# What do you dislike most about other people's weddings? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 6, 2006, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534 "2006-10-06T18:58:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/21 "2006-10-06T21:26:49Z")
Oh, yeah, the cake fights are bad. Someone I know said that the length of a marriage is in reverse proportion to the amount of cake-face-smashing. Or something like that. Decorating your wedding invites with garters is in bad taste. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/22 "2006-10-06T21:27:56Z")
Bridesmaids who only agree to swallow if I agree to catch. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/23 "2006-10-06T21:30:09Z")
[QUOTE=Lissla Lissar] The dollar dance, and the stupid bit where the groom takes off the bride’s garter with his teeth. Ugh. [/QUOTE] I’ve never witnessed a dollar dance, but the garter business is indeed horrible (though the throwing the bouquet isn’t much better). I also second the cake smush, and have to also throw in a vote for bad soloists during the ceremony (invariably a close friend or relative who has a much higher opinion of their vocal talent than is merited). ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/24 "2006-10-06T21:30:22Z")
The ridiculous and archaic religious garbage. I’m talking about the very out-of-the-ordinary kind, here. Yes, most weddings are religious ceremonies on some level, and I’m fine with that. But at a friend’s wedding, the preacher said as part of the ceremony that she, as the wife, was to be “a fruitful vine in the recesses of the home.” My wife (then fiancee) and I simultaneously turned to one another for a “WTF?” look at that. So, what, the message is that she is to reproduce and stay hidden, lest she taint the marriage with “thoughts” or “opinions”? Yeesh. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/25 "2006-10-06T21:44:25Z")
[QUOTE=Max Torque] The ridiculous and archaic religious garbage. I’m talking about the very out-of-the-ordinary kind, here. Yes, most weddings are religious ceremonies on some level, and I’m fine with that. But at a friend’s wedding, the preacher said as part of the ceremony that she, as the wife, was to be “a fruitful vine in the recesses of the home.” My wife (then fiancee) and I simultaneously turned to one another for a “WTF?” look at that. So, what, the message is that she is to reproduce and stay hidden, lest she taint the marriage with “thoughts” or “opinions”? Yeesh. [/QUOTE] Does the religous terminology & phrasing vex you whether or not the bride & groom agree with it? That is, if the bride was okay with the minister’s words, maybe even encouraged him to say that, woudl you still be offended? Apropos of nothing, I knew, once upon a time, a woman who claimed (to all appearances seriously) that not only was she going to promise to love, honor, and obey when she married, but she planned to actually KNEEL TO HER HUSBAND while taking those vows–and she could not imagine marrying a man who had a problem with that. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/26 "2006-10-06T21:47:05Z")
It’s the expense of the whole thing that irks me the most. Case in point: A couple I knew spent _$40,000_ their wedding. The husband was unemployed at the time and they were struggling to meet their daily expenses, yet they felt the need to have this big extravaganza. They explained it to us by saying their parents intended to give them large chunks of cash as a wedding present. I was dumbfounded. Why not use that cash to repair their leaky roof or buy a car that actually runs reliably instead of using it to pay for that one day? > [@Lissla Lissar](#): > > Oh, yeah, the cake fights are bad. Someone I know said that the length of a marriage is in reverse proportion to the amount of cake-face-smashing. Or something like that. I have a similar theory about wedding expenses: i.e that the more expensive the wedding, the more likely the couple is to split. To me, it indicates a fundamental preferance toward pretension and display rather than what really matters. (And I’ve always pictured the bride in these grandiose productions as someone who would throw a glass of wine in their husband’s face if he dared to write them a poem for Valentine’s day rather than buy them some jewelery.) ---
**Author:** ![Flea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d78d45/32.png) [@Flea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flea)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/27 "2006-10-06T21:58:34Z")
[QUOTE=Shagnasty] Sit down dinners at the reception are an abomination. It mixes two different and incompatible concepts. Weddings require a buffet or some other flexible eating arrangement that encourages people to move around and mingle. It is plain stupid to fly people in from all over the world and then tell them to sit in front of their prepositioned name tag and wait for food to be brought to them. I and others declared this is wrong in 100% of cases and we usually refused to host them although a few slipped through. Rent out the Cracker Barrel for lunch if you just want a seated chow fest. [/QUOTE] That’s the first time I’ve ever heard that. Folks I talk to seem to think it’s the other way around: that buffets are tacky and sit-downs are classier overall. I really hate the idea of an open bar. I know it makes the guests happy, but I would rather not have to interact with people sloshing drunk at a wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/28 "2006-10-06T22:01:40Z")
