of not calling people anything, and I hate to criticize, but I do think it’s not a polite thing to do. Maybe those of you who do that could talk with them and come up with something? People usually notice when others won’t address them. Some people have been known to call their MIL “Millie.” ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/12 "2005-06-07T14:32:02Z")
I called her _Mrs X_ until I married her son. I asked her what she wanted me to call her now that I was also _Mrs X_, and she literally turned away. I’ve tried calling her by her first name and she ignored me. I tried calling her Mom or Mother X and she still ignored me. How’s that for polite? So I don’t call her anything. My sisters-in-law said I should call her “what ever the children call her”. So no kids, no name. She doesn’t want \*polite \*- frankly it’s not worth being treated like a whole in the room. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/13 "2005-06-07T14:33:38Z")
I call my in-laws Ray and Lily. (Which is weird 'cuz their names are Charles and Beatrice. ;)) Anyway, I like them quite a bit, but they’re not my mom and dad, so they don’t get called Mom and Dad. My wife calls my parents by their first names as well, although it took her longer to get to that point. It was a tetch confused at first because we started dating when we were 18, which was clearly a Mr. and Mrs X age, so we kind of hand to feel our way to the transition. The first time I called my FIL – then just my girlfriend’s dad – Ray was when I was warning him that he was about to crush his hand in a truck lift. Not really the time to be using extra syllables. That got me over the hump. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/14 "2005-06-07T14:47:34Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > I understand the feeling of not calling people anything, and I hate to criticize, but I do think it’s not a polite thing to do. Maybe those of you who do that could talk with them and come up with something? People usually notice when others won’t address them. No people don’t. Really. The only time it is neccessary to directly address some one with a name is when trying to catch their attention when they are not within touching distance. I ride the train with the same group of 10 or so regulars. We all talk to each other every day. I cannot tell you how many times one of them as leaned over to me and asked something like: What’s the lady who wears purple every day name?[sup]\*[/sup] There is not one of us who knows everybody else’s name. And it’s not easy to tell who knows what. [sup]\*“Purple Lady” is what I always called her-- to myself.[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/15 "2005-06-07T15:51:10Z")
I called my now-ex MIL by her first name, and her husband (not my husband’s dad) by his first name. Now I have new in-laws and call them by their first names as well. Although it is a little awkward with my FIL; he has the same name as my husband, and my son as well! But when you have children you can get away with calling them Grandma and Grandpa, at least when you’re with the kids, if the whole first-name thing is hard for you. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/16 "2005-06-07T16:16:19Z")
Dead…well, cause they are and I never met them. (I am so going to hell for this one) Previous marriage to the Klingon: I called them Mamie and Pop cause that’s what the grandkids and their own children called them. ---
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/17 "2005-06-07T16:25:59Z")
I call them by their first names. I am far too uncomfortable calling anyone Mr or Mrs to use either. They do not mind it that way. Sometimes I have other names for my MIL though - depending on her latest atrocity ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/18 "2005-06-07T16:35:16Z")
I called my future in-laws by their first names the first time we met. It became “mom & dad” after about 2 hours. They (and my future brother & sisters in law) went out of their way to make me feel very welcomed into the family. After the horrible way my first set of in laws treated me, it was a huge relief. They’re some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I lucked out. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/19 "2005-06-07T17:20:58Z")
Bus Wife calls my mom by her first name to her face. When speaking of her to me, she becomes **YOUR** mother, emphasis on the possessive pronoun. Both Bus Kid and her mother have totally cut my MIL out of their lives, for entirely valid reasons. So, we don’t have occasion to call her anything. Ok, occasionally Bitchface, but then we end the discussions… ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282/20 "2005-06-07T17:40:52Z")
I don’t think I’ve called my MIL anything to her face - but we don’t see her often. I do use her first name when writing out birthday cards, etc. Behind her back, my husband calls his mom Theo, short for “The Old Lady.” I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t fly. My father used to call his MIL/my grandmother Zsa Zsa, after one day a grillion years ago when they went to a fancy restaurant where the waiters were particularly attentive and she said, “I feel just like Zsa Zsa Gabor!” That one stuck hard. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-in-laws/307282.md?page=2)