# What do you call your SO's Parents? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 22, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990 "2010-04-22T15:23:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/1 "2010-04-22T15:23:21Z")
Inspired by [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=560493). My bf and I have been dating for 2 years and don’t intend to change that anytime soon as far as I’m aware. When there are no wedding bands involved, but there’s a committed relationship - it can be interesting to refer to each other’s family. I know my bf has confessed accidentally referring to my mom as his MIL. For me, I call his mom “Miss Firstname” because it’s a southern thing and isn’t so formal. He calls my mom by her first name. Neither of our dads are living, so it’s a non-issue. **What about you? Are you in a long-term non-marital relationship, and if so, how do you address the non-in-laws?** ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/2 "2010-04-22T15:35:53Z")
Before my marriage, I called my in-laws by their first names, as that was how they introduced themselves to me. After the marriage, nothing has changed. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/3 "2010-04-22T15:42:06Z")
I rarely call her anything but I’d use her first name. My wife calls my mother by her first name as well. I never really feel comfortable doing so though and tend to use some slightly more polite variant of “Hey you” depending on the circumstance. I’ve been the same with all my long-term partners’ parents. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/4 "2010-04-22T15:48:13Z")
Generally, I try to avoid calling my in-laws by name. I can usually structure the conversation so that it isn’t necessary. I will use their given names if necessary, but in 25 years, it’s only been necessary about twice. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/5 "2010-04-22T16:09:56Z")
I call my FIL by his name. The MIL is “the horrifying evil whose name shall never be uttered.” Actually, in general I try to avoid calling them by name, similar to **BrotherCadfael**. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/6 "2010-04-22T16:13:01Z")
Back when I was in a really serious relationship I used my girl’s mom’s first name. My ex called my mom “mom.” ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/7 "2010-04-22T16:30:29Z")
I call my GF’s mom “Mom” in direct address. I’ve never even learned her name, because my GF only refers to her as “my mom.” She lives in a different state and I haven’t met her yet, when she calls on the phone and I pick up, I say “Hi, Mom!” ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/8 "2010-04-22T16:44:50Z")
Well, shoot, I went and voted in the other poll, but perhaps I shouldn’t have. The Other Horseshoe and I aren’t married (we’re going on 8 years together now) but we live as married, so that’s why I felt free to vote. Anyway, I call his parents by their given names. We’re on warm terms. I have a very bad relationship with my own parents, but if we were on speaking & visiting terms, I suspect my mother would prefer that The Other Shoe refer to her and address her as Mrs. Lastname. She’s really formal like that, and _hates_ being addressed by her first name. (Then again, she threw a fit once when we were getting lunch on vacation, because the waiter handed me the menu before her. At a _casual beachside restaurant_, fer Pete’s sake! She’s big on formality.) We just won’t tell her that we usually refer to her as “that evil bitch” instead of as Mrs. Lastname. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/9 "2010-04-22T16:50:52Z")
Mrs. Wang, although note that (a) she didn’t speak English very well, and (b) I really didn’t talk to her many times before she passed away. So we didn’t have a close relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/10 "2010-04-22T16:57:59Z")
Oh. I posted in the other thread. We’re not married, but we’ve been together for ten years (well, we will have been if we make it through the next month!) and I definitely think of them as my in-laws. So to reiterate: I call them by their first names. I’m not sure that my partner calls my parents anything if it can possibly be avoided. I mean they get on great and talk to each other a lot, just not by name/honorific/endearment. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/11 "2010-04-22T17:00:10Z")
I call my mother-in-law “Edith”. I call my father-in-law “Dearly Departed”. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/12 "2010-04-22T17:01:20Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Before my marriage, I called my in-laws by their first names, as that was how they introduced themselves to me. After the marriage, nothing has changed. Likewise for me before and during my marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/13 "2010-04-22T17:09:51Z")
I don’t call mine by name. I’m not comfortable calling them by their first names (I dunno why, I’m just not) and they don’t like me calling them Mr./Mrs. Lastname, so I just don’t call them anything. It’s easier that way. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/14 "2010-04-22T18:25:15Z")
When I was a teenager, I called them Mr. & Mrs. Lastname, but towards the end of my 20s I started calling them Cheryl & John. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/15 "2010-04-23T00:54:50Z")
I call them by their first names if I have to, but it makes me uncomfortable. They don’t want me to call them Mr and Mrs, though. My SO calls my parents the Korean version of mother and father. I think it freaks them out a little for a white guy to call them abunim and omonim. ---
**Author:** ![bytheway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df705f/32.png) [@bytheway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bytheway)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/16 "2010-04-23T01:11:56Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > I rarely call her anything but I’d use her first name. My wife calls my mother by her first name as well. > > I never really feel comfortable doing so though and tend to use some slightly more polite variant of “Hey you” depending on the circumstance. I’ve been the same with all my long-term partners’ parents. me too! ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/17 "2010-04-23T01:58:43Z")
I call my PIL Mr Firstname and Mrs. Firstname My wife called my parents by their first names (as per their reuqest) ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/18 "2010-04-23T04:45:12Z")
Memere and Pop - just like all the grandkids and occasionally their own kids. My boyfriend always calls his dad Pop and usually calls his mom memere but sometimes will call her mom. I have no clue what he’d call my mom. He sees her a couple times a year but I don’t think he’s ever had a reason to call her a name. My dad is a non issue because he’s seen him only once or twice and none of us like him. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/19 "2010-04-23T04:57:01Z")
I haven’t developed any sort of bond with Mig’s mama. We don’t speak the same language, not even a little bit, and she lives far away in a tiny village in Mexico. Plus she still kinda scares me. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990/20 "2010-04-23T05:01:09Z")
Joyce and Andy, both before and after we got married. I have a great relationship with Joyce, and a cordial but not warm relationship with Andy (I’m still kind of intimidated by him and not sure he totally approves of me). My husband’s brothers’ wives call them the same, and did before they got married as well. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-call-your-sos-parents/536990.md?page=2)