When they call me, I tell them whoever they’ve asked to speak to, died last month. A moment later, with my best voice of a minimally to moderately demented old man, I ask them if the recently diseased (insert name here) owed them money too and how if they’d just give me a bit more time I could pay them back some of the amount owing. Of course, at this point, most apologize, say good-bye, and hang up. Some don’t and, depending on my mood, I either pretend to start crying or lament the spendthrift ways of my late “brother-in-law” and ask them to try to understand that “his mind wasn’t the same near the end. He didn’t know what he was doing . . .”.
Of course, there are a few who, upon hearing of the death of their target, and in their very next breath, proceed to give me their spiel without a single word of (even insincere) consolation. Assholes.
I just put them on speaker and continue my business until they go away, as mentioned above.
The reason for this approach is that I want to consume as much of their time as possible. It’s my little part to play in getting rid of a public nuisance.
I do not agree that telemarketers are just doing their job and therefore deserve courtesy. Their “job” is to interrupt people without the possibility of being aware of what they are interrupting. That’s rude and invasive. It needs to go away as an allowable business practice. Just because I own a phone doesn’t give you the permission to use it unilaterally. It’s not 30 seconds. It’s 30 seconds multiplied by everyone who would call me if I did not take active steps to avoid being called, plus the time lost re-starting whatever I was doing (including sleeping) when I was interrupted.
On rare occasion, for fun, I’ll try to sell them something.
I love the various fancier sendoffs, including KarlGauss’s and also the famous one where the telemarketer gets sucked into being a crime witness, but I don’t have time for them.
I’d really love to be able to tell them to put me on their DNC list, but most of the calls I get these days are from computers. The canned voice goes through the spiel, gives contact information and then hangs up. At least, that’s what I hear on the answering machine.
It depends a bit. Sometimes I answer, and get a moment of silence before their computer switches on a person. Then I just hang up. Otherwise, I just say “I’m not interested, thanks, bye.” and hang up without waiting for a response. My wife, like some people here, waits for some kind of OK before hanging up.
Sometimes (rarely) they get on my nerves, most recently some charity that begins their pitch with “Hello, I’m with <something something*>, the environmental group you’re a member of.” The last time, they got “I am not a member of your group and I wish you’d stop telling me that.” <click>. I should try telling them to add me to their DNC list, but I don’t think charities have to follow that, so it might not help.
I registered for the national DNC list, but I think I need to renew soon (every three years, I think?).
Do you really think the average telemarketer is not able to grasp that “Please don’t call again” is a DNC? I’m on the national DNC.
I don’t care what a telemarketer needs “confirmation” of. That’s their policy, not mine. Mine is do not ever, under any circumstances, call my number and interrupt, disrupt, bother or otherwise harass me. It’s my phone, not theirs. I pay for telephone service so I can communicate with friends and loved ones, conduct personal business and request emergency assistance if need be. I’m not paying for the service so people can try and sell me things.
This, by the way, is why I don’t buy they “they’re just poor people doing a bad job” line. In none of these cases is the intention of the called person even slightly inobvious, and yet the policies are designed to deliberately ignore the wishes of the person you’re calling.
Embezzlers, bank robbers, social security scam artists, and muggers are just people doing a bad job to earn a paycheck, too. And given the telemarketing industry’s habit of preying on the elderly, I’d argue that most of the above are more honest about it, too.
I used to say “no” and hang up, but I haven’t heard from a human telemarketer in years. These days the ones flaunting the DNC are all recorded messages, so you can’t even get the satisfaction of telling them to fuck off.
I don’t have a landline anymore, but when I did, it had caller ID, and I never picked up if I didn’t recognize the number. Same thing I do now on my cell phone, come to think of it.
I will generally purchase whatever they’re selling, or make a donation to their cause, as long as it’s not a repugnant one. You have no idea how uplifting it is to hear the utter joy in their voice as soon as they realize the blessed event has taken place – they’ve had a successful call! They haven’t been shot down! Sometimes they’re beyond themselves with glee and have no idea what to do next.
I say, “I’m so sorry. We are not interested at all. Please don’t call again. I’m sorry.” and I hang up. Yes, I actually apologize twice. Because I feel like an asshole for hanging up on someone.
I got a call a few weeks ago from an outfit that wanted to sell me ID protection services. I asked the called if they in fact used the service themselves. I was told that they did and they’ve had no ID theft problems.
I then asked this person for their Social Security number so I could try it out. The phone went dead… So now I always ask for a caller’s SS number. The calls don’t last to long after that.