[QUOTE=Shagnasty] I used to work big, fancy weddings clad in a tux so I got to see more and more variety than most people do. Here are my two: 1. Sit down dinners at the reception are an abomination. It mixes two different and incompatible concepts. Weddings require a buffet or some other flexible eating arrangement that encourages people to move around and mingle. It is plain stupid to fly people in from all over the world and then tell them to sit in front of their prepositioned name tag and wait for food to be brought to them. I and others declared this is wrong in 100% of cases and we usually refused to host them although a few slipped through. Rent out the Cracker Barrel for lunch if you just want a seated chow fest. [/QUOTE] Having worked in catering for several years I totally agree with this. Sitdown service is many many times more difficult than buffet service. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/29 "2006-10-06T22:03:08Z")
Long, boring ceremonies. **NOBODY** is comfortable - not the couple, not the guests, not the minister - make it short and sweet, and let’s get on with the party. The wedding party disappearing for three hours for photos, while the rest of us guests hang out and wonder what the hell is going on, and when they’re going to feed us. At least give us snacks while you’re off god knows where. The wedding party not being allowed to sit with their spouses. I didn’t do that for my wedding; all the spouses of my wedding party were sitting right there beside their spouses, where they belong. ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/30 "2006-10-06T22:06:33Z")
> [@](#): > > **Lissa** : I have a similar theory about wedding expenses: i.e that the more expensive the wedding, the more likely the couple is to split. > > To me, it indicates a fundamental preferance toward pretension and display rather than what really matters. (And I’ve always pictured the bride in these grandiose productions as someone who would throw a glass of wine in their husband’s face if he dared to write them a poem for Valentine’s day rather than buy them some jewelery.) I’ve never really understood the antipathy towards expensive weddings when all parties involved can properly afford them (or not really, other people’s bad financial planning, their business). I view all weddings equally whether it’s a backyard BBQ affair to a lavish dinner at the Ritz, as long as everyone involved is behaving pleasantly and aren’t on their high horse about the whole affair. I have been to fabulous budget weddings and fabulous expensive weddings-the pleasure of the party was always in the nature of how relaxed and nice the hosts were. People spending money = other people making money. I don’t get the hatred. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/31 "2006-10-06T22:18:24Z")
This makes me glad my wedding was short & sweet with a simple lunch afterward. I am sure the guests appreciated it. No chicken-dancing, money-dancing, YMCA, or other dancing, no boquet throw, none of that stuff… and we all had a nice destination\* wedding and great time for $5000 including travel and even paying for travel for some of the guests. \*Portland, OR… not a huge strain on people from California ---
**Author:** ![Foldup\_Rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Foldup\_Rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foldup_Rabbit)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/32 "2006-10-06T22:26:16Z")
Ninety trillion toasts. The bride, the groom, the bride and groom, the bride’s dad, the bride’s mother, the bride’s parents, the groom’s parents, the grandparents, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the ushers, the maid of honour, the best man, the flower girl, the photographer… By the end of all the toasts, I am usually feeling pissed that I didn’t get toasted and am wondering why they didn’t bring us two bottles of wine instead of one. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/33 "2006-10-06T22:33:06Z")
The sit-down dinner vs. buffet depends a lot on the guests you expect to have. If it’s mostly younger folks, I guess they might like it, but your grandma and your great Aunt Tillie might find it a bit much to have to stand in line. Yes, somebody else can go fetch and carry for them, but it makes things awkward. Also, in some parts of the country, depending on your ethnic and cultural group, a sit-down dinner is mostly expected. There are cultural groups in which the failure to provide your daughter with the appropriate reception would be seen as a sign that something was wrong. In other areas it’s expected to be a cocktail party with passed hors d’ ouvres. I don’t feel it’s appropriate to judge how much or how little money is spent by whoever is hosting the party, though. People have diffent reasons, some of which I agree with, and some I don’t, but it’s not my money so it’s not my business. I agree with the cake-in-the-face smooshing being completely out of line. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/34 "2006-10-06T22:37:11Z")
