# What Do You Do With A Drunken Sailor? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 12, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555 "2012-10-12T19:50:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/1 "2012-10-12T19:50:42Z")
Need answers FAST ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/2 "2012-10-12T19:51:40Z")
When, exactly? ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/3 "2012-10-12T19:53:31Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > When, exactly? Pre-dawn, maybe? Before breakfast for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/4 "2012-10-12T19:58:26Z")
Oh, well that early I’d probably choose \*Put him in the scuppers with a hose-pipe on him \*. Mostly, because that’s the only option where I had no idea what any of those words mean. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/5 "2012-10-12T20:00:14Z")
Make him listen to repetitice Sea Chanties and Songs. Then give him a book to read: > **[What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor? Unexpurgated Sea Chanties: Morgan,...](https://www.amazon.com/What-Drunken-Sailor-Unexpurgated-Chanties/dp/1626549885)** > > What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor? Unexpurgated Sea Chanties \[Morgan, Douglas\] on Amazon.com. \*FREE\* shipping on qualifying offers. What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor? Unexpurgated Sea Chanties ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/6 "2012-10-12T20:15:50Z")
Other. I told her she had beautiful eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/7 "2012-10-12T20:20:42Z")
I guess it would depend on the circumstances. If he needed to report to duty, then perhaps the mustard plaster or hair of the dog would be appropriate. If I were the duty officer and in charge of discipline, then making him bale the long-boat seems suitable to me. If I were messing around, I might stick him with the captain’s daughter. But what’s she doing on the high seas with a rough and tumble bunch such as we? ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/8 "2012-10-12T20:26:21Z")
Interesting, none of the poll options are lyrics I remember from that song (or were they not meant to be?). - Put him in a boat and make him row it - Feed him bread and ginger water - Lock him up until he’s sober Then again I know this song from a hardcover song book from the 1950s that my elementary school was still using/just throwing out when I was a kid, and I took a copy home. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/9 "2012-10-12T20:31:13Z")
I’m partial to puttin’ him to bed with the captain’s daughter, but if she’s not available, toss him in the brig until he’s sober. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/10 "2012-10-12T20:32:09Z")
We always sang “Put him in the longboat til he gets it over.” which sounds stupid now. ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/11 "2012-10-12T20:37:43Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > I’m partial to puttin’ him to bed with the captain’s daughter, but if she’s not available, toss him in the brig until he’s sober. Gets more interesting when you learn that “Captain’s daughter” is another term for a cat o’nine tails… ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/12 "2012-10-12T20:39:01Z")
The engineering major who used to give me a lift to school sang “Dissolve him in perchloric acid.” Don’t ask me why. ---
**Author:** ![edwards\_beard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@edwards\_beard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwards_beard)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/13 "2012-10-12T20:39:27Z")
Lock him in a room with disco music Make him captain of an Exxon tanker [This version](http://youtu.be/thFRIRqpqUA) ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/14 "2012-10-12T20:42:56Z")
I’d shave his scrotum with a rusty razor. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/15 "2012-10-12T20:49:06Z")
Cry 'n hug 'im at the in-ter-ven-tion Cry 'n hug 'im at the in-ter-ven-tion Cry 'n hug 'im at the in-ter-ven-tion Earl-aye in the morning! ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/16 "2012-10-12T21:19:34Z")
Put him in the back of the paddy wagon ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/17 "2012-10-12T22:23:13Z")
Count the days til Fleet Week’s over ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/18 "2012-10-12T22:37:17Z")
Shave his _balls_ with a rusty razor. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/19 "2012-10-12T23:05:09Z")
I always heard “put him in a long-boat 'till he’s sober”. ---
**Author:** ![Alley\_Dweller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alley_dweller/32/430_2.png) [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555/20 "2012-10-12T23:11:53Z")
Enroll him in a twelve-step program. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-a-drunken-sailor/637555.md?page=2)