[QUOTE=Flea] I really hate the idea of an open bar. I know it makes the guests happy, but I would rather not have to interact with people sloshing drunk at a wedding. [/QUOTE] Oh lord, I’m about to out myself as the low-brow degenerate that I am, but I came in this thread to say that I hate it when the bar is _closed_ during dinner. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/35 "2006-10-06T22:59:37Z")
[QUOTE=anu-la1979] I’m not a big fan of shopping off the registry-I used to love shopping (in general) but now the whole going to the place and parking and battling crowds at Crate and Carbuncle in high wedding season gives me a headache. [/QUOTE] Or when the cheapest frickin’ thing on the registry are the $60 goblets. So what do you do, give the couple a single goblet? The last time I was in this situation, I gave them a $50 check and _prayed_ they’d complain about it to me. Humph. ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/36 "2006-10-06T23:16:35Z")
[QUOTE=PoorYorick] Or when the cheapest frickin’ thing on the registry are the $60 goblets. So what do you do, give the couple a single goblet? The last time I was in this situation, I gave them a $50 check and _prayed_ they’d complain about it to me. Humph. [/QUOTE] I was once tempted to buy one fork. Not a serving fork. Just a salad fork from the bride’s chosen silver pattern. That was all I could afford. I could imagine myself showing up at the wedding: “have a nice marriage–here’s your fork!” I gave a silver picture frame instead (not on the registry, but whatever). I’m pretty much okay with most wedding, with the following exceptions: - Vows that don’t actually promise anything. There have been a couple wedding where the vows are more like statements of how much they have meant to each other over time (e.g. “I loved you the first time I saw you; you’ve been my partner through good and bad”… Very nice, very meaningful, but nothing about the future or anything that could be construed as a vow. - The stupid bouquet toss. I don’t need to be rounded up with all the other single gals. At my age, I don’t need the humiliation. This goes double if it’s a family members wedding: my mother has already moaned my single status to anyone in earshot. No need to push it. And I don’t really want to catch the damned thing. I stand in the back and hope the bride can’t throw well, so I don’t have to let it hit the floor. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/37 "2006-10-06T23:37:42Z")
What I dislike is the opposite of what I like. That is, I like things that are personal and meaningful, and I dislike things that are formal and impersonal. I’ve been to various weddings that I can’t remember at all because it was all just the standard ceremonial stuff. But weddings where people said or did really meaningful things, either the happy couple or their friends/relatives, are ones that stick with me. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/38 "2006-10-07T00:12:28Z")
1. Catholic high mass wedding ceremonies. I’ve been to way too many of these. I nearly keeled over when, as an usher in one, I watched the all the men in the wedding party (all 7 of 'em) troop off the altar dais to bring back _folding chairs_ for the groomsmen and bridesmaids to sit down while the ceremony continued. 2. Wedding planners. Every wedding that I’ve been to where there was a wedding planner involved, that wedding planner did nothing but annoy and vex. I almost cheered before my cousin’s second wedding, when she ordered the “event planner” out of her sight for the rest of the evening when that woman suggested that having my cousin’s favorite niece as flower girl would “ruin” the wedding. It’s only happened once, but the thing I most misliked about the weddings I’ve attended was at my brother’s – some of his “friends” evicted our great-aunt and her family from their table, insisting that it was assigned to _them_. Fortunately, my feisty cousin clued me in, and I took great joy in loudly telling them that they must have been mistaken in believing that we’d’ve assigned by _80-year-old_ great aunt to any place but _that_ table, and asked them to please move immediately. I indicated that there was a table set up for them. Outside, on the lawn. Where they would be able to hear the music just fine. Maybe it was an abuse of my powers as best man, but they’re just lucky I told the caterers to let them know when buffet service started. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/39 "2006-10-07T00:32:07Z")
I’ve been a groomsman in the tux six times, and I’m almost the last single person in my family or circle of friends. I generally liked the gazillion weddings I’ve been to. -The 10000+ hour gap between the church and the reception kills me. -Stupid DJ’s. -and spending more that you can afford are my pet peeves. Being a single guy I usually stand with my arms folded and watch the garter land at me feet. Go fish. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534/40 "2006-10-07T00:36:24Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] I always feel for the bridesmaids up there in some horrid-colored dress that they likely had to pay for and will never get to wear again. I’d like just once for a bride to tell them “Oh, just wear an evening gown and everything will be fine.” [/QUOTE] I was just married on August 19th, 2006. For bridesmaids dresses my wife said: Wear a black dress. Our colors for the wedding were White (obviously) Black, and Red. It was very pretty. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-dislike-most-about-other-peoples-weddings/375534.md?page=